Bipolar Check-in #83

Wow nammu that IS a smart car! I wonder what triggered it to ask you?

Probably driving in the foggy rain, and my speed going up and down as I would keep slowing down in a 55 zone. Those curves weren’t 55 miles and hour curves even in good conditions

Ugh. Things arent going well. I'm freaked out and my stomach hurts like a *****.

Better get your resumes dusted off. Things are gonna be majorly cut.

When do things just stop working out like they always have?

Things have always ended up ok. Now I'm not sure.

So my finance was approved for the counselling course so money isn’t the issue. The issue is do I study with a 5 year old boy who is so needy with me?

I way, way overdid it today.My pdoc and I agreed that I would try to use my light box for a week and increased my gabapentin 100 mg to help me sleep until this election thing ends. Then we'll discuss changes to Seroquel if needed. I really don't want to increase it and I don't think she does either. I'm on enough meds already. So last night I did sleep better but was still up for an hour and a half.


Today has been terribly anxiety-producing, just like so many of you. I talked to my therapist about it, which was difficult as if we were honest we'd have voted for different candidates. I don't know if he voted for the orange guy or not but we are unlikely to agree on politics. But we handled the discussion well and respectfully which is good. And it helped some.

But I had to go to 3 stores and handle the noise and make decisions and deal with the overstimulation and it was too much. I didn't get home until 6 and I was exhausted by then. I also had to drive in the dark for the end of it and after I hit a deer last year I am very anxious about that. When I was coming down the hill we live on a deer was standing in the road and while I had plenty of time to stop it was still scary. It was a year ago yesterday that I had the accident last year and I've developed a somewhat excessive fear of driving after dark since then.


At this point I'm just waiting until I can take meds and go to sleep. Which is realistically a while off. I'll get my shower soon but I won't be asleep until 11 at the earliest. At least I don't have to go into any stores for a while. I'm trying to ignore the news tonight. When I peeked my anxiety went way up.

Sorry so many of you are suffering election anxiety.

My depression was more intense today. I couldn't play Scrabble, or read, or watch TV. I just ate junk and laid around. I'm managing to listen to mood music and burn candles now. Grateful that i have the freedom to do as i please tho and endure my depression with a minimum of suffering.

I also have anxiety about today’s election. I saw my therapist and I talked about it of course and I asked him how many hours he spent this week talking about the election he said many many many. I said I’m sorry to add to stress and he said that’s my job. It’s a really big burden on a lot of people right now.

Today hasn't been to bad. My roommate is sick so I'm really hoping I don't get sick. The funniest part of the day is when my students were randomly barking in the hallway while waiting to be let in to the classroom. My mood was pretty good today-just a little down when I came home and had nothing to do. But, going to a near by park for a walk before coming home helped my mood. It was the perfect weather for a walk.

My roommate has the election news on. I personally wouldn't have it on, but I can easily find ways to ignore it.

In case a fun, nonpolitical voting story would help distract from election anxieties for a moment, I have one: at my school today, to teach students about voting without bringing politics in it, students got to go to the polls and vote for spirit week themes for later in the year. They even got an "I Voted" sticker. The kids seemed to really enjoy it.

I seriously don’t know whether or not to study and it’s stressing me out! The student advisor is ringing me at 10:00am tomorrow and I have to give him an answer.

Well... looks like we lost this one.

Oh no @raspberrytorte ……. Hugs

It’s 4 am and I haven’t slept because of the election results. At one point a political ad said he was going to get rid of social security. We’re all ****ed if that includes SSI and SSDI.

Didn't sleep well last night. Gunfire all damn night 2-3 minutes straight every 20 minutes or so. And a clay miniature of Jesus Christ melted out of a picture frame on the wall that was never there and spider webs danced across the ceiling amongst other weird shyt.

Four more years? More like I'm gonna need four more beers....if SSI/SSDI get cut, I'm just gonna get myself a nice long prison sentence. Or maybe in the process of my crime spree I'll accidentally become president.

If Trump gets rid of SSDI we will be fcked. I will have no choice but to get a job again and just deal with it. I don't know how else we'd come up with the amount I make in SSDI a month, unless my husband starts working an insane amount of hours.

I am so panicked this morning about the outcome of the election, and I don't even get SSI or SSDI as H's salary is too high and I've never worked long enough to qualify for aid (and it's not like we're even well off but we make do). Now EPA regulations are going to go down the drain, if the EPA doesn't cease to exist altogether. I live in an industrial area, less than 5 miles from a massive area of chemical plants. We already have shelter-in-place (with windows closed, AC off, just miserable in this climate no matter the season of the year) whenever the plants have an accident and tons of bad air quality days; I just foresee it getting worse.

OK, try not to panic, blueberry, it's not going to do you any good. Accept the things you cannot change, right? How on earth does one do THAT?!

Edited: OMG, I want to take some Seroquel so bad, I am panicking so much, but I have an appointment with the dermatologist this AM, and I have to get more removal and another biopsy on an abnormal mole. Kind of anxious about it; H had to have this done once, and he got really hacked up, ended up with a scar on his back. My mole is on my waist line, right where my shorts waistline sits. I am wearing a dress to this appointment because of that.

But the panic is more about the election than the dermatologist appointment.

I fell asleep for a couple hours with the heating pad on. I woke up feeling fine physically. Yesterday was super tough, I didn't realize 2 hours of heat would take care of the pain.

Idk. The only thing I can do is try to better my own situation. At least right now. I know I can improve a lot of things in
my life on my own. Like drinking less soda and working out and shyt that will help out my physical health which is my main issue.

I'm not hearing any news about violence or anything which is good I guess.

I’m really upset about the election results.

I guess the main thing I can do is focus on what I can control in my own life right now.