Bipolar Check-In #78

Door to door sounds great. M sorry to hear Sir isn’t doing well. Is the cold ha d for him? I hope he perks up quickly

Still horribly cold. Dexter and Gus are sick of the snow! Gus isn’t tall enough to really manage it easily and Dexter is old. They run off the porch do there thing and high tail it back in the house shaking. Poor guys.

I have an appt Monday with my NP for psych med refills and it looks like we might still be snowed in. I have cut my Geodon down to once a day to stretch it out a while if I can’t get out either to see her or get to the pharmacy. I simply won’t take a risk of an accident or wind up in a ditch.

Hope everyone is stay safe and warm

So far I don't feel any differently without my full 200mg dose of Lamictal. Thinking about just stopping it next week. I already take topamax and gabapentin so I'm not worried about seizures or anything like that. I don't know though. I may just go down to 50mg to be safe, which means I have to find my pill cutter. Sigh.

Was an okay day today. It was emotional for me because when I spoke to my husband it was a heartbreaking conversation. He takes ZERO responsibility for the events that happened. He still thinks he did nothing wrong, and I just felt my heart deflate. Not because of what he said per se, but I feel like I wasted the past 6 years loving this man that I didn't even really know. Was a real eye-opener. But I had a good day, been home making money online and just trying to think positive about my new life. Symptoms have been manageable even though I feel I have been manic the past two days.

I'm still soooooooo tired. I did make it to the city for therapy today. It wasn't the most pleasant day weatherwise although things are worse for plenty of people. It's just very cold here and I had to put air in my tires. after therapy. And then it still didn't fill them. The machine beeped but the light is still one (my car only shows there is a low tire, not which one. I can't wait for that feature on a new car when I get one). I just couldn't do it again so I will have to try again tomorrow after PT.


We talked about doing something small, like running a load of laundry. Ha. I got home and then went to my mom's for supper and came home about 6 and fell sound asleep until 8:30. And I am still tired. But I felt like seeing my therapist in person was important. I didn't let him see how bad I feel but it's been 18 years. He knows how to read me.

Tomorrow will be one week of continual increased dose Emsasm patches. I hope it starts working soon. My therapist looked it up and it can take 7 weeks to kck in but I've heard that before and never had a med actually take that long. By 7 weeks it works or it doesn't for me. I guess I'll find out with time.

@BeyondtheRainbow - if it helps any, my guys over at Firestone told me that the light comes on for the tire every time it gets really cold or really hot. The change in temperature can mess with the computer so the tire might not even be low. I had gone back to them a few times and they checked it for me, and nothing was wrong, and the light eventually comes off by itself. Mine does that a lot this winter it would come on and off every time it dips below 30 degrees and by the middle of the day when the sun heats things up it comes off.. My car light doesn't show which one is the low tire either which is very frustrating too.

@ LadyShadow THANK YOU! I will not panic for a few days. I'll be very interested if my light is on after my car sits in the garage overnight. It's not really warm in there but it's better than outside.

@BeyondtheRainbow you're so welcome!! I wouldn't be surprised if it comes off. I still get nervous when I see mine on, but you know what - I see my light come on SO many times and then come off this winter. I don't even know if and when it will actually start getting flat. But I hope that helps! Rest easy, hopefully its just the cold that's making it do that.

I just said "screw it" and I went down to 25mil Prestiq. I just want to be off it.

I looked around a bit at Indeed and I didn't see anything. My therapist said last week "places still aren't hiring?" Why would they now a few weeks after Christmas. I felt her comment to be sort of judgemental. Its not like I'm not looking. But retail stores aren't going to hire people less than 3 weeks after letting their seasonal employees go.

My Pdoc is weaning me off Rexulti and putting me on Caplyta. Crossing fingers I don’t have any crazy side effects! The pharmacy won’t have the Caplyta till tomorrow so I’m on my own till then. They are going to repack my blister packs as the Rexulti taper is kind of confusing.

I took a shower after three days and brushed my teeth and I am feeling improved.

@Moose72

That's great!

Well,…I said my final goodbye to Sir. Sunday was so scary with the throwing up blood and bleeding through his nose. And then this morning I had to carry him into the kitchen for breakfast because he couldn’t find his way.

It was peaceful though. Now he can see again and chase squirrels and birds.

I found the most beautiful urn on Etsy. So he’ll be with me.

*** cold outside. Went grocery shopping and out for lunch and picked up my new glasses. Must say they make me look rather smart. I needed new glasses badly. Needed new frames. My prescription didn't change all that much, which is good.

Eye doctor was talking about how I'm going to probably start needing bifocals soon and ****. God I feel ****ing old! It's like I hit 40 and suddenly need to get a mammogram, may have to get bifocals soon, got fat, etc. Christ! For the love of Pete! What else? Don't want to know.

Didn't get my flash fiction piece done last week. Very disappointed with myself. I let myself down. So I'm going to have to make sure I get one done this week! Still have plenty of time, and I have ideas, which is good.

Stay warm everyone!

Wear a scarf if you go outside!

@Nammu

I am so sorry for your loss.

(((Hugs)))

I slept last night 😊. I feel better. I feel good. A little tired probably from days of no sleep. Anxiously awaiting my psychologist appointment so I can discuss some high risk thoughts I’m having. Haven’t put anything into action though. They’re just thoughts. I’ll weigh up the pros and cons with her in 3.5 hours. Hope you’re all having a good day.

@Nammu I am so, so sorry for the loss of Sir. From all you've said about him I can tell he was a good cat. Please talk to us if you need to, even just to share memories of him.

Thank you so much, I wish I could post pictures. He used to look like a blue British shorthair then as he got old and lost weight he just looked like a ragged old man cat from the Wild West. His personality was like that of Sam Elliot in the Golden Compass. He was just a laid back cool character

I guess I'm just hanging on tonight. My moods and depression are ok. But I have had this bad headache for a couple hours that 2 extra strenghth tylenol and 32oz of water haven't helped. Then I've had this nausea that dramamine isn't helping. I think my extra valium is helping a bit with my anxiety. I don't have heartburn for once.

I went out this morning without an issue. Things didn't start until noon or so.

The idea of anything salty makes me want to barf though. My brother is having trouble getting his Ablify covered by insurance. They raised the price to $400 a month. His pdoc is seeing what they can ar

This is the same insurance that paid 100% for my $33 thousand surgery in 2021. It really pisses me off the way insurance works.

I'm kind of itchy but I don't think lamictal related.. I just need to get though these next few days

@Nammu:

I'm very sorry to hear about poor Sir. Sounds like he was suffering tho. You did the right thing.

so sorry for your loss @Nammu

Can you be hypomanic and sleep?

I can’t get the trigger warning code to work so take this as a big TRIGGER WARNING!

I think I am starting to worry my friend. I told him that [TRIGGER] I took inventory of the knives I have. He hasn’t said to go to the psych emergency. He said it’s not ethical for him to give me professional advice- that he can only do that as a friend. (He’s a social worker.[\TRIGGER]

Yes. I've always gotten three to four hours of sleep while hypo.