Bipolar Check-in #84

It’s 6:12 and I’ve been up for 15 minutes. The gabapentin really is working at 300! But my lower back is back to hurting again and my period on day 4 just got heavier again. I read that your periods can get heavier and longer in perimenopause. I assume it will be over by Monday which is when my ultrasound is. I’m glad I never took that Keflex antibiotic that urgent care prescribed!!! I looked up the side effects and if they’re not plain crazy they’re scary! And my regular OBGYN said I don’t even have a UTI! Just blood in my urine because I’m on my period. The OBGYN is supposed to call me today. As of right now, my lower back hurts again and I’m having period cramping. My period should be slowing down not ramping up again!

I don't know when, exactly, I fell asleep, but last I checked the time it was 1:30AM. I woke up at 4:50AM, but it's fine. I feel fantastic. 😌 Besides being freezing cold that is. I don't know WHAT the temp is in our apartment right now. -40F? Lol.

I found black and white striped tights online! Yay! Except I don't know what size to get. Boohoo. I'm too fat for one size fits all, but not fat enough for plus size.

Is a 1X to 2X plus size XXL to XXXL in regular size? Because that's way too big! Ugh. I'm having a size dilemma here!

We're seeing Explosions in the Sky in Madison in April and having our yearly romantic getaway 😍, and I'm already planning my outfit. Haha.

That’s sounds cool I’ll have to look into to it and see if there’s anything like that here

Good morning. Had crazy bizarre vivid dreams. Might be because I : trigger for substance use . Only slept 5 hours 55 minutes. That’s the thing. It’s kind of hard to sleep properly after using that so close to bed so I might switch it to mornings or earlier in the evening instead of directly before bed so it wears off before I go to sleep. I’ve always had trouble sleeping when I vape directly before bed though so that’s nothing new. It did relax me though. It helped me fall asleep but messed with the time and quality of my sleep. So yeah that’s gonna be an earlier in the day thing from now on.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today. I know he won’t be exactly thrilled that I’m vaping again but he said everyone has to decide for themselves how it affects them and if it’s worth it. I used to over do it and that got me in a bad space mentally in the past spring but I’m a lot better now with moderation and judgement on when is a good time to use it and when is a bad time, setting and mindset beforehand is a big thing to consider.

Thank you

Just got diagnosed bipolar2 a few weeks ago. This is after a diagnosis of ADHD from last October, and my father passing away this past March. He also was bipolar but didn't know until well after i was an adult. These diagnoses and a tumultuous year all around has left me pretty broken. I'm treating myself very badly as of late...falling into old habits and addictions. Living an unmotivated life at a time where I need to be fully engaged in so many different things.

Just a lot to handle on my own.

Welcome EmAbee.

Welcome @EmAbee! Make yourself at home, we're all family here

Welcome EmAbee

After staying up late for hallucinating and a headache I gave in and took the full dose of trazodone and some tylenol PM and I feel better this morning other than throwing up in the parking lot (I know which car is my pdocs so I went it behind hers for shits n giggles). Tired as shyt and I got my meds late, but I didn't seriously consider shanking anyone. My stomach is keeeeeeeling me though. My neighbor helped me fix my gas flap kinda. I filled up this morning and just screwed the cap and didn't shut the flap all the way. I usually fill up half way because preparation but I got down to a quarter tank and omg it was over $40.

I want to try treating my hep again more so so I don't feel like a monster if someone doesn't use a condom (I always tell my partners). I probably missed some pills when I was on zepatier so I'm thinking going back to my PCP and maybe asking for a liver specialist referral. Should make depakote more tolerable too.

I think I'm gonna return my library book today. I've had it over a week and I'm only like 50 pages into it. No way am I ever going to have enough concentration to finish it before it's due.

Sitting outside in the sun. It’s cold (42 degrees) but it feels good. Have to walk over to the clinic for my psychiatrist appointment in about 2 hours from now. Just trying to pass the time until then.

I ordered some beef jerky. I think I did the right thing and I messaged my pdoc about the new med I'm starting. Part of me just wants to take it but the other part thinks I should let him know about it. My other GI med was high risk with my Geodon and he let me be on that. Plus I'm kinda running out of options besides going off the Geodon.

Doing okay. Best wishes to everyone

Welcome @EmAbee!

@Blue_Bird - I am always amazed at how much you manage to do each day, and you are absolutely right, staying out of the hospital for so long is an AWESOME achievement! You SHOULD be proud of yourself!

@raspberrytorte - Are you on trazodone too? I take 300 mg Seroquel at night, and I find the Seroquel helps me fall asleep and the trazodone to stay asleep though if I take too much trazodone, I feel hungover the next day, and it will last until 3, 4 PM, which just SUCKS. I have always had immense sleep problems since I was a girl, and I finally found the combo that works for me - 300 mg Seroquel, 50 mg trazodone (used to be 100 mg but that made me feel hungover), 25 mg hydroxyzine, and 20 mg melatonin. Do you read or do anything to calm down like listen to calming music, like Enya (a cliche I know but it has helped me when reading was a chore). I also found I do better when reading a physical book as opposed to an ebook. I turn off the bedroom lights and use a booklight to read. For me, I take all my nightly meds (lamotrigine & busipirone & propranolol along with iron are in there too), read around 1 hr and usually am able to fall asleep pretty quickly. Oh, and when I was pregnant and off psych meds, combining melatonin and valerian helped me sleep. Valerian stinks to high heaven though but maybe it could help?

I went for a walk this morning and had an early pdoc appt. I asked the pdoc for clonazepam, but he didn't want to prescribe it. Ugh! He did increase the buspirone to 10 mg twice a day, up from 7.5 mg and told me I could take 1/2 to 1/4 a tab of trazodone for panic attacks, but I'm not too sure about that, trazodone tends to make me sleepy or if not asleep, still gives me a feeling tired, hangover effect. I already had to cut my nightly trazodone from 100 mg to 50 mg because of the hangover effect in the morning. But, if I don't take it, I wake in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. I think I'll just stick with using 25 mg Seroquel for panic attacks since taking an extra hydroxyzine doesn't help either.

Well my psychiatrist went into a 15 min lecture on weed and how it’s dangerous especially for people like me and how he doesn’t want me to end up inpatient especially over the holidays and then wouldn’t sign my payee paperwork to become my own payee today he said to bring them back next month and if I’ve stopped smoking weed by then he’ll sign them.

My liver doctor’s nurse called. Wanted to know of any new meds as my liver test from Saturday came back high. She asked me if I felt different. She’s going to talk with my liver dr and call me back. Who knows WHAT they gave me in the hospital beside ct contrast and propofol! Gabapentin was just increased and the flexeril was after the blood draw. Now I’m worried! My liver enzymes must be really high or something! They’re usually moderately high but my liver dr is worried!