bipolar? that's ridiculous... right?

i just came back from my monthly psych appointment.
i am stewing in my therapist's waiting room, like the caprese prosciutto in my purse. from the italian deli across the street, the one where they call me "sweetie".
i poured every drop of my recent worries out onto her stiff, heather couch. like a sweatshirt. we talked about my half-assed internet pharmacology research and my PRNs. and then i told her about every erratic feeling and behavior that i've been experiencing for the past several months now. everything that's been making me feel crazy. crazy!!!
her response was "that sounds like bipolar-" and i stopped thinking. i stopped breathing. bipolar? i said, "i don't think it is! wouldn't i know by now?" and she told me diagnoses usually come after adolescence. i turn 20 in march. why bipolar??? my issues, my behaviors, they couldn't really be bipolar, could they. they don't last that long? she said "everyone is affected differently. it doesn't look the same for everyone." i guess it's true. the DSM isn't really the bible.
so what's next? the psych is stopping my abilify for the next 3 weeks. then, we'll talk about a brand new med. she said "lamictyl" a few times. these words are all terrifying, i don't want any of this. i don't want this, i don't want more meds. i just want to feel normal!!!

@mswee welcome to MSF. I wish I had the magic formula to make everything normal again for you.

The way meds work as I understand it, meds act on the brain's feel good receptors to make them work normally or closer to normal. Your doctor can give you a technical explanation but meds may actually make things more stable and possibly even normal.

Meds work for a while but when they do not work, then trying a different med may help.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

Don't worry. Even if you are bipolar it's not the end of the world, and Lamictal is a nice med.

You said that you might be bipolar AND that your Abilify would be stopped for the next 3 weeks. What was Abilify prescribed for in the first place? Was it an add-on for MDD?

it was!!! yes!!!!! how did you know that's amazing.

She said something along the lines of "to determine a baseline of symptoms" so we know what to focus on in treatment. I am open to that idea, but I am currently in the process of researching the safety and effectiveness of it all.

Getting informed is good!

You sound like you have a good support team

definitely better than a lot of people! i am grateful to everyone in my life, be they very few. i am hoping to expand my support network somehow. it will probably involve making and keeping friends, dammit!