Bipolar Check-in #83

Well I pushed myself to go down and play games. One lady asked if she could get a ride to get her glasses, and pick up her husband’s mail. He died and his house is empty. I don’t mind sometimes. I say no a lot. I don’t mind the occasional ride but I’m really a homebody and don’t like going here and there just to spend money. A person doesn’t need to spend money everyday of the week. I know it’s good for me to get out though.

While I was out I stopped at the coffee shop to get a refresher. It wasn’t a Starbucks tho but I got something similar. Feels great on my throat that’s still sore for some reason. Tasty too, they put real peach into it.

Well that was my big effort today, not going to bingo tonight. I don’t know, eh, bingo just isn’t my cup of tea right now.

Well we may lose the perfect apartment because I'm a **** up. This is bull ****.

Take it easy on yourself @victoria’smom

I hope everything works out for you 🫂

Someone got into my computer, got my credit card details, and did some fraudulent transactions.

I know they got into my computer because they were moving the mouse and poking through all of my stuff.

I managed to stop them and figured out how they got in, repaired programs, fixed files, reverted system settings, etc. It took hours. I also reset all of my passwords and cancelled my cards.

What a pain! I'm glad I'm technical so I was able to figure it out myself. My son was watching me and he kept asking how I know what to do.

All this triggered a major panic attack with shaking, fast heart, racing thoughts, etc.

I made it through though. I might just reinstall my system to be on the safe side.

This happened because I downloaded an app from a vendor's website and they were compromised, so the hackers replaced the legitimate app with an infected one.

If you use Windows, make sure that you're running Microsoft Defender and give it permission to scan your files. It takes 2 minutes to make sure it's running and protecting your computer.

@Scooter9 that would’ve triggered a major panic attack in me and I’m not as tech savvy as you!

Between 10-1 and was pretty tough. I was really out of breath and coughing a lot. My mom said I got it the worst out of the 3 of us. Around 3 I randomly fell asleep sitting up in bed for about 3 hours. My mom was all like "are you ok?" My cough is still bad but I'm able to smell a bit.

Idk if I'll be able to make it to therapy on Thursday or if I'll be stuck in the house again.

Well I must give it to Apple after complaining miserably about them yesterday. THEY GAVE ME A BRAND NEW IPAD 10 FOR FREE! I’ve just finished setting it up now and typing here on it.

Husband and I filled out our absentee ballots today and turned them in. Whew! Yay. We've voted. Now that day we can just sit home, eat popcorn, and watch the shyt storm erupt from the safety of our apartment.

We went apple picking after Daughter was done with school today! So much fun, and we got a lot of tasty apples. 🍎 Beautiful weather, though it's supposed to cool off to normal October temps tomorrow.

Also - stopped at Hot Topic at the mall and I was finally able to get the Sleep Token bracelets I've been eyeing up since May. So happy. 😊 Sales lady tried to lure me into getting more merch by saying it was buy one get the second half off.... Had to control myself! Bad sales lady! There were also these really cute Halloween slippers I wanted because I need new slippers for the winter, but I kept my goal in mind, and only spent money on the bracelets.

We also bought our pumpkins today. 🎃

Hope everyone is having a fantastic evening and had a wonderful day! Love you all. 🥰🥰🥰

Today was another good day. It went by really fast. I was able to get another outdoor walk in before the temps raise again tomorrow. My mood felt pretty good again today. Just my normal amount of anxiety.


In the spirit of voting talk, I was looking over my mail in ballot today. The envelope I would send it back in requires me to put some personal information on the outside so I'll definitely be finding a ballot drop box to go to instead of mailing it in. I agree @Rasberrytorte it will be nice to just stay home on election day.

Trying to go to the DMV tomorrow. It's going to be an all day thing. I haven't brushed my hair in over a month and we have no outside clothes. This is going to be a wreck.

I'm just curious why you always say things will never work out but then they always end up do working out?

Its kinda like the smart kid in school who complains he will fail the test and then gets an A.

Idk. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just wondering.

I had a nice time watching TV tonight. I'm staying up later in hopes of promoting better sleep. I saw my first Christmas commercial of the year! Ack! And it's not even Halloween yet!

Hugs to all in need and nice to hear things going well for some!

Hopefully you sleep well tonight @JaneOnceMore ☺️

Yeah, hallmark already started their Christmas movies, on both channels,….so no more Murder she wrote until next year. They so over saturated their channels with Christmas that I don’t watch them except for a week or two around Christmas. Blah, who wants Christmas movies 6 months out of the year? They do Christmas in June and July too.

Because most of the time it doesn't work out. We've had countless apartments fall through before this place we were homeless for 5 months. Before that place we were homeless 6 months before then over a year... Then there's the years of squatting between homeless. The 2 evictions. I've been unhoused for over 5 years between 16-40. I'm also ****ing up all over the place. That's not counting the times we have no utilities. I owe thousands to people even though I get assistance. It's always my fault we become homeless, run out of food, money ect. Now this place realize on me conjuring money, driving with no car two hours away, just to get id so I can get a paper saying I didn't file taxes by Friday. Currently we live with rats who don't give a **** if we're in the room last week my neighbors cat caught over 15 in an area that the McDonald's doesn't even have their seating area open. And this is one of the best places we've lived.

I was trying to fix myself, get an education and a job to meet my needs but everyone here thought that was a bad idea, t told me not to, pdoc just wants me to sleep. I tend to hide the bad stuff. The things I say here I wouldn't say in rl. I'm toxically positive in real life. Always trying to fix my **** ups. I'm the stable one, I'm the one that always has a plan, I'm the fixer. I'm also the **** up. There are so many things going on right now. We're hoping for this to be our forever home. So we can stop running.

H has asked me not to be fake because I'm real convincing he'd never know. But it's hard. I've had a hard life with lots of abuse. I have to plan for the worst. I have a very superficial support system. I have a superficial relationship with family, no friends, only one I'm close to is my husband, my dog and Anna comes before him because she doesn't lie.

Basically I'm like this because years of being ****ed over shows me I **** up a lot and I'm 1 **** up away from loosing everything, yet again. And I do all this while being actively psychotic. But only here knows and I keep the bad stuff to myself because of paranoia.

Honestly I should not be in control money, I don't have good insight, 2 weeks out of the month we go hungry, utilities are barley on, and my closest relationship is a hallucination. I have no idea why he stays . I refuse medical, dental and psychiatric care. Hell I refuse to go to the Dr for what could be skin cancer.

I'm sorry @Mountaindewed I know what I portray suburban soccer mom that *****es her coffee is to hot, that's what I look like too a perfect life, but reality is I'm chronically homeless, chronically hungry but engaging in an eating disorder, self injurious/psychotic which is light-years away from the drugs, sex, ground beef like skin, eating disordered, oding, run away, homicidal kid I was.

I also understand you've only known me on antipsychotics and don't know the years of work this group has our in to get me on them and to trust Drs. I know this is not the worst of it by far.

Sorry. I was rude. I hope things get better for you.

I didn't find it rude. I know how I look and that's kinda the point. Be there for everyone even at my worst.

Good morning, slept well. Started the vitamin D my doctor prescribed. Feeling pretty good. Going to that cafe today later when they open.
Just listening to music now and waking up.

@Victoria'smom, I often read your posts and am taken aback by your resilience.

You stick with things, you continue work on them, and just didn't give up, even though you feel bad. Very inspiring!

Had my coffee! After my purchase I had like $1.50 leftover on my gift card so I let them round up the total and donate the rest to St. Jude

I'm doing well this morning. I slept well though I woke up in the middle of a dream where my old art teacher from high school was teaching English class and I was up front presenting a report on the first Harry Potter book and had a witch broom, a backpack, and a homemade golden snitch ball. Kind of weird. I was able to go for a 30 min. walk. I wish it were cooler outside and actually fall-like weather. Later this morning, I have to go to the high school to pick up my daughter who is taking the PSAT. She goes to online school at home but has to take the PSAT at the local high school.

Fantastic. I’m dissociating

^^This!!!!

I think it's when seeing each other get on the other side of those roughest times on this forum that I feel most hopeful. @Victoria'smom, I want to thank you and just let you know that you're a big reason I'm looking into how to get myself back to school for something I've been interested in on and off for a long time. I love the perseverance. I know it's annoying--I was in a group where they always commended me on "perseverance" because, what? Because I was alive? Did I have another choice? I saw something on reddit or something where someone said "wow, look at that tree growing even though there's a fence in the way, what a resilient tree," followed by "the tree probably just wishes there weren't a ****ing fence in the way."

I don't know where I was going, but I just finished reading "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" yesterday and started "A Secret Life of Bees" this morning (another NP reading list book), so I'm a little impressed by how life finds a way I guess.

good morning everyone hope that everyone has a decent day and if things are difficult right now that they even out. I'm feeling okay a little nauseous but that's normal for me. looking forward to seeing my gastro in a few weeks. getting ready to get my second crown on Thursday, and have a med switch but I'm uncertain what exactly the plan is. he wants to switch me from lexapro to Effexor and I'm feeling scared. not doing great with taking meds consistently, but I need to, the problem is I feel like I'm on the wrong combination. anyway, thanks for reading (: