My addiction

I was thinking the other day, and I realized that I have an addiction. I'm addicted to chaos.

Chaos causes me incredible amounts of stress and frustration, yet I can't seem to get enough of it. If I do anything for too long, I quickly become bored and intolerant of it. I grow tired of people as well, and my circle of friends changes yearly. (Especially if I get depressed) I do risky things just because I don't know what the outcome will be.

This addiction of mine drives me crazy because I know that I'm, in essence, torturing myself, yet I can't seem to break it. It's who I am. It makes finding a job I am satisfied with especially difficult.

Currently, I work with mentally ill adults, and I've seen the same problem with people who have extensive childhood trauma. The curious thing is, I had a pretty good childhood. It seems awful to me, but I've realized that the problem was not my environment; it was me.

It makes no sense to me. However, I never had this addiction before I started cycling moods. It's twisted like a person who enjoys depression. (Surprisingly, a lot of people do to an extent - I'm certainly not one of them though!) I'm just wondering if anyone of you share the same addiction.

I can definately relate to that. Especially the part about becoming bored and intolerant of being in the same situation. It caused quite a few problems for a while.
If it's something that is causing some real problems, then asking your doctor about it would be probably be the best solution.
Personally, I couldn't get any help for it medically. But after a while, I found that 'controlled chaos'(if that makes any sense) can be pretty nice in a way. The trick is making sure that you don't let yourself do anything harmful, whether it's financially, medically, or otherwise. So instead of quitting my job when I get bored, I might take off for a weekend to some place I've never been to before, as long as I can afford it. In a way, something like that seems to get it out of my system, and the new experience can be really fun as well.
Now, I'm not suggesting you pack up and fly halfway across the world when you get an urge for something different, but for myself, a short term change of pace or scenery can sometimes be very helpful.

Thanks for the advice. I'm not exactly sure that this is something that could be cured medically. I'm pretty sure this is just a personality thing that I should probably work on.

I should probably see if I can find a good book on it, but I'm not sure it's something that can be changed. If it was precipitated by some traumatic event, then I'd be a bit more optimistic about fixing it. I think it's a natural temperament thing.

(On a side note, it's funny how you can have so much insight into your own behaviors and yet repeat the same mistakes over and over...)