Bipolar Check-in #84

It’s 6:12 and I’ve been up for 15 minutes. The gabapentin really is working at 300! But my lower back is back to hurting again and my period on day 4 just got heavier again. I read that your periods can get heavier and longer in perimenopause. I assume it will be over by Monday which is when my ultrasound is. I’m glad I never took that Keflex antibiotic that urgent care prescribed!!! I looked up the side effects and if they’re not plain crazy they’re scary! And my regular OBGYN said I don’t even have a UTI! Just blood in my urine because I’m on my period. The OBGYN is supposed to call me today. As of right now, my lower back hurts again and I’m having period cramping. My period should be slowing down not ramping up again!

I don't know when, exactly, I fell asleep, but last I checked the time it was 1:30AM. I woke up at 4:50AM, but it's fine. I feel fantastic. 😌 Besides being freezing cold that is. I don't know WHAT the temp is in our apartment right now. -40F? Lol.

I found black and white striped tights online! Yay! Except I don't know what size to get. Boohoo. I'm too fat for one size fits all, but not fat enough for plus size.

Is a 1X to 2X plus size XXL to XXXL in regular size? Because that's way too big! Ugh. I'm having a size dilemma here!

We're seeing Explosions in the Sky in Madison in April and having our yearly romantic getaway 😍, and I'm already planning my outfit. Haha.

That’s sounds cool I’ll have to look into to it and see if there’s anything like that here

Good morning. Had crazy bizarre vivid dreams. Might be because I : trigger for substance use . Only slept 5 hours 55 minutes. That’s the thing. It’s kind of hard to sleep properly after using that so close to bed so I might switch it to mornings or earlier in the evening instead of directly before bed so it wears off before I go to sleep. I’ve always had trouble sleeping when I vape directly before bed though so that’s nothing new. It did relax me though. It helped me fall asleep but messed with the time and quality of my sleep. So yeah that’s gonna be an earlier in the day thing from now on.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today. I know he won’t be exactly thrilled that I’m vaping again but he said everyone has to decide for themselves how it affects them and if it’s worth it. I used to over do it and that got me in a bad space mentally in the past spring but I’m a lot better now with moderation and judgement on when is a good time to use it and when is a bad time, setting and mindset beforehand is a big thing to consider.

Thank you

Just got diagnosed bipolar2 a few weeks ago. This is after a diagnosis of ADHD from last October, and my father passing away this past March. He also was bipolar but didn't know until well after i was an adult. These diagnoses and a tumultuous year all around has left me pretty broken. I'm treating myself very badly as of late...falling into old habits and addictions. Living an unmotivated life at a time where I need to be fully engaged in so many different things.

Just a lot to handle on my own.

Welcome EmAbee.

Welcome @EmAbee! Make yourself at home, we're all family here

Welcome EmAbee

After staying up late for hallucinating and a headache I gave in and took the full dose of trazodone and some tylenol PM and I feel better this morning other than throwing up in the parking lot (I know which car is my pdocs so I went it behind hers for shits n giggles). Tired as shyt and I got my meds late, but I didn't seriously consider shanking anyone. My stomach is keeeeeeeling me though. My neighbor helped me fix my gas flap kinda. I filled up this morning and just screwed the cap and didn't shut the flap all the way. I usually fill up half way because preparation but I got down to a quarter tank and omg it was over $40.

I want to try treating my hep again more so so I don't feel like a monster if someone doesn't use a condom (I always tell my partners). I probably missed some pills when I was on zepatier so I'm thinking going back to my PCP and maybe asking for a liver specialist referral. Should make depakote more tolerable too.

I think I'm gonna return my library book today. I've had it over a week and I'm only like 50 pages into it. No way am I ever going to have enough concentration to finish it before it's due.

Sitting outside in the sun. It’s cold (42 degrees) but it feels good. Have to walk over to the clinic for my psychiatrist appointment in about 2 hours from now. Just trying to pass the time until then.