Questions bipolar version #11

I don't really have much of one. I mean right now I'm pretty much just wearing either jeans or leggings, a pair of old hiking boots I don't use for hiking now, and a flannel and/or hoodie. I like my beanies though. The ones with pom poms too

same Q

Emo/goth, but more goth.

What's your favorite kind of music? 🎶

Whatever Imagine Dragons is ….they really are my favourite!

Are you going to hand out Halloween candy this year?

I plan to, if there’s anyone to give some to. The kids (all half a dozen of them) around here tend to go altogether and alternate which areas they go to or skip so sometimes we’ll get a group or three and sometimes no one.

What’s your past/present with substance use including alcohol and any major impacts it had?

Don’t have much of a past with them except when I’m manic. Done coke when I’m already flying. Mushrooms, speed, oh I don’t know others. When I’m manic and hanging with the wrong crowd it seems exciting and daring to do drugs. Never do them at stable or depressed. Though alcohol I did and still do I don’t do much, I don’t like getting a buzz. Weed I did back in college. It became legal here and I tried edibles to help sleep but I don’t like the high so I don’t do it. I don’t know they just never did much for me, but I’m soooooooo fortunate that I was never caught.

Same question

Oof.

Weed wildly varies. There are a million and three things that could happen depending on strain, strength, and situation. I won't say it's done anything awful, but it's just overall unpleasant now and with having to choose between something that might have formaldehyde or driving to MA or ME, it's not a thing anymore. Opioids of any kind were my "most successful" attempt at self-medicating I guess, but damn if I couldn't get any I'd freak. And then there's overdosing. That's not the greatest experience. Alcohol and opioids felt incredibly similar in that I know and after a point logically knew I was addicted and it was no good, but it just so powerfully felt like it was the only thing getting me through the day I wouldn't stop. Alcohol was this cycle of "I'm upset->couple shots and life is good->that startedd wearing off so more shots and now I wanna die->sleep" that lasts too long. Meth was more a physical compulsion to use it after I tried it. I ended up floridly psychotic on it for a long while. I "tried coke" once but I don't even know if it was coke. Other people had the same stuff and went bonkers, but I just kinda watched them trying to match their energy but I wasn't manic and actually was as calm as I ever was at that point (I'm convinced they had a placebo effect). Funny enough, hallucinogens (only tried salvia, lsd, shrooms, and dxm) never triggered any sort of psychosis. Salvia might have actually, that was forever ago. I "died" during my dxm trip and haven't been acutely suicidal since, so I guess there's that (I don't condone it as a treatment haha, I just was scared by the image of my cat becoming possessed because I made out with the devil).

I can't even say as an addict where the cause/effect and correlation of using and my bipolar symptoms is because when I do use practically anything I focus on that and disregard my state, but then at some point the state is a severe episode that can't be disregarded and now that's two things on my plate.

Does your state (or similar applicable term) have a daily status update on how many people on boarding in ERs waiting for a psych unit bed? (I found NHs today! It's 19 involuntary adults and 7 children. Don't know about voluntary.)

I didn't find anything. But I did fall down a rabbit hole. I'm so confused; there was an article about "the only psych ER" in the city where I go for psych care closing but there's a psych ER at the hospital I go to and it wasn't listed. I'm fairly sure it is open still so I don't know what that is. I know I'm ashamed that I felt 36 hours was far too long to wait the only time I've had to go in through the ER when I have read about how long it takes others. 36 hours was long enough, mainly because they kept serving cold hamburgers and they didn't distribute meds until I begged and they gave me some so I could sleep. I didn't eat hamburgers for months after that admission. I am so blessed that my pdoc works for the hospital system and has directed admitted me every other time.


What is the longest you've waited for a psych bed?

I’ve been IP twice. First time I was sectioned and I had to wait in ED for 24 hours with someone watching my every move to make sure I didn’t run away lol. 2nd time was a private hospital and they had a bed as soon as I needed one basically.

Do you intend on doing something big for Christmas or just having a quiet one at home?

I honestly don't know. We always have 2 Christmases because my siblings have issues. But when that happens depends on my brother's work schedule. We'll have Christmas at my sister's on Christmas day which is a little more active because of the kids (but they are getting older and calmer). With my brother it will be Christmas eve or whenever he is off work. Last year I think it was New Year's before that worked out. It's kind of a mess and emotionally draining.

Have you ever made a friendship that formed in IP and lasted after?

Yeah. A few. 3/4 were addicts and all three relapsed either right before or right after I did, so I don't get involved with that now. The fourth I knew beforehand but just got close to during IP and we still talk.

Were there any blatant "I can't believe this is allowed" moments in IP for you? (Like a string piano not being monitored by staff in a room unlocked between 6am and midnight?)

Smoking outside. Nurses would come and do roll call and we’d just be sitting there having a drag. In hospital. Hmmmm good times.

How many times have you been IP, if any?

I lost count a long time ago. Between 28-40 it was a revolving door.

Ever been in a state hospital?

Yes.

Same question.

Yes both state and private. Let’s not talk about state ….

When last were you hypomanic?

This past spring/summer. It was great!

When was your last episode of depression?

I’m currently coming out of a depression episode that’s lasted at least 2 years. I’m not clear out of the woods just yet but I’m getting there!

How did you come up with your username on msf / any meaning behind it?

I wanted to change my username and created a thread to ask an opinion on the name I chose and someone created an account used that name and never posted again. So I chose my second favorite, Nammu who is a creation goddess. I love creation stories from ancient civilizations.

Does your username have a special significance for you?

It makes me think of when my daughter was little and we used to watch Strawberry Shortcake together in the morning. Raspberry Torte was the dorkiest one out of the group of girls. The show is like technicolor happy land!

Same question.

(Because once again I can't think of one. Sorry.)

My username is actually Crazy B——— but I couldn’t put the username I wanted lol

Have you ever used any other mental health website before?

As in forums? Yeah. I was briefly on psychforums, and sometimes I'm in different mental health subreddits, but most of them have a different vibe than somewhere like this that I don't care for.

If you could create your own fantasy planet to live on, what would it be like?

It would be a planet where no one suffers from mental health issues and there’s no crime just eutopia (sp?)

Are you currently in control of your self care routines or have you let them slip?

I'm pretty in control of them. Only thing that's an issue is sleeping and eating, and the sleeping is because it hasn't gotten winter quiet yet.

What are some really popular plant species where you are?

On our lot we have a lot of tulip poplars, walnut trees, sassafras.


(This came up on reddit the other day and not on a psych related subreddit): Have you been allowed to have your phone while IP?

Yes, when I was in a private hospital there was no restriction of my phone. When I was public no way was I allowed my phone.

Do you have a creative flair when you get hypomanic?

On the rare occasion I've been just hypo and not mixed, yes. I've not necessarily been good at what I was doing but I did it anyway (think a horribly stencilled fish mailbox.....It was ugly!).


What is something you are proud you have done in your life?