Getting help..Help?

Thursday will be my doctor apointment. Its only for a school physical, but Im scared. I have been planning for over a year to talk to my doctor about being bipolar...For a year...
and it is this thursday.

I am already planning to wear shorts and a tank top to cover my SI scars, I don't think they will make me take those off. . .

This Thursday.
I'm 15, going on 16 in april, and have been seriously suspecting bipolar since I was 13.
And it all comes down ...
To this Thursday.

and...I'm not strong enough.
...But its my last chance.

It is the most difficult thing, for me anyways, to ask for help, but my life has continued and improved because of it. With the right treatment I was able to return to college and participate in social activities again. I have relapsed from time to time, but I believe the help was invaluable.

I would strongly urge you to get help because if you think you need it, you probably do. As for talking to your doctor, you can right it down what you need to say in a notebook and read it off the notebook or just hand it over.

I hope it goes well for you.

about telling your doc things you're worried about telling...you could just write the stuff down and either mail it or leave the room while doc reads it? that's what i do. Hope this helps, sorry if not.

Try writing something down. Even just a little post-it that says "I think I might be Bipolar". Bring it with you. If you can't bring yourself to talk about it - just slip that on your chart somehow. Anything you can think of to just get it out there.

Congratulations on taking this step. It is very difficult just to take tha first step into therapy!! Good job. You can do it!!

Write down exactly what you want to say, anything you think the doctor should know. Then if you can't find the courage to say it out loud you can give the doctor your note. Trust me when I say, don't wait another year because the sooner the treatment starts the sooner you will begin to feel well. I understand you're fear and its normal so do whatever you can to make sure you tell the doctor. He wants to help you but he can't if he doesn't know there is anything wrong.

Echo... Echo

We all are saying the same thing, so it's clearly a good idea

Tell us how it goes.

Personally, I don't see myself hading the doctor a note, I will however write down what I want to remember to say. I always forget. I will write down all the reasons, experiences, symptoms I have, ect. . .

Gah.
Does it have to be THIS Thursday?
I haven't really had any symptoms lately, def. not like last month, so I almost want to say "whats the point" but I remember back in December I almost felt like I wouldn't be able to wait a single day longer, and I know that feeling will come back, and if I don't do it now, when I still have a chance, its going to be a lot harder when I don't already have an appt, and I have to explain to my parents why I need to make a doctor's appointment. At least this way, I can talk to my doctor, and hopefully see if they can put off telling my parents until I at least have a diagnosis. Yet, they are a pediatrics office, and will probably need to send me to a psychologist, and
so I'll have to talk to my parents about it then. . .

I don't know.
Goossshhhhhh!

Do it now, while you're still feeling okay! If you wait until you have symptoms...it's so much harder to get help.

My appt was for 2:30, and I don't get out of school until 2:15, and don't get home til almost 3:00, so I called to change it to a later time, and their only free space after 3:00 was a 4:30 ...on May 6th! ! ! !

I changed it because I didn't think I had much of a choice, and after I hung up I felt sooo LOW! almost TWO more months!!!?!?!?!!! So I told my mom that I really wanted to get my blood checked ( I turned vegetarian over a year ago, and I think my iron levels are waaayyyy too low, anyway) and so she agreed to pick me up from school at 2:00 , so i called back and changed it back. . .

I really wanted it to be pushed back. WAY back, and when it was, I regreted it and wanted it set back to thursday sooo badly.
I confuse myself... Today I felt pretty low, nothing unbearable, just a sucky mood, I kept falling asleep in class, but I actually fell asleep around 10:30 when I usually go to sleep at 11 or 12. . .
My puppies needed a shower badly, and my shower is all screwy, so the water only comes out of the shower head, which meant I had to get into a bathing suit and bathe them with the shower head. . . Their reactions (Griping onto me for dear life, and trying to swim in the air) were pretty funny and lifted my mood a bit. .. .

Now I'm rambling.

Hehe.... I can just imagine the puppies in the shower!

Sorry about your appointments. Its so hard getting them isn't it?

Okay. So heres what happened:

The very first thing she did was ask me if there was any questions in particular I had, concerns, ect. I wasn't expecting that, so even though I wanted to ask about both bipolar and the iron thing, I said no, figuring i'd wait a little bit. so she started asking a lot of questions, that I wasn't expecting at all. She asked me about my family relationships, friends at school, (do I have friends, Do I pick on people, do people pick on me?) and a lot of stuff like that. I wasn't expecting anything like that at all. Then she asked me about depression. She asked me if I ever feel depressed, or have any thoughts of ending my life. I told her that I do get depressed sometimes, but not to the point of wanting and willing to take my own life. ( Although I've felt that low, I've never felt brave enough to do anything more then pray that I'll never seen the sun rise again... and doubt I ever will) she asked me when I get depressed, and for what reasons. I told her I get depressed for no reason, and that it just comes and goes, for no reason at all, I'll get depressed for a little while, then I'll be fine and happy, and then I'll feel depressed again. so she asked me if I've ever seen a counselor, or talked about it with anyone. I told her no. She asked me if I thought my mom might know I get depressed sometimes. I told her no. She asked me if I wanted my mom to know, or if I wanted to talk to someone about it (aka- therapist) and I told her no. She told me that if the depression stops me from doing things, or interrupts my life then it may be worth looking into. She asked if it ever kept me up so I couldn't sleep , or kept me from doing my school work b/c I couldn't concentrate, I told her that I sleep too much, and that it does make it really hard to concentrate. She asked me again if I wanted to see a counselor. I said no. She reminded me that anything I tell her is confidential, unless I am going to hurt myself or someone else. She asked me if I want to hurt myself or someone else- I said no. She asked me how I cope with it, and I wanted to say "I don't", I was thinking "I SI." but instead I told her I just go in my room, watch tv, listen to music, ect. and wait it out because it comes and goes, and I don't know why. ((Major hinting to a bigger problem, as far as I'm concerned)) At this point I could feel my facial muscles getting really tight ( Warning sign that I'm about to burst into tears) and she tells me that
she thinks if it is interrupting my life then it is worth looking farther into, and that If I ever change my mind I should call her. She she moved on, and started asking me weather or not I've been sexually active, ect, then the normal physical examination..And then three simotaneous shots. Fun .
I remember when I was younger, my mom used to yell at me because the skin on the back of my neck was really dark, and she used to say I don't wash right...and the doctor told me it might be pre-diabetes. So now I get to go have bloodwork done. . . My mom wanted me to get guardasil, which means I'm coming back in two months for my next round, and meanwhile she wants me to get more proteins in my diet, and see if that helps the sleeping problem. . . I don't know why, but today I've been convincing myself its a good thing I didn't mention anything, because theres no way I'm bipolar! I'm perfectly fine! ...but then i think about it and realize most likely, thats not the case at all.

Okay. Long post. . .
So, I'm going to wait, and if two months from now my moods start spiraling again, then this time I'll try to talk to my parents . . .

Thanks for all your concerns guys!