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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,202
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#421
I haven't thrown up much today. Only a couple times. I can keep water down. But I am so exhausted I can't get out of bed. I restarted my vitamin D. So hopefully it helps and doesn't give me much trouble. Last time it gave me some anxiety.
I accidently gave myself my shot the wrong way on Wednesday and now I have a big blue and purple bruise with a white middle on my stomach. But mainly today I'm just tired. My anxiety has been ok lately. I'm not relying quite as much on my valium. __________________ I'm Blue |
BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte
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Member
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names
Posts: 474
1 3,371 hugs
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#422
@Blueberrybook:
I'm glad to hear you were able to resurrect your reading hobby. I was a voracious young reader too but since i got really sick i haven't been able to read for pleasure. I've developed another hobby, but i still miss reading. I'm happy for you. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,206
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4 5,933 hugs
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#423
Before this "no safe experience" crap, I was doing "baby stims," and OMG I actually read books. That was when I read The Body Keeps the Score, the first three Harry Potter books, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, and some shytty book from the library, I think it was called Atalanta. All in less than a month, and it felt great to actually read a sentence and understand it.
Nothing interesting happening on my end. Painfully bored. It's Hike Naked Day. So happy trails! __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,518
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9 10.8k hugs
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#424
Quote:
She's doing better, thanks. It was very scary (especially because it had similarities with how her brother died). Today she's been lethargic and not really coming out from under my bed. The vet said that sounded like pain so she got pain meds. Amazing little pills that can go in food and work for 24 hours. I never thought I'd get a pill in a cat but I just stuck this in some wet food (which she'd never had before) and she gulped it down. When this is over I have a feeling she'll be getting canned food treats from time to time. After the pain meds kicked in she seems a little better. She's been out from under the bed several times and has eaten well. She's interacted with me a little so I think we're heading in the right direction. Poor little girl though. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,202
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,477 hugs
given |
#425
I slept for a couple hours and I woke up from this same nightmare I had last night, with bad anxiety. I tried eating something and drinking something since I skipped dinner. But I just ended up puking for 10 minutes. Now I can't sleep
And how do I keep gaining weight by eating less, eating better, and drinking less soda and coffee? I've put on about 5 pounds these last 2 days. __________________ I'm Blue |
BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,038
9 7,737 hugs
given |
#426
Feeling really good this morning! Got five hours of sleep, which is good for me. Had a chill day yesterday, just listening to my audiobook so I can approve it for final production. So excited 😊. Chose the perfect narrator for Ava. Just have a couple minor edits I want her to do so far, so all is good.
I was getting all hot and bothered yesterday, you know, thinking about Husband, and then I saw our neighbor who likes to walk around in his boxers and under boob shirts. He is NASTY. Old, flabby, lots of facial hair, only one tooth, has kind of a lurching walk, drinks a lot of beer, looks like a gnome... Dried me right up. I guess the answer to my hypersexual problem is to think about HIM. Lol. Actually, I'm laying in bed right now, next to sleeping half naked husband and have a mini clitoral erection. Does he REALLY have to be so... APPEALING?! Ugh! I can't stand it!!! 😒 Sorry for the rated R tmi guys. I was gonna say my hypersexuality has decreased... but it really hasn't. All I can think about are certain male parts and putting them in my mouth! Again. Sorry! Had the strangest dreams last night. Definitely inserting in novel worthy! __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, LadyShadow, Mountaindewed, MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,202
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,477 hugs
given |
#427
After puking all night I weighed myself this morning and I had lost 5 pounds. Idk. I look it though. I ordered some toothpaste, vitmain D, body wash and fruit from Walmart. Then half an hour ago I went to Walgreens where I got a different kind of melatonin called Olly. My old kind seemed to have stopped working. I had enough money left on my insurance spendable card so I saved $15. I feel ok right now
I got an iced matcha from the coffee shop and my stomach hurts and I swear this lady who works there puts something in my drink. I don't go there often but every time I do go and shes there I get a bad stomach ache. My mom has an upset stomach from the sip of my drink she took. My room smells awful. Or else I'm just throwing up out of my nose again. But my floor is sticky. __________________ I'm Blue Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jun 22, 2024 at 11:11 AM.. |
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New Member
Member Since Jun 2024
Location: Dallas
Posts: 2
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#428
I thought I'd start here instead or the new user thread.
I was diagnosed with BP1 in 2002. I've only had one manic episode and have been taking lamicatal and then combined with lithium. I also take Abilify (2mg baby dose). The Abilify was to level out some chronic anxiety, My main deal is I was diagnosed with ADD years ago which made sense with emotional regulation that bites me in the *** sometimes. I t's really hard second guessing my mental wellness while sometimes masking at work and for sure at home. Sometimes it feels like I am waking through 3 feet of water (I stole that from a video I saw). |
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,038
9 7,737 hugs
given |
#429
Quote:
Anyway, welcome to the forum! We're all very nice here (all ten of us. Lol). __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,518
(SuperPoster!)
9 10.8k hugs
given |
#430
Quote:
Welcome @PHewson ! Have you ever tried medication for your ADHD? They have to be careful to not send your mood up but it sounds like that's been fairly stable for a while. I think some of the newer ADHD meds are considered safer with bipolar. I know we've had people on here before on meds for both and some have said it really makes a difference. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,696
6 324 hugs
given |
#431
@PHewson - Welcome!
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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LadyShadow
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,334
6 84 hugs
given |
#432
So I had to go shopping for a bunch of new clothes since I gained 50 pounds in the past year. Everything has become too small so I went to the Big and Tall store and found a bunch of nice shirts and pants. I prefer to dress semi-formal most of the time, which bothers my family because they say I don't look relaxed, but I'm comfortable.
The clothes I bought have nice prints and there are short and long sleeved shirts. I'm glad I found pants that are long enough. My anxiety is still way up, but the Klonopin is helping more today - about 70%. I still think of worst-case scenarios for almost everything and feel a sense of impending doom. The depression is still the same, so the Rexulti isn't doing much yet, but I'm only on day 2 on 2mg (up from 1mg). __________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, June08, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,038
9 7,737 hugs
given |
#433
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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LadyShadow, Scooter9
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,206
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,933 hugs
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#434
Welcome @PHewson!
I have ADHD-like symptoms too. Whether it's actual ADHD or a manifestation of trauma my treatment team and I are uncertain of though. I do find wee bits of stimulants helpful as long as I don't overdo them (but last year this time I was shooting meth so... that's a slippery slope for me since docs won't give me a script so it's street stuff for me, and I might as well get my money's worth). But I do not recommend the stims if you're still struggling majorly with anxiety. That's awesome that your BP hasn't been much of an issue for a bit though! Sounds like your med regime is working beautifully. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, LadyShadow, raspberrytorte
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,334
6 84 hugs
given |
#435
Quote:
I can relate to the anxiety, but I experience it differently than you do - it's more like a feeling that something awful is going to happen soon. I also had just one manic episode, brought on by meds, so now I'm unspecified bipolar, but my main problem is depression and anxiety. I've been in a depressed episode since 2017 when I had to suddenly stop Lamictal. __________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
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BeyondtheRainbow, LadyShadow, MuddyBoots, raspberrytorte
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,206
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,933 hugs
given |
#436
Today I called my mom. I'm going to try and reconcile things. More for my benefit honestly. I want my money, my mail, and my car (I mean technically the title is under her name, but I kissed an engineer's a*s for a discount and paid for it, and paid for anything going into it). She's pretty easy to manipulate. When you're her emotional and physical slave for long enough, she will do the basics like not light your shyt on fire, but when you can't keep that up, she's happy to kick you out now that you're a burden for not being trusted to get your meds after sleeping 10 hours in the prior week and taking her up on her offer to pick them up as she passes the pharmacy on her way home.
I don't know. Maybe I'm being selfish and should just let her keep my mail, do whatever she wants with money that's supposed to go towards my expenses (while I'm in over $50,000 in medical debt for three months of treatment that they want me to go through again for the same disease because it didn't work), and let a car I paid for and kept up with sit in her yard while I walk up to 15 miles a day should I want to go to therapy, go to the library, and get food in the same day. I started writing again too. Just journaling. More like thoughts that pop up that are fccking hilarious but also incredibly sick, offensive, or both. Thanks creepy, bigoted old men that were in my life from before I could walk until the day I found out my dad died!! __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
BeyondtheRainbow, June08, LadyShadow, raspberrytorte, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,202
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,477 hugs
given |
#437
I have this weird ulcer or bump or hemmroid thing. Idk. But it bleeds. I also barfed up 2 scoops of stew that I had for dinner and now I'm back to not being able to keep water down. I swear my eyes look like Pete Davidsons but that could just be from lack of sleep from this same dumb nightmare about the colonoscopy. That is in September. I've had similar dreams before about medical procedures, but now its actually coming true and idk really how to handle it. I sent an email over to my therapist.
But my laundry is done. All 10 or so medium black Goodfellow shirts and 3 or 4 pairs of blue Levis I'm in a lot of pain. Can you pull a muscle throwing up? __________________ I'm Blue Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jun 22, 2024 at 08:26 PM.. |
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 25,689
(SuperPoster!)
12 13.5k hugs
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#438
Welcome @PHewson! I hope you like our little thread here. Everyone is so nice and welcoming. Hopefully we will get to see your updates on how you are doing and things as the days progress. We would love to see your posts!
Me, well, I'm just a cluster*uck of emotions. There are things about my boyfriend's living situation that aren't ideal and keeping us apart that is starting to show its ugly head. I guess reality has just set in and I am feeling overly emotional about it. I am having a lot of thoughts about my ex, especially since my birthday is next week and his is 6 days after mine. I am feeling strongly about it because we used to always celebrate together, and my anxiety is starting to skyrocket. I don't know, I am going to church tomorrow, and I am just going to pray. I keep forgetting to allow God into my heart and help me through all these emotions. It's just so hard to reach for a higher power when you're so deep in your feelings. I have everything to be happy about, but I am just finding more and more ways to drown in sorrow. I hate this. Maybe men like my ex are just what I deserve. __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,518
(SuperPoster!)
9 10.8k hugs
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#439
@Mountaindewed Yes, you can pull a muscle vomiting. That's a sign you need to call your GI and push a bit for answers.
Have you ever had a colonoscopy? It's really worse than it sounds. Depending on your doctor either you drink a lot of gatorade mixed with miralax (I'd beg for that way) or drink a gallon of a solution over everal hours or sometimes it's something different but similar. You go in the next morning and they put in an IV, give you enough sedation you don't remember the procedure and the next thing you know you are in recovery. I think it only takes a few minutes for them to do the procedure. It's not like full anesthesia which is much harder to handle. They told me to go get pancakes. McDonalds had been serving all day breakfast and when we went there and they no longer had pancakes I was SOOOO disappointed. I'm not sure I've gotten my pancakes yet and my colonoscopy was 5 years ago. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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LadyShadow, Mountaindewed
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Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: USA
Posts: 248
2 1,339 hugs
given |
#440
Welcome @PHewson!!
_________________________ Wednesday, I started taking the birth control meds. I've had a few side effects-upset stomach, dizziness-but that's to be expected. The upset stomach wasn't so bad today. It is contributing to my depression symptoms though. It's actually been quite a strange experience-it's almost like I had a mini rapid cycle episode within the usual monthly bipolar symptoms I get. And, now I'm in the depressive crash part of the mini cycle. My emotions, in general, are a little more all over the place as my body adjusts-this is also kind of weird for me because, when stable, my emotions don't fluctuate much. I might message the prescribing doctor on Monday to see when I can expect these depression symptoms to let up, if they do for me. I know it takes time to get used to meds, I just don't want to suffer longer than is necessary or accidentally wait longer than I should and then the symptoms get really bad. __________________ Lamotrigine: 300 mg Bupropion: 150 mg Risperidone: 3 mg |
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