[sifton]

My sister's house is filthy, It never used to be that way -in fact it was spotless. She used to take prozac but now she says that she isn't anymore. She has no money but they have really expensive toys (like new big trucks...Tundra...with no gas in it,,a hybrid car and all the latest computer toys.) Could that be the manic part? Then the house is just....animal feces, mold, no cleaning....EVER. Is that the depressive part. What can I do for her. I have two small children and I live 12 hours away. Also, she has children and a husband who has lost like half his body weight. At 50 he looks like a 90 year old man on his death bed. He doesn't seem to be able, or willing to see a problem. There has been such a dramatic shift in living conditions in the past few years, and she just seems unable to focus...flighty...busy...but not in a productive way. I don't mean to sound judgemental...Lord knows I sleep with my dog and have been notorious for my lack of housekeeping. but her house goes beyond that. Animal feces, mold on everthing, garbage....How can i help?

[lenjan]

I'm so sorry to hear your sister has declined so, and I applaud you for wanting to help. A lot of us here have families who are clueless, mean or both.

Since you live so far away, it might be best to see if you can find help where your sister lives. Maybe check online for social services in her county or city? If the house is that bad, social services WILL do something since kids are in it. I'm a reporter who covers courts and I just did a story on a young couple (I was amazed to find out just how young, as they each looked a solid 10-15 years older) who had their kids taken away till they cleaned up their house. Theirs was much as you describe your sister's.

Do you know how long she has been off the meds? It's more problematic going straight to somebody's doctor, because of privacy laws, etc, so I'm not sure what you can do besides strongly suggest she start up again.

FWIW, I often sleep with a teddy bear and my house is a pit. And yes, that can be the depressive part. Housekeeping is generally the first thing to go for me when I'm heading into the abyss. The wild spending on unnecessary items definitely can be a symptom of mania. Mine tends to be less on expensive stuff (as I have no money, and no credit left, but that's a story for another time) and more just the happily blowing off bills to buy clothes, music, etc type thing.

I'd be happy to help you look for resources if you like. Feel free to PM.

Candy

[sifton]

Thank you so much for your help. It's so good just to be able to talk to someone about this!

I will look into services close to her. My mom and dad will be heading back to help her clean up...(they're in their 70's). Dad plans on "saying what needs to be said". He is very narrow minded when it comes to mental illness and he is REALLY against medication of any kind. I wonder how THAT'S going to work for him. He also plans on telling her to get rid of all her animals...(she has 4 dogs, 3-5 cats, ....and more). Things will get interesting! I just hope he doesn't make her so mad that we can't ....talk I guess.

Anyway, thanks again. I don't know how to PM so...but thank you.

[lenjan]

If your sister is old enough to have a husband and kids, her health care choices aren't any of your dad's business. Believe me, I understand domineering parents, but seriously -- she's an adult and it's up to her to make the decisions she makes, particularly about whether to take psych meds. That might be something you two want to stand united on against him -- she clearly needs help, definitely therapy and probably meds to get over the hump.

Keep us posted as to how it goes.

Candy