Planing for the future

My mom got hers done a couple of years ago. It cost $3k total. So I'm estimating $12k. Which would add $10/month to our loan. so our total monthly would be about $550 for an accessible house, including taxes, condo fees and things like that. We would apply for liheap, CPA, get more in EBT, and utility/mortgage assistance of $666 a month. I would also change from instacart to Walmart+meals which would save $80 a month and $50 a year . So while it would technically be more for the condo we may come out positive. Especially since I wouldn't be ordering when I'm really hungry or at least not as much.

Can your husband just buy groceries or is he immobile? When I struggled financially, I never ordered any food. Just shopped in a grocery store

Why do you have to wake him up if you are hungry. I understand about shower but can you have basic meal on your own? If you can do computer work, you could move at least one arm/hand and that’s all you need.

Because of his mental health issues he cannot use the store. Plus we have transportation issues. It's just easier to order groceries.

I can not use the kitchen.

Why can’t you use the kitchen? What’s wrong with it? You said you are ok with a microwave. If your husband can’t cook either, then waking him up might not serve the purpose. Would you be able to use the kitchen in a new place?

It's too closed in. The new place any new place we get will have a straight line kitchen. My husband cooks. We ordered groceries from the store on EBT but there's fees and tip. Walmart doesn't have fees but there's no Walmart here. So we spend $80 on fees a month. But when we have cash and I don't want to wake him up I'll order a $6 meal to be delivered.

How does he cook if he cannot use the stove? Slow cooker? Oven? Is he sleeping during the day or you are eating during the night? Why is he sleeping?

Can he cook a batch of food in like a slow cooker and you’ll all have food to eat? It seems that between three adults you could figure some type of food routine? Maybe cook bigger batches of food so you eat better and cheaper? Make small containers to warm up in the microwave? If you are afraid of the kitchen, put a microwave in the hallway? Rooms?

Is it claustrophobia issue with inability to be in a kitchen or something else? I’ve met people with all kind of issues but this one seems very unusual. That’s when vocational rehab could help to teach the whole family how to manage food and kitchen

I'm sorry. He does cook. It's me who has difficulty. But if he's sleeping or away I can't do it if I'm hungry. So I either have to wake him or order something small. I don't sleep well and his meds make him sleep 12+ hrs.

.

Its not fear it's a mobility issue. I can't keep my balance the way the stove is. I need a straight line kitchen to catch myself with the counter.. we only get less than $300 / month in EBT.

$300 certainly is not enough for three grown people. A 100 bucks s month isn’t enough. Food bank? I think you’d qualify.

I think I got confused because you said your husband’s mental health won’t allow him to use the stove so I wondered how he cooks. Mind you, one can cook without stove, it’s just a little hard. I still think that you need some type of care team to help all three of you to figure out some type of food routine.

Do you have a walker or a cane to get around? With a Walker you might be able to move around. I have a tiny kitchen but I could squeeze Walker there if need to and hold on to it for balance

We've tried a cane it's to unstable and a walker I can't push/control with one hand. He can use the stove. He can't go to the store it's too overwhelming.

We do use food banks. They have really good ones with fresh vegetables and fruit that they grow on top of the hospitals.

Hi Victoria’smom, I’m sorry for your troubles. I’m curious about your lack of eligibility for meals on wheels. Since your husband is in his 60s, he should qualify, plus your mobility issues should qualify you as well even if you’re not 60. It may be something to double check? Good luck!
Find Meals | Meals on Wheels America.

Oh my bad I thought you said he can’t use STOVE. Sounds like he can’t use stores.

I think his dad is in his 60s, not him?

Yeah I’d say someone with such limited use of legs (cannot walk to the kitchen by herself or shower) and with use of only one arm unable to even hold a plate would qualify for quite a few things. It’s pretty extreme. I’d look into it too. Good idea

You have to be home bound here for meals on wheels here. T says to take the week off, contact my PCP (already did), get back on any medication, even if I have to call my unhelpful pdoc. Remember that most my stresses are out of my control.

I'm 41, husband is 42.

Thank you for the clarification divine1966.

Oh, I thought you all were older and home bound, my bad. That is quite a pickle.

So school is cancelled for me for the foreseeable future. My t wants me to reduce stress. She said it's going to take months to recover from everything going on. Meds are going to take a while. We talked about getting another service animal, when the time was right, and more tricks for reality checking without the dog.

I'm sorry @Victoria'smom I know you had your hopes set on this. Sounds like you need your meds fixed before anything else. Do you know when you move (speaking of stressful things....)?

We're still in the last phase of the drawing and the last phase of move in assistance. So hopefully we hear more Monday. Exterminator is coming in Monday too. They threatened the whole building with fines. So hopefully we get out of here soon. The soonest I can restart medicine is Wednesday.

That sucks about the exterminator and the meds. Are you going to have to start a totally different med?

I hope the moving assistance goes through quickly.


I don't understand, what are you drawing? Sorry. I'm tired and not thinking straight .

So how it works here is you get a voucher and find a private unit to rent. Then if you want an apartment complex you go on a list. Each apartment has its own list. Then when a low income place opens up they have a drawing. The top x people are invited to move their application forward. After they get all the applications in if you're still high enough on the list your put into phase two. Which is the verification, credit check and signing the lease.

I haven't kept any medication down for about a month. So I stopped even trying. So I will be on all new medicine tomorrow but with mail delivery it won't be here until Wednesday. My therapist is worried I have great insight that it'll fade as time goes on. She's impressed with all the systems I have set up to live a normal-ish life but it masks the severity apparently even medicated I'm servere. I don't want medicine I want to try keto but the way my t makes it sound I'm moments away from the hospital especially if I don't destress.

We're working on giving me the freedom to roam around the house when Athena passes. Instead of me hiding in the closet behind 2 locked doors when home alone. My whole routine revolves around the dog. From when I eat and sleep and take meds to being able to function alone. I haven't even mentioned how she stops me from self harming when home alone. I didn't want her to be even more concerned then she is. We talked about wether getting a replacement now would be better or waiting.

So next month I have to buy alarms for doors and windows but that won't help when the paranoia is high like deep pressure therapy does. Apparently being out of the closet while paranoid vs being able to use the house while paranoid isn't as large of a step as I think and the amount of paranoia I have staying home alone means my meds aren't working well enough. She doesn't know it's worse outside. She was surprised I'm so paranoid while on medication.

I think my eating disorder voice is back. I don't want meds I actually told h to watch me take them when they come. I don't know how to tell my therapist I don't want help without being locked up. I don't get along with my pdoc and I don't think she can truly help me.

I don't know how to just chill so which exasperate my symptoms. So that's not good. I can't listen to music, my earbuds got stolen, I'm to agitated color, I can only rest so much. I'm going to look into injectables again.

So once again a professional told us it's going to take us a lot longer to be healthy enough to work if ever but the PCA is a good idea.