Bipolar Check-in #83

Wow nammu that IS a smart car! I wonder what triggered it to ask you?

Probably driving in the foggy rain, and my speed going up and down as I would keep slowing down in a 55 zone. Those curves weren’t 55 miles and hour curves even in good conditions

Ugh. Things arent going well. I'm freaked out and my stomach hurts like a *****.

Better get your resumes dusted off. Things are gonna be majorly cut.

When do things just stop working out like they always have?

Things have always ended up ok. Now I'm not sure.

So my finance was approved for the counselling course so money isn’t the issue. The issue is do I study with a 5 year old boy who is so needy with me?

I way, way overdid it today.My pdoc and I agreed that I would try to use my light box for a week and increased my gabapentin 100 mg to help me sleep until this election thing ends. Then we'll discuss changes to Seroquel if needed. I really don't want to increase it and I don't think she does either. I'm on enough meds already. So last night I did sleep better but was still up for an hour and a half.


Today has been terribly anxiety-producing, just like so many of you. I talked to my therapist about it, which was difficult as if we were honest we'd have voted for different candidates. I don't know if he voted for the orange guy or not but we are unlikely to agree on politics. But we handled the discussion well and respectfully which is good. And it helped some.

But I had to go to 3 stores and handle the noise and make decisions and deal with the overstimulation and it was too much. I didn't get home until 6 and I was exhausted by then. I also had to drive in the dark for the end of it and after I hit a deer last year I am very anxious about that. When I was coming down the hill we live on a deer was standing in the road and while I had plenty of time to stop it was still scary. It was a year ago yesterday that I had the accident last year and I've developed a somewhat excessive fear of driving after dark since then.


At this point I'm just waiting until I can take meds and go to sleep. Which is realistically a while off. I'll get my shower soon but I won't be asleep until 11 at the earliest. At least I don't have to go into any stores for a while. I'm trying to ignore the news tonight. When I peeked my anxiety went way up.

Sorry so many of you are suffering election anxiety.

My depression was more intense today. I couldn't play Scrabble, or read, or watch TV. I just ate junk and laid around. I'm managing to listen to mood music and burn candles now. Grateful that i have the freedom to do as i please tho and endure my depression with a minimum of suffering.

I also have anxiety about today’s election. I saw my therapist and I talked about it of course and I asked him how many hours he spent this week talking about the election he said many many many. I said I’m sorry to add to stress and he said that’s my job. It’s a really big burden on a lot of people right now.