[MuddyBoots]

I did not sleep a single wink last night. After a certain point I was like "f-it, we're cleaning." First I got tape to see what the specks on my bed I was seeing were. It was mostly crap I picked up from the cats and stuff coming off my clothes and blankets and human skin sheddings. Finishing up my second load of laundry (all my laundry, including the bedding and hoodies and a bra I've worn like once so far). I put DE down around my bed, on the frame, on the mattress protector super early this morning and just vacuumed the mattress protector for like half an hour so I can put my sheets that have been washed in hot water and in the high temp dryer for an hour on when they're done, and left the rest of the DE on the frame and on the floor for just a bit. Then I got to cleaning the rest of the floor. Like, Swiffered it, then got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the entire thing until I was about to go mad because I kept seeing specks and had to come and ask you guys for advice. I tried seeing if I brought my peppermint and lavender oils, but I didn't.


Obviously I'm going to see specks, I'm sleep deprived, malnourished, was just hanging out with cats yesterday, and walk at least a mile every weekday just to get my meds and do more walking on the weekends through woods and shyt to get food, hygiene products, living stuff, ya know? That brings in fking dirt and mud and shyt of course I can't ever get every freaking spot. It doesn't help that when they painted this place they were reckless f-ups and got spots that are kinda the color of bed bug eggs and kinda the shape of them too ALL OVER THE FLOOR! It also doesn't help that I barely know how to shave and have razor burn on one leg because it was 80 the other day (but I didn't even need to because turns out ALL my shorts fall off me) and of course keep thinking "are those bites?" (I also am paranoid when people walk behind me EVEN ON MAIN STREET and swear to God all last night my neighbors were in the hall talking about "the skeleton in apt (my #)" and how they were going to surgically open my stomach and fill it.

But I spent half an hour working on my collage so that's nice! I'm not COMPLETELY FKING OBSESSED THAT I SPENT ALL 10.5 HOURS OF THE DAY SO FAR CLEANING OR SEARCHING OR GOOGLING "HOW TO REALLY GET RID OF BED BUGS" "HOW TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE GONE" "CAN EXTERMINATORS BE TRUSTED?" "HOW TO TELL AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE IF THEY'RE BACK"!! IT'S ONLY BEEN ABOUT 8 HOURS OF CLEANING OR BED BUG OBSESSING OF SORTS SO FAR!

I intended to take the bus and go grocery shopping and get actual food, but instead I just went to the Dollar store near where I get my meds and got soup, non-perishable almond milk, and lotion to make sure I don't get itchy from dry skin and think I have bites.


Welp, got 11 minutes to put the "non-toxic bed bug killer" I got from Walmart on the mattress protector before my stuff in the dryer is done.

How tf do I chill out for an hour? Even when I was working on my collage I was cutting pictures like a fking madman.

[Moose72]

Wow. I’d be super cleaning if I had bed bugs too! I can only sort of sympathize with you about your shorts falling off- 20 years ago I had 12% body fat from doing judo for 3 hours 3x a week. Unfortunately I’ve gained weight since I am on blood thinners for life because of having blood clots in my lungs twice. That plus Depakote and zyprexa. That means no contact sports anymore.

[Blueberrybook]

muddy, seems like you're manic, possibly mixed. Do you see your pdoc soon? My suggestion is to print out your recent posts (from the last day, say) and just give them to the doctor. If you don't have a printer, go to the library and print it out.

You are NOT safe. I cannot stress this enough. I am afraid for you. You need help and you need it NOW. Pdoc doesn't help, call 911. You are in crisis right now.

[MuddyBoots]

I’m on my way over there right now, and running late at that, so I don’t have time to print them out, but I took screenshots of a few of them.

[HALLIEBETH87]

How’d it go?? You ok!!

[Crazy Hitch]

Hope your pdoc appointment was okay. Let us know how you went.