Bipolar Check-in #83

I had trouble sleeping last night. That's rare for me. So today all i did was doze with "Ozark" playing. It was really nice.

Hugs to all in need!

Hiking did help, and it was full on winter about 1,000ft higher in elevation than that pic! I got to use my microspikes on some icy slabs and I feel amazzzzing. It was my first 4k'er in years, and I'm so happy to know I can still physically do them (I mean this was probably of the top 5 easiest of the 48, but still, 2,000ft of elevation gain in 2.3mi (and then back!) is pretty good!)(Also arguably the worst footing of any hike I've done, but maybe I'm forgetting some hikes)

Dealing with the whole is it possibly a heart attack thing again. and my chest feels weird. I'm also coughing a lot so maybe I'm just starting to get the covid. Its better when I lie on my right side. My blood pressure is 132/82 and my pulse is 91.

Could also be heartburn. Or anxiety from lack of valium. Even though I still don't feel the need to take one. Maybe I'll try some Tums.

I am so out of shape I am very achy just from cleaning out the dishwasher. Idk what to do. Any sort of physical activity causes massive pain and other stuff that will show up on Xrays.

I remember at 23 doing a 12 hour black friday shift, sleeping for 10 hours, then spending all the next day shopping. Now at 31 I'm just barfy and achy all the time.

All I have are dumb melatonin tums

I keep coughing though even with Tums and my throat feels funny. But the heart attack stuff went away. I just made that horse sound while coughing. I'll test in the morning if I still feel like crap.

I finally see my pdoc tomorrow. I imagine I'll be on 100 mg of Seroquel at night and maybe 50 mg PRN. Something has to happen. I forgot to tell my therapist I had this appointment which is too bad; he may have wanted to send her an email. Oh well. Fridays aren't my usual days to see her so I just forgot..

Still really tired. We went and voted today or I would have taken a nap. As it was the timing wasn't right for a nap without missing supper. I need a few things from Walmart and I should have gone today since I have pdoc tomorrow but I forgot about pdoc and so I guess I'll go Saturday. I mostly just need blueberries so that's not the end of the world, just something I eat every day and will miss having. I suppose I can survive though .

I’ve been checking interactions and stuff since I get really hung over if I use 50 mg of seroquel. Found that seroquel, latuda and gabapentin together can cause increased sedation and are to be used cautiously in seniors over 65. I have a hangover sleepiness that lasts until noon or 3pm. So I can only take 25 mg. The half-life is 6-7 hours but it takes 35 hours to completely leave. So that means it builds up. Tomorrow I need to be in Rochester at noon, so no seroquel at all for me tonight. I need to be able to drive. On the other hand the AD effect is building up and I need that, I think. I’m feeling somewhat better since sleeping. I went out tonight with a friend. It wasn’t long, just dinner. But we had a good time and when we got back. We sat in the community room taking to a few people. I’m still having a hard time around people so maybe the AD effect will help? But it’s such a small dose I don’t know.

I met the most caring and empathetic gp today. Turns out she knows my psychiatrist they used to work together! She wants to help me on my recovery to wellness and wants to see me every second week. She noticed my hands were shaking because I was nervous. She asked if I get heart palpitations and I said yes. She is going to give me meds next time to help with that. I’m seeing her on Tuesday for a double session. Such a sharp contrast to to the old gp I used to see where I could barely wait to get out his office!

KMFDM show was a lot of fun. 😁 Dinner with my parents was pleasant enough. My mom behaved herself, even after drinking a margarita. When we got home I started sneezing and my eyes started running and I couldn't stop blowing my nose, so I'm having an allergic reaction to something. 🤧 Took two benadryl but my nose is still itchy and I have a massive headache, and I think I'm going to sneeze again.

I never did get in contact with my psychiatrist and she only works Monday through Wednesday. Oh well. I have an appointment with her next week, and I have my usual therapist appointment tomorrow morning. I can't wait to tell her how bold I was feeling with reaching out to my mom and actually meeting them for dinner! She's going to be shocked! She wants to take me out for gelato tomorrow morning, before it gets too cold out, since I've never tried it before.

@Nammu

Makes sense your anxiety is better now that you're on the Seroquel. Seroquel helps with anxiety. I know it's supposed to be my main antipsychotic but I lump it in with my other anxiety meds, since it helps so much with that. 100mg and half hour to forty-five minutes later and I'm cool as a cucumber! It's great! Works better than my benzo.

First, a good thing: My students grasped today's task better/faster than past years have-I'm very proud of them!

Otherwise, what a day. I completely shut down when I got home. Long story short, there were a few stressful things at work and extreme irritability kicked in for a bit in the afternoon. When I got home, I just crashed and numbed out all night. Then, I remembered what my counselor gave me about reflecting on what I can control vs can't and somehow found the strength to do some of the things I would normally do, for my nightly routine, before I head to bed.

I was able to pick up the new birth control pill. I ended up having to pay with GoodRX (Kind of, the pharmacy isn't contracted with them so it was more than the GoodRX website said but less than if I didn't use it). I had to do this because they said I owed $72 otherwise. With the discount, I paid $35 for a three month supply, so not to bad all thing considered. I risked it and took my first dose tonight, even though I work tomorrow, in case it can help stop this mood episode that's trying to sneak in. If things get bad enough, I'll take an extra mg of risperidone for a few days to help ease things.

Here's hoping for no side effects with this birth control (or, at least manageable ones)!

I'm coughing badly and my throat hurts. I'll have to take a test in the morning.

I had 2 dreams where I was a kid and had to clean up giant messes before I could go out. Also I had a dream where my 35 year old sister was dating this man in his 50's and I don't know if his name was George or Azz pronuced ***. Lol.