Bipolar Check-in #81

Oh good grief. Got an automated call from the pharmacy; I have 5 prescriptions ready. I just went last week for a prescription. I really wish they would all refill at the same time. I'm sick of going there.

I have the color app on my phone. It is relaxing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook Oh good grief. Got an automated call from the pharmacy; I have 5 prescriptions ready. I just went last week for a prescription. I really wish they would all refill at the same time. I'm sick of going there.

This, this and this some more!!! @Blueberrybook - I was JUST talking about this two weeks ago. I take SO many trips to the pharmacy, I absolutely hate it. I empathize with you.

Today is an anxious day - I don't suffer from anxiety at all, (or maybe I do, and just don't notice it), but I had two nails in my front tires this morning which made me two hours late to work. My boss goes "if there is no one there to open the store we get charged $50 every half hour its closed" I'm just thinking, what if I was sick? You mean to tell me there is NO back-up if something happens to me? UGH. The worst part is I feel so guilty and anxious my stomach is so upset right now. : (

I am dealing with a lot of guilt. Feeling punished like I deserve to feel bad. I have a sinking anxious feeling, and I don't like it. I suppose it could be a lot worse, the tires could have been completely flat this morning and AAA would have to get involved and I would have been even MORE late. I just feel really bad so much is resting on my shoulders.

I think I was taking too much vitamin D. Because I stopped it yesterday or something and my stomach has been decent ever since. Idk if I had toxicity or something. I was taking 2000 a day for awhile.

I saw my GI doctor today. He was totally validating. He was understanding that I went back on my old stomach med. He increased it to twice a day. He said that should help heal my ulcers and upper GI inflamattion faster. He said to call back in 2 months if things have improved because he doesn't want me on this dose forever. He refilled my zofran too.

But yeah it was a good appointment. Unlike my normal hospital where my other doctors are, I left feeling listened to

I paid $15 for a meal at Mcdonalds becauae they had these collectors cups that were supposed to be like the ones from the 70s. I didn't want or eat much of the food. But the glass is like this plastic dollar store cup. Eh at least I got a Grimace one and not a Barbie one.

I feel like I dress too young sometimes. Today I had on a T shirt, cargo shorts, and Nike dunks. I don't really know how a 31 year old dresses. I look at pictures of Elliot Page or Gottmik and they wear designer brands. Idk.

I swear the mormons keep coming to my house because they see my black cat sitting on the windowsill.

I don't know where else to post this...



Do I just have to deal with it and finally tell the doctor?

Sorry if this is tmi. But I just needed to ask.

Ok so I told my mom. Without all the extra details.

Still so pissed at my Pdoc for calling my husband

So happy I’m not inpatient tinight

Couple of things.

Hope this helps. Maybe a warm bath?

My counseling appointment went alright yesterday. I'm thinking I might be in a phase of life where it would actually be better for me to take a break from counseling.

I saw a neurologist today for a second opinion about POTs. He apologized for the last neurologist I saw and is willing to try to help me out. He also suggested I see a cardiologist and try to get into the Mayo clinic that's where I live. I have an HMO insurance plan so I have a feeling Mayo isn't an option. I am grateful he listened to me and trusted what my PCP thought.

The neurologist prescribed a med that can help with POTs symptoms but, when I got home, I discovered a corticosteroid. I messaged my pdoc about this since prednisone caused hypomanic symptoms. My pdoc said, if I feel the POTs symptoms need the med, I can "judiciously" start them and that we would probably be able to treat any bipolar symptoms by increasing my meds. It's been so nice being bipolar symptoms free, but it's hard to teach when standing makes you feel light headed. I have to decide if the risk of bipolar symptoms is worth the possible reward of diminished POTs symptoms.

I watched a Netflix comedy special by Tom Papa called "You're Doing Great!" It's about how hard life is and how we are all flawed and it's all okay because we are getting thru it. It was a good message for me to hear.

Otherwise, today was the same as yesterday, and i feel weary. I took a shower -- i guess that was an accomplishment. Listening to music was disappointing this evening. I listened to Eminem's new song "Houdini" several times but it's just hollow rap. I like a really emotional Eminem song called "Spacebound" but i guess it's not typical of his work. He's clever tho.

I don't know why i keep living with such an empty life. I guess i am just living by default. My heart beats, i breathe in and out. It's involuntary. There's nothing i can do about it, so i'll just tolerate it as best i can. Make the minimum effort so i don't get angry when i don't get anything back.

I don't know how to start an new post!

I would like to know from people if anyone has a solution for me. I get so frustrated when I get robo voices when I call corporations, that I SCREAM at the top of my lungs! I scream at the robo; I don't scream at people on the phone. But I get so terribly, terribly upset, and these abusive phone systems ruin my entire day! How do I not scream? It ruins my voice to scream like that. I don't want to scream. But I can't stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't play my musical instruments, because I have to stay on the phone a long time to get an agent, and I have to answer their repeated robo questions. I need something important, such as that my system that I subscribe to is not working, etc. At some point, I can get through the robo voices by saying "AgentAgentAgent" about 30 times! And then I get an agent of the corporation. But that's after a long, long series of robo voices. This terrible corporation doesn't even have live chat anymore!!!!!!!!! It's automatic chat now! Live chat was fine. But this corporation is so ABUSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The good news is that I punished the corporation that gives me these fits, by firing them. I also reported them to the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) for abuse of the public airwaves. I subscribed to another corporation, and my nephew says he's had that other corporation for years, and is very happy with it. But it took over 2 hours of my day to subscribe to the new corporation, and it would not take my debit card for payment, so I have to apply for a credit card to pay for its services.

Well it’s officially the weekend for me now in Australia. I should be excited but I feel like a hamster stuck in a wheel again because I know next week I have to do it all again. It wasn’t easy this week and to think that Wednesday was a curriculum planning day and I didn’t even see students. Man this gig is tough.

The pain is ok today. Not much of an issue. I feel pretty good. Those stress gummies do work decently and they don't have any side effects. I think getting off the vitamin D was a good choice too.

I need to get salads and rice cakes and other **** today. And caramel M&Ms

@WantToShare
I hate those robo calls too, especially when saying "agent" or "representative" doesn't work on them. My H had one that frustrated him so much recently he kept yelling things like "lawsuit" and saying gibberish into the phone. I don't think that approach worked either. It's crazy you can't call and just get a D@MN PERSON on the phone when used to you could call and get a representative/operator who would either answer your question or take down a message for someone or route you directly to the extension you need. It is BEYOND frustrating! I can def. understand your screaming into the phone with it; unfortunately, I don't have a solution for you.

I had my walk/jog this morning, and it's a bti frustrating b/c the end of my road is under construction, and I have to go in the opposite direction and re-route my path, which I do not like at all. Not that it's a bad route; I just don't like the change.

After my shower, I had an appt. with my rheumatologist for fibromyalgia. He gave me a script for prn tizandine b/c sometimes I have muscle spasms and cramping with the fibro. and told me to stay on the gabapentin. Nothing earth-shattering, but the appt. took absolutely FOREVER, tons of waiting, but that's what it is in a lot of the doctors' offices now. Thank God my pdoc is very good about keeping timely appts. since he's the doctor I see most often.

I'm going to the library soon with my daughter. I have to try to get my anxiety under control; my daughter wants to drive (she's still only got a learner's permit), but I swear this girl drives SO close to the right edge of the road, it makes me panicky in the car. I will tell her to ease the car a little left and she will but 5, 10 sec. later she's far right again. Gotta get my nerves under control. I really hate this anxiety about her driving.

@Blueberrybook google it! There are various youtube videos about "how to center your car in the lane" with different tips and techniques. Your daughter is probably just using a guideline that isnt quite working. I sympathize, because my mother always used to drive too far to the left.

Um, yeah, I scream at the robo too. I let out all my anger on them, it, whatever. My daughter thinks it's funny. Lol. I especially hate it when I call CVS and have to talk to a pharmacist because the stupid robotic voice just takes me in circles FOREVER until I'm finally able to speak to a human! Or when I have to call the eye doctor insurance company.... ugh. Those robotic voices PISS ME OFF. I NEVER scream at people the way I scream and abuse them!!!!

Anyway, so you're not alone in your robotic voice frustration. Lol.

Oh, and welcome to the forum! 🫂 ❤️

Ooo I went though the robo call recently with my dentist office. You’d think they’d be especially Ernest to please their customers and not drive them away with robo calls. It was especially frustrating because it told me to press 2 for rescheduling but nothing ever happened, so I pushed 1 for new appointments. But she couldn’t help me!

@WantToShare

Theres a little black box with the words "post reply" above the last or first post? Idk, i list my posts in reverse order so the newst is always first.

I got 2 calls today from an 800 number company that is supposedly a legit debt company. But I don't owe any debt. They didn't leave a message and haven't called again. My mom keeps getting these scam likely calls. Wtf. I"m kinda spooked right now.

Still doing the 24 hour urine collection. Gotta bring it to the lab in the morning. I hope it turns out ok. I’m afraid it will be bad news.

Had a good therapy appointment this morning. 😊 We talked about my appointment with my new POS psychiatrist on Monday and both my therapist and I agreed I should just stay on seroquel, even if it's made me gain fifty pounds since I'm finally in a stable place. I told her I just wanted to keep all my meds the same, since I'm finally happy and doing well (with the exception of my normal mood fluctuations). Hopefully new psychiatrist will just agree to keep everything the same and won't want to change a bunch of stuff. And hopefully she prescribes benzos. I guess I'll just worry about it on Monday. For now I'm fine.

I'm excited because Husband and I are going to a last minute concert in Green Bay. Yay! Rock on! 🤘 And it's actually bands that I'm going to like. They're more on the emo side, but whatever. Husband was joking before about how when Daughter gets into middle school I'll be listening to all the same bands as her classmates. I was like, "Hahaha." 😂 Yeah. I know I'm a 42 year old woman. I get all paranoid I don't act my age, like don't dress my age or listen to music my age, etc. But I don't know what 42 year old women are supposed to listen to or how they're supposed to dress! I told Husband I wanted to get a neck tattoo and for some reason he laughed at me. I don't know why. He has two! Then he stopped laughing and commented on how it wasn't like I was going to be working again anyway. I'm not actually getting a neck tattoo. Lol. I'm getting my next tattoo on the inside of my lower left arm. I have some ugly self harm scars I want to cover up. Hopefully I'll have enough money by October!