Bipolar Check-in #83

I’m new to this whole getting your skin checked out thing. Never done it before. Hoping they’re not going to find anything they need to biopsy. I’ll let you know how I go.

I've had several moles removed in the past and never needed stitches. This was the first time I ever needed stitches after the initial biopsy, same doctor the past 4 or 5 times. I think if the moles come back mildly abnormal, most doctors don't require a 2nd biopsy. If the mole is severely abnormal, a 2nd biopsy is needed if the margins are not clear to be sure all of the mole is removed. If the mole is moderately abnormal, I think the call is up to the doctor whether to remove it to get clean margins if the margin isn't clear. My biopsy was moderately abnormal.

IDK, every time in the past when I've had a mole removed, the doctor removed it all, but this mole I have is particularly large, and she shaved off some for the initial biopsy and I can still see the edges of the mole around the stitches.

Well I got the all clear. Didn’t have to remove anything, fortunately. He will keep an eye on a mole on my back and one on my foot. Don’t have to go back for another year. Phew.

Tried watching YouTube to relax but somehow couldn’t skip the political ads! That made me anxious. Hoping the gabapentin will help with that.

@Moose72 I wonder if YouTube is pulling back on the number of adds you can skip/which ones. I use YouTube videos a lot at work and I can't skip over adds like I used to. It's so frustrating, especially because I never know what kind of add is going to start up while I'm showing a video to my students. I hope the gabapentin helped with your anxiety!


Today has been a good day, but it sure did go by fast. I got about 12 hours of sleep so that had me feeling pretty good. Today, I've gone to Mass, gone grocery shopping, and got some school work done. I was also able to go for a walk outside which was a treat because the weather has been over 100 degrees here up until very recently. It's supposed to climb up towards 100 again this week though...

mu husband is eating tortilla chips louder than any person ive ever heard and im trying to do homewokr. theres no where for me to go. im about to confiscate all the chips. OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Totally wiped from the weekend. Went to two churches today - and Saturday was just crazy with the Fall Festival and meeting all my friends. Wrote a blog post today about what I was the proudest of in my life and I have to say it is my sobriety - without that my mental health would be so much worse.

I hope everyone had a great weekend though! My period is about to make an appearance too @raspberrytorte and its never good when it comes. I started panicking today too because I thought I lost my necklace with my cross but when it fell off my neck, it fell into my bra, lol. I was going crazy in the house till I finally was getting ready for a shower and found it. Phew! So lucky!

The Apple Store just fixed my iPad. I’m so stoked. The on off button was stuck in so it wasn’t charging. They fixed it and now it is charging perfectly fine. I’m so happy. I have to let it charge for a while now because it was completely dead but once she powers up I’m going to be listening to music with headphones 🎧.
I should start a gratitude journal. Seriously.

Everyplate charged me even after I cancelled. Not just that because it was PayPal they took it from a card they weren't authorized to. So now my parents are $100 short and they still have to go to FL to fix their trailer that got hit by Milton. I feel like such a **** up. It'll take 5-10 days to refund.

Damnit. I posted too soon. Get home and my iPad won’t charge. It charged in the store!

[QUOTE=June08;7449095]@Moose72 I wonder if YouTube is pulling back on the number of adds you can skip/which ones. I use YouTube videos a lot at work and I can't skip over adds like I used to. It's so frustrating, especially because I never know what kind of add is going to start up while I'm showing a video to my students. I hope the gabapentin helped with your anxiety![\quote]

It did! Now I can’t watch YouTube till the election is over.

Yesterday was a big day. I think we found our dream house and ti looks like we may get it. Nobody else has put in an offer so it's just us bidding. The offer goes in today and I don't know how long they get to counter. It is so nice that living in the basement will be 25% larger than this house where I've lived for 10 years and it will also be the nicest place I've ever lived--wood working instead of plastic, wood doors, etc. Plus it has big closets. Huge compared to here. This makes leaving here easier. But there's still the process. We have to get the house and then we have to get through inspection. But I am really hopeful for this one.

We got home and I got a fraud alert from my bank. I wasn't sure it was real until I got home and i had a detailed email about it waiting for me. Someone used my card in Flnt MI to buy $100 of gas or stuff at a gas station. And I definitely wasn't in Flint today. In fact the last time I was in Michigan was New Years day 2001 when we left with q UHaul of my stuff to move to my home state. That was a really bad winter and it was really icy with the UHaul.
So now I have to go get a new card in the morning. .Which is too bad since I had this card # memorized and I'll have to start again.

I came home and fell asleep earlier than usual so now I've been up for quite a while. Maybe I can get back to sleep now.

I’m going to the credit union to deposit my bipolar study check.

Do you think maybe it’s the cord your using that’s not working?

Thinking of stopping the trazidone, seeing if that helps. Can't be like this. I texted my mom how much of a **** up I am at 2 am and how I'm sorry for my existence. That I don't mean it and I'm sorry I took what little they had because of my stupidness.

I deposited my bipolar study check and made a big payment on my credit card at the credit union this morning. Now I have enough for gas in my checking account which should last until the first. After the first I can pay off the rest of the credit card balance which is more like a normal payment. Stupid mania! Most of that came from September not October so I guess I was getting hypomanic back then.

I'm glad you figured it out. I'm having someone come in to help with money. There's no way I should be broke the first week of the month.

That’s what happens to me sometimes. All my bills go through the first week then I have only a small amount left.

I'm still sick. Yesterday I fell asleep around 7 and then at 8 I woke up with a massive coughing fit. I got back to sleep but throughout the night I was dealing with chills and these weird fever dreams. I woke up at 6:47 and I'm still coughing and I feel tired but I do think the worst days were Saturday and Sunday. I did message my primary to let him know. Then I set up a pdoc follow up apppointment for November. I have to call my GI and say the Elvail is going well enough. Its not perfect for my GI symptoms buts its been amazing for my mental health.

Overall I still just need to take it easy today and mostly stay in bed. I do think I'm improving.

Picked up my meds at the pharmacy today and the vitamin D I was prescribed. Feeling okay, have a headache though. Just took some ibuprofen and am waiting for it to go away.

I slept really good. 10 1/2 hours. Definitely needed it as I only slept 2 hours the previous night.

Just listening to music right now. Tomorrow I’m going to the Italian cafe/bakery to get that caramel macchiato. Looking forward to it.

My anger is a funny thing. I got really mad yesterday about a dinner party a neighbor had that i was not invited to. It ruined the day from mid-afternoon on. Then i woke up this morning and my anger had all disappeared. I don't WANT to go to a dinner party, i realized.

I tidied up my place yesterday. I did the garbage and recycling -- even items that have been hanging around the fridge and freezer too long. There was a lot to go out. Glad i got that done and my place is all fresh and empty again.

Today i have a stomach ache and didn't sleep well, so my plans are less ambitious. I have my support group's ZOOM social hour at 4:00pm and a local TV news broadcast at 6:00pm. Neither are reliable activities, in terms of if i can tolerate them or not, but i'll just do my best.

I listened to Jelly Roll's "I Am Not Okay" several times. Such a comforting message!

Unfortunately not they tested my charger at the store and were actually using my charger to charge my iPad after they “fixed” it …..

Anxiety high. Shaking hands. Not sure if it’s the lithium or the anxiety. Back to the Apple Store today. Round 2. Have to find a place to put petrol in my car. Ughhhhh. It just all feels too much ….. chewing away on the nicotine gum. Feeling so tired. Woke up 4:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Will come home from the Apple Store and hopefully sleep but I won’t be back until this afternoon. It’s over an hour away.

And we are definitely NOT moving. My mom realized this morning that she does not want to move. doesn't want the changes that would happen if we moved into the perfect for what we thought we wanted house and just generally wants to stay here. So the roller coaster is over. She knows that she is giving up on the best house we'll ever find for what we've been considering and still wants to stay so it is permanent. We'll take any next steps as they come.


I'm glad to not move. I never wanted to. I do feel shell-shocked. But that's ok. I'll recover. The only thing that I don't like is that I won't be living there already when my mom isn't here and I'll have to move there to be near my sister when my own world has blown up. But that time will suck no matter what so I'm not sure it mattes.

I also have a new, no theft reported debit card. I have to reset some things with the new one. That will wait. Today I'm trying to rest a bit and tomorrow I have to go to therapy, get blood drawn for a Clozaril level and go to Kohls for some things.

I want to take a nap but I need to peek in on the dog who isn't feeling great today and had an accident yesterday (he's old) and I'm not supposed to be napping per my pdoc. So I just will hang on and try to not fall asleep so early my body thinks it is time to wake up at 4 AM.

@BeyondtheRainbow
What a roller coaster--moving/not moving/moving, etc. That would do me in. I'm glad the back-and-forth is over for you.