Prophet?

My sister told me this morning that she thinks I’m a prophet. We talked for 2 1/2 hours this morning. Unusual.

Neither of us slept very well. Had a free Starbucks drink for my birthday. She thinks I don't have a mental illness but a gift of prophesy. I sometimes know what someone is going to tell me before they tell me. And I knew my aunt was pregnant before she or her husband did. I also saw those three huge angels at church several years ago now outside behind the wrought iron gate to the garden that the choir was singing a call-and-response to while the priest was spreading incense around on the hole he’d just dug. The angels were very large standing behind the gate. They were neither male nor female- genderless. I was sort of afraid but everybody else kept singing but I had stopped. I told one of the tenors about my experience after on the steps up to the choir loft and he was predictably incredulous and doubtful. He didn’t know what to think! Also, I have voices even while on antipsychotics. I have been told by a therapist and now my sister to talk back! She said she’s had similar experiences over the years. Not long after our dad died, she saw him standing a short distance away but he was young again. After she told me this, I thought he might appear to me, too, but nope. I must admit I was kind of disappointed.

There are many more stories I could tell. It’s noon and I haven’t eaten since 4 a.m. Maybe I should just go home. For my birthday, I asked for $ toward a helix piercing- a single price of jewelry in the flat part of the cartilage of the upper ear. I have an industrial in my left ear which I got almost exactly a year ago so it’s well-healed. The helix is going in my right ear. I need my doctor to fill out a form for the piercing studio stating that I’m on blood thinners and it’s ok to get pierced. Good thing I’m seeing her Monday as my appointment is Tuesday.

Ok. One more story. In 1996 I was working in the underwriting department of a mortgage company. I was a temp and all I did was make sure the mortgage rates were right. The room was filled with cubicles surrounded by windows and a walk way between the cubicles and windows. One day, I was on my 15-minute break and tired so I put my head down on the desk. I fell asleep! Next thing I know, I feel someone tap me on my shoulder. I looked up and nobody was there! The “hallway” was empty all the way down in both directions! It had been exactly 15 minutes!

Case manager finally called!!! She is going to get ahold of my pnurse and see if I need a sooner appointment and run everything by her.

Why on my birthday??? At least I am getting my piercing!

She upped my Vraylar to 3 mg! I’m going to be pissed if I get side effects from it! I’m so afraid the same thing will happen as when I took Invega last June!id rather be psychotic!!!

So everyone I talk to just shuts down! Even other bipolar people don’t know what to say to me!

Here I am again…. 3 hours of sleep! At least my cat is next to me. She is giving herself a bath.

Someone from my pdoc’s office called to check up on me. Said to call if the voices get bad.

At least they called to check on you. Sorry about your lack of sleep.

As for prophecy, I think a lot of us have intuition and read that as prophecy and see things we may interpret as something we wish to see. I don't believe in prophecy. How many of us think we are talking to God or Jesus during pychosis? I know I do and I have the sense then that it is real, but I don't think it really is. Though the fact that so many people who are psychotic believe they hear God or Jesus talking to them is real but it could just be the effect of knowing so many others have had that experience that we expect it ourselves.

I don't know. I have a masters in science and believe in logic though I know there are mysteries of the universe and life we have not solved.

I respect that. One of my best friends- the therapist- is very logical and used to be a scientist with a PhD. He never criticizes the fact that I’m in a church choir and go to church every Sunday. I know I saw angels at church that one time because AFTER the fact, a friend of mine said I described them exactly as the Bible does- without having read the Bible or hearing someone else’s description of them. Being in the church choir makes me happy! I get to sing with friends and it gives me a feeling of being safe. To do something with one purpose together- and that is to emulate the scriptures read during the service giving them more meaning. I have never read the Bible. I only know what I’ve been told by others and what is read during the services - and of course as a choir we are enhancing the scriptures in a powerful way. That’s our job! It’s not a concert. Not to mention my son and ex husband are in the choir and there is a special bond between us when we sing together.

Just my two cents. Singing makes me happy deep into the core of who I am. I am meant to sing! And I consider it a miracle that my voice came back after 8 years of not being able to sing. I can’t tell you how heartbroken I was when I couldn’t sing!

I am home in bed, exhausted and can’t sleep! It’s 6 pm. I’ve slept 1-2 hours most nights for the last week. I’ll never make it to church at this rate.

I called the after hours number for my pdoc’s office just now. The guy was very nice. He’s having a nurse call me back. He said “it sounds like you’re having a hard time right now”. At least he understood this!

sorry youre stuggling so much!

Nurse said she’ll get pnurse practitioner to call me Monday and get me a sooner appointment. Meanwhile I took the 3 mg Vraylar tonight.

could you take the 2 mg of klonipin at night to help you sleep?
just a suggestion....

I was hoping to go to sleep at 6 pm as I’d only had 2 hours a night all week. The klonopin is supposed to be 1 mg night and one mg morning. I took the full 3 mg of Vraylar at bedtime about 10 and now Ive slept … 7 hours?? It’s about 5 am now. Woke up with a headache so took Advil. Long day today- lots of extra rehearsals and services at church and then we’re having a birthday party for me and my mom with my 3 kids!

Have fun today.

Prophets deliver messages from "Elsewhere." Maybe you're in touch with this other place, but you haven't mentioned receiving messages, let alone sharing them.

I used to think my autistic daughter was gifted in some way. When she was really young, she saw an old white-haired neighbor walking along our road picking up garbage along the curb. "That's God," she said. At other times she seemed to know what I was thinking.

The seed from which this belief sprouted began with the idea that autism is a protective mechanism that blocks out the overwhelming sensations that the world bombards sensitive children with. (If that's not the world's most awkward sentence, I don't know what is.)

I am waiting for N3 to finish rehearsing with the Men with the Tenebre choir that we’re both in. It’s a smaller group separate from the big regular choir! I am physically exhausted but spiritually fulfilled! We sing Anglican chant and medieval polyphony. The anthem with the main choir today was very powerful! I enjoyed singing it. Glad I made myself come to church despite the exhaustion.

Pnurse practitioner is supposed to contact me tomorrow- I hope.

I came home and “crashed” - slept so hard for 3 hours that I didn’t hear my phone or the door buzzer. Somehow the phone ringing finally woke me up. I was an hour late to our family get together. Now I’m wide awake again even with Vraylar 3 mg increased dose and Klonopin 1 mg.

hang in there!!!

I forgot to mention before that it seems to me the dose of KPin that you're on is quite high.

@SquarePegGuy

It’s for akathisia

I still stand behind this post 100%. I slept enough last night from 12 to 6:00. Klonopin made me sleepy this morning but it calmed down when I got to the piercing studio. The kpin is for akathisia.

Our apartment complex is putting in new gates at the front so we have to use another exit to get out while they’re working on it. The entrance will be open. I have choir and my Pdoc appointment the two days they’re doing this!