Bipolar Check-in #81

@Blueberrybook

I'd be happy to destroy your washing machine for you.

😈 😈

Heh, heh, heh @raspberrytorte, I just might take you up on that!

My stomach has been fine all day. I think the ulcers are finally healing. I got some anti itch spray for the rash. My mom sprayed it on me and she was like take off your shirt. A bit of gender euphoria there. It does seem to be helping. Idk what kind of virus the NP meant. I'm always careful so I don't think its anything to worry about although I do want to get my hematrcrit looked at since itchy red skin can be a sign of it.

We can all destroy the washing machine together!!! @raspberrytorte @Blueberrybook - I'll bring hammers for everyone!!! LOLOOL

I am so sorry they don't have rage rooms in your state @raspberrytorte what a shame! I need to go and check it out one day though!

Just overly anxious over this storm coming and if my area will get flooded. Just nerves on edge. But I am having a good night, my friend got his present that I sent of the stuff I got him from Galaxy Con - he loved it!!

Today was just crazy, worked in between BOTH my jobs today while going out and getting supplies to prepare for this storm - I swear I was about to jump out of my skin.

Congratulations @Blue_Bird with all of your success - I have also calmed down a lot in my reactions with my boyfriend, but I still get angry so quickly!! The one thing I did do was not call him when I am fuming, it saves me from saying something I'll just regret.

There is a light rain now, but bracing for the worst during the next two days. Going watch a movie then go to bed. Hope everyone has a great night!!

First day of school went well but I sure don't feel good after it. I sure hope some sleep helps. I may need to make myself sit more tomorrow than I did today too. The possibility of getting IV fluids is on pause until I see what the neurologist says next week so I'm just going to have to manage as much as I can on my own. My fluid/electrolyte intake has had to increase a ton since going back to work so I'm still really hoping I can get IV fluids one way or another.

I had a follow-up appointment with my gynecologist to see how birth control was going/if it was helping my mood like the goal was. I told her the med got me to remission but there is a side effect that just isn't going away. It's possible my body just needs more time to adjust to the med, but I'm not sure the alternatives she mentioned would be worth it. They don't regulate hormones in the same way the med/plan I'm on does and it's the hormone fluctuations that cause symptoms. I'm pretty frustrated and disappointed about all of this.

I'm kinda feeling crappy today. I still have the rash that hurts and my stomach is bothering me a lot. My nephews and niece are here all day and I just want to go out and get vegetables and salads and twice baked potatos but I can't.

Rough night and even rougher morning. Extreme tornado warnings in my area all morning and for the next 30 minutes. Just really afraid but have to keep myself as busy as I can. Going to try and work from home today as this crazy storm rages outside my window. Another one is developing in the Atlantic as this one is passing. Just a really crazy time of year. Earthquake in California and a really bad one in Japan causing a crazy tsunami. The world is just nuts.

I hope everyone is having a good start to their Thursday and staying safe. I am a mix of emotions because I had almost no sleep last night - the most I think I got was two hours, but it was a completely broken sleep. Just hate living alone during scary times.

Emotional, weepy day. My birthday is looming ahead of me and I just feel old and fat and wrinkled and ugly and like half my life is overwith. I know it's stupid. So far my forties have been great! I published a book, Daughter is at a great age, Husband and I have never been closer (or spicier! 😉 🌶 ), and I've been getting great submissions for the ezine! We've been doing a lot of things as a family and Daughter and I are getting closer.

I just want to lay in bed all day and cry. I don't know what's wrong with me! I was perfectly fine on Monday when I saw my therapist. I mean I was moody and irritable, but now I'm just overcome with weepy emotions! And now it just seems for seemingly no reason really.

I have to see my doctor. Not that she can do much. It's like I'm on birth control (that made me PMS the entire month! It was awful!) but I'm not.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

😭 😭 😭

@LadyShadow

You'll be okay. Just take deep breaths. Text people so you feel connected and not so alone. 🫂 ❤️

@raspberrytorte have you looked into Seasonale birth control? You only get your period 4 times a year so you only PMS 4 times a year. Its good stuff.

When I was on it before I would sometimes skip the week before to get to my period faster so I wouldn't deal with PMS at all.

I’m an anxious mess right now. My sister was after me to buy a new car with the money i inherited from mum. But I’ve been too nervous to spend that much. Then yesterday when I took my car to the dealership to get updates. I asked to see a car the had on their website. A year old certified car still under full warranty. I got it! It’s not brand new but it’s got less than 6000 miles on it and it was a top line model for less than the price of a cheaper brand new model. Plus I don’t lose the depreciation the minute I drive off the lot. Even though it was a great deal it’s so much money for me to spend. I liked having that pile of money in the bank. It was a security blanket. It’s nice having a car that’s going to last me until I’m too old to drive, but gosh, so much money.

Met my sister and bil at the fair. Only took my cane not the walker. Oof. That was a mistake. Too much walking my back it now protesting and I’m ready for a nap

CEO and CFO were at my work for a live CEO chat session today. we were "strongly encouraged to attend." i ended up being right beside where he sat. uh 120 people were watching us live as he gave updates to our non profit i work for. we are a CCBHC in the US. we are apparently opening a crisis stabilization unit downtown and i am interested inworking there after school. im doing my practicum in a couple weeks at a CSU for another nonprofit. i wanna do the inpatient type stuff without going to a hospital.

anyway it was awkward. i offered him to join us for pizza afterwards lol

I texted my case manager a link yesterday about antipsychotics being linked to cataracts. I found out Tuesday that I have them! But cm hasn’t responded yesterday or today! She always responds to my texts! Should I be worried?

My mom and I had a conversation on the phone about my finances. She’s coming over tomorrow to go through all my bills I pay either monthly or yearly and try to organize things. I pay my bill on time but this latest manic episode really threw them into disarray. We are going to write them all down. I usually pay all my bills through apps or they are set on automatic withdrawal. Plus I had to get new glasses yesterday so now I’m really broke. But at least my bills are paid!

My Chicago friend is coming to see me the day after tomorrow. Haven’t seen him since we went on our trip back in May. We talk every day on the phone but it’s not the same as in person.

Noah’s gpa went up after the summer semester of all As! If he can keep it up he may have a chance of getting into university of Michigan’s engineering program!

Started my new book last night. So far it’s good. It’s about a psychiatrist who is experimenting on a small group of mentally ill patients. She’s giving them ketamine and MDMA at the same time in a controlled environment! Of course things are going to go wrong! I love Daniel Kala’s books! This is his newest book. It just came out the end of May.

Things are much better.

Anxiety is still high but it's more manageable.

I had a very insightful session with my T today. Things make more sense. I have a way to cope and look at my anxiety, but it'll take time for the actions I take to make a difference. So there's hope that things can improve - slowly, but improve.

I'm thinking of stopping Prozac on my own. I won't see my pdoc until some time in September and I'm not convinced that it is making any difference. I've been on it for years. If I stop it, I would only be in Remeron.

I'm thinking I'll start by taking it every third day for a month and then every fifth day for the next month, etc. A little aggressive but I think that'll keep the withdrawals at bay.

So exhausted, but I know I am going to sleep good tonight hopefully. This storm is so slow moving and dumping so much rain and we are still under severe tornado watches till 8pm tomorrow. : (

Just buried myself in work today to try and get my mind off of things because my boyfriend has a family member in the hospital, and I am worried about him. Just a lot of stress today and just raining and gloomy and stormy, its moving so SLOW and causing so much havoc. Just so tired too.

I understand @raspberrytorte - I get the emotions; trust me I do. After the anger, then the tears start. That's just the order of events lol. I KNOW! I hope you get your finances sorted out @Moose72 - I know all about the spending too, it's one of my vices as well, sometimes I don't think it's even bipolar I think it's just being a New Yorker, lol.

Anyway, hope everyone is having a good day - it's going to be a long, quiet weekend for me, stress-free and hopefully with a little sunshine! It's literally been raining forever now, ugh, come on! Maybe if I think hard enough about the sun it will come out!!

Sorry to those of you struggling. Big hugs!

My wound came back again! I'm just going to have my fried help with it and call the wound clinic for advice. Bc by the time I get an appointment, it's healed. My friend can't take me in the day bc she works.

Didn't hear from my son son for 3 days. I called him numerous times. Where he's at they can smoke weed and drink and sure enough he had smoked weed twice. I've got to let him make his own decisions. I told him I didn't think it's a good idea. But like I said he is an adult.

I went and saw my sister yesterday. She's really losing weight. I did speech therapy with her and we talked but she's still really struggling with her speech. My other sister made stir fry and rhubarb crisp. It all was very good.

I did get my twice baked potatos and fennel once the kids left. My stomach is kinda a mess and my rash has spread to my neck and I have some bumps on my face and head, but it stopped itching so much.

My moods and anxiety are better now thankfully.

Had a long day out with the family. Fun but exhausted.

My mood is OK especially considering my stupid period started early. We had a long drive home, and there was quite a long stretch, IDK 60 miles or so without a gas station in site, and that is NOT what you want when you just start your period!

@Blueberrybook

No. That's definitely not what you want at all! That sucks. I ended up having a fun family day too. Daughter and Husband made me go outside and play with squirt guns with them (after I was wailing at the kitchen table about being a land whale! And how I didn't want to do anything except for sleep. They pretty much dragged me outside with them. Lol!), and it was a lot of fun! Then we went and played volleyball at the park for a while, so they made me feel better since I got outside and spent some time with them.

@Mountaindewed

No. I've never heard of Seasonale birth control before. That sounds amazing! I've been on many different hormonal birth control pills, and they ALL caused me to PMS all month, regardless of how much of whatever hormone was in them, so I'm leary about trying any hormonal birth control. They also all killed my sex drive, and I enjoy some spice 🌶 in my life and would rather that not go away. I'll talk to my doctor though. I'm due for a pap and well checkup this month. Just have to schedule an appointment (I hate stupid paps). And I'm probably going to have to schedule an appointment to get my boobs squished. Yippie.

@LadyShadow

Sorry the storm is so slow moving. Do you live in an apartment? Are you in your bathroom? I just ask because our complex doesn't have a basement and we always seem to get severe weather and tornadoes when I'm home alone so I have to throw the cats in the bathroom with me and settle down in the bathtub on a blanket. Lol. Then I sit and text people on my phone and just kind of chill for a few hours (and then the power goes out, etc.).

I don't know. That's what I do. I hope you get sleep tonight! At least your power hasn't gone out!

@Scooter9

I hate anxiety so much. I'm happy your therapist showed you some new skills to help you cope. I hope they work!

Everyone else, love and hugs and all that! Hope everyone has a wonderful evening (or morning or afternoon, depending on wherever you are!).

🥰🥰🥰

I just talked for an hour with my sister and then an hour and a half with my mom- all about Dad. Boy will I have a lot to say in therapy on Monday!