Bipolar Check-in #80

My stomach kinda hurts but its not a big deal. I just took a couple Tylenol a few minutes ago. I'm making Milky Way pudding and also a box of zero sugar all pink Starburst jello and a box of zero sugar blue raspberry Starburst jello.

I'm tired. Not sure why. I felt good this morning and I've only taken 1 valium. I'm just a bit low right now. I don't feel depressed.

I felt like one of my ulcers was going to rupture but I don't think that can happen. I know they can bleed. I'll call my doctor in the morning. I took some nausea heartburn Tums and they are helping. I'm also sitting up straight.

Edit: I took a 40 minute nap and I feel a lot better.

I was able to read a chapter & a half in my book!

I am SO glad the mania is beginning to curb. Now I'm just hoping my sleep improves.

I'm a lot calmer today than I've been since this bout of mania hit. I'm also taking my full dose of Seroquel again (started last week after promising H I would when he got a list of all my prescriptions from my pdoc and I had to admit the Seroquel I had in the pillbox was 150 mg, not 300 mg as prescribed). For the longest time 100 mg Seroquel worked for me...until it didn't.

Peace & love to everyone! Have a wonderful Sunday

@Blueberrybook Glad that you are feeling better. Being able to sit long enough to read is amazing!!!!!!!

My trip is still going well. We went to my friend’s cabin last night which was really nice. I slept better there than I have the entire trip. And, I managed to be able to take most of my meds without them in the room. The cabin is practically a one room cabin but I was able to take them before my friend and her kid got up. This friend told me she didn’t agree with my diagnosis when I first got diagnosed and I’m assuming her kid doesn’t know so I didn’t really feel comfortable with the thought of taking my meds in front of them.

I head home tomorrow. I love my friend and her family, but part of me that has been experiencing depression symptoms for awhile is somewhat ready to be home again.

I'm fine with Husband taking another gummy.... just as long as he doesn't drink while he's on it! He texted me and said he's definitely NOT drinking after having one. I'm definitely not taking that shyt however. He feels okay today, just a little hungover. Luckily he texted me that work is slow today, which is good. He said he was sorry and thanked me for taking care of him and I said it was fine and there was no reason to apologize and that he takes care of me all the time. ❤️ ❤️

I just love him SO SO much.

I wish I could post a picture of us on here. 😊 I got some good ones last night.

Having a Bad Omens day and laying in bed under the blankets trying to stay warm because our a/c is making the apartment feel like a refrigerator!

@Blueberrybook

Yeah. When I was put on Zoloft the first time it made me hypo, and it was only 25mg! So I got the BP 2 diagnosis in my mid/late twenties. I was put on Lamictal and Xanax and it made me feel SO much better! I got pregnant (surprise!!!) when I was 28 and had her when I was 29. I was on zoloft while I was pregnant to help with my anxiety (and situational depression) since I couldn't be on Xanax anymore, and I'd already tapered off Lamictal. I may have puked every day my entire pregnancy 🤢 but I was definitely happy! Lol.

I didn't breastfeed. I didn't like it. Soph didn't seem to like it, but she never had a problem with her formula and was never sick or threw up.

Plus, I didn't want to do it and felt pressured by everyone to do it. I was so pissed. I mean, nine months of morning sickness, squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of my crotch, a ravaged body.... and now THIS?! I hated everything about being a new mom!!! I don't care if that sounds bad! As a woman you have to go through EVERYTHING and all your man has to do is have an O inside of you!

Honestly, as far as I was concerned, EVERYONE ELSE could breastfeed if they wanted me to do it so much!!!

FUKK!

I'm getting all pissed thinking about it. Lol.

Anyway, yeah, I know I should take my full seroquel dose... it's just making me so FAT!!! UGH. I have the past two days because I couldn't fall asleep at night. I'm also still on 50mg of loxapine, and I was hoping that would be enough to keep the entities at bay.

Went to church this morning and cried a bit. Not a bad cry, just incredibly grateful for the life I am living today. Went to my mom and dad's after and they packed a bunch of food for me to take home, I love them so much. Was so bummed when my dad told me how lonely he is and how much he missed New York. It's all my fault they are here - if it wasn't for going to jail they never would have moved here. I feel like I uprooted their whole life. I feel so guilty and cried a bit on the way home.

But....

When I got home there was a note on my door from my probation officer. I am officially on Unsupervised Probation!! Which means basically OFF of probation but it is in name only until next year, I just can't get in any trouble, which I am obviously not- I have my freedom back, I have my life back, I can travel - no more visits, no more random drug tests - I can do whatever I want now!!

Still feel about my dad - I think I will get an ice cream cake for him next week - but life doesn't get any better than this. After all the pain and hurt from jail and my husband, I am finally putting all of this behind me.

@LadyShadow

That is SO awesome you are off probation! What wonderful news! Couldn’t happen to better person. You have really turned your life around!

pawpaws funeral is wednesday. thre will be a gun salute as he is a korean war veteran. he was94. wow. long life. i miss him so much.

gun fire always triggers bad memories for me of my step mother threatening my life and target shooting when i was 17. scary stuff she was.

i keep getting awful painful muscle spasms since starting risperdal

@halliebeth
Are you doing ok with everything? You're pawpaw lived a very long life. I don't know that anyone in my family has lived that long though I do have a grandmother who is 91.

Gunfire triggers me too

@Mountaindewed
This may not be the ED board, but please stop listing your list of foods consumed daily here & at the ED board. Since you post on the ED board frequently (yet claim to have no ED), you know good and well posting food lists of foods you consume like you do all the time is VERY TRIGGERING to EDs, most especially food lists containing zero sugar this, zero cal that, fat free this, I only ate fruit and veg today, etc. I do NOT appreciate it.

You KNOW there are people on this bipolar board who have EDs and are in recovery. I may be recovered 20 years, but I'm still NOT immune to ED thinking. There are probably others who read this thread who have EDs but do not post. Bipolar disorder and EDs are often co-morbid.

No one else sees the need to list their daily food consumption in such detail.

Stress has been NOT been shown to cause ulcers. The bacteria Helibacter pylori, NSAID use, and vomiting frequently (from the bile) are what have been shown to cause ulcers. Ulcers can increase your risk of stomach cancer significantly. They can perforate. You know how much warning I got between the onset of pain from my perforated ulcer and passing out? 4 hrs. That's it. Next was an ambulance and they said I'd have been dead in 8 hr. from the time it perforated if I hadn't had emergency surgery. Which is why I have gone on about ulcer care.