Seeking Insight & Advice

Good morning to anyone who happens to stumble upon my post. I visit the forum often but I am not much of a poster, I do have a blog on Live Journal and use psych central as one of my main references in coping with my illness but I thought it was time to come to the forum and seek some advice with a very important subject in my life.

I guess I should offer a little background on myself since I am not a familiar poster to you guys…I am 31 years old and was properly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a little over a year a go. My doctors believe that it had gone undiagnosed for over ten years. I have had quite a battle in my life time and it was a victory to final have some answers to why my life had been so challenging. I took about six months and several cocktails of medications to finally settle on what was going to work for me. I am happy to report that I feel great, I have a stable job, my marriage is better than it ever has been and for once in my life I am looking forward to the future.

One area of my future is children, or at least one child. My husband and I have talked about it with our marriage counselor and I have talked about it separately with my own doctors. We initially came to the conclusive that it may be best for us to adopt because of my Bipolar Disorder. We both hated the thought of me going back to square one and having to feel the way I used to feel without taking my medication. Also, what if I experienced mania or a severe depression episode while I was pregnant? Now, one of my doctors said she has had patients who are completely stable while they are pregnant, something to do with the extra hormones in their system. Then another doctor told me that pregnancy can trigger episodes. I feel so confused!

So, back to the adoption route: We began looking at the different adoption agencies, the costs, the home study steps. Then it hit me, would they let me adopt a baby? Or even an older child? I mean I have a mental illness. My doctors are even giving me mixed answers on that question. Some say we would not have a problem and others say that my mental illness may not allow for adoption.

Can anyone offer any insight on this for me? My husband and I are terrified and confused on what to do regarding our future for a family. Has anyone been through this? If so, what did you do? Did you adopt? Was it difficult to get approval? Did you decide to conceive on your own? How did it affect your Bipolar Disorder? Many thanks and God Bless to anyone who would be so kind to offer some advice and insight to me.

I think it depends on where you are trying to adopt. Different states may have different rules. I know of one person here who wasn't allowed to adopt in an eastern state because of her history of mental illness, and there have been all sorts of reports from foreign countries refusing to allow adoptive parents with any number of limiting conditions (including obesity and mental illness, in China's case).

My best advice is to contact an adoption agency near you and see what they say. I am on the opposite side of the triad (birthmom), so I can't be too much help...

Good luck.

Candy

Hi eccentricmind76

I have 2 children, 12 y.o. and 9 y.o. I was totally unmedicated and stable during my 1st pregnancy. I was medicated and stable during my 2nd pregnancy. Of course, stable and pregnancy hormones mean different things to different people. I am unable to offer any advice/opinion regarding the adoption route, though.

I wish you and your husband luck in making this very important decision that WILL affect the rest of your lives.

Take care,

Dee

my friend who is bipolar 2, went thru her pregnancy just fine without meds but immediately went back on her antidepressant after breast feeding failed.
She had gone off a lot of meds to initiate their fertility tests etc.
so she wasa given all kinds of hormones and she made it thru it!
I would encourage you to try on your own.
May I ask...you are on 2 anti depressants?
that doesn't swing you into mania?
glad that the topamax is working for you.
Also You sound like a wonderful couple and would have wonderful children...smart funny and creative like yourselves.
bizi

Dear Bizi,
Thank you for your kind reply. We have so much more to consider now and maybe we can do this on our own.
Regarding your question on my meds, the Well XL was helping my depression but it was making me somewhat angry and slightly aggressive, my doctor added a low dose of prozac to subset those feelings and it has help immensely. I have only been taking the prozac for 2 months now but I hope it keeps working. I will be honest, sometimes I think the combination works too well, sometimes, I feel a little bit too easy going but I would rather have that than the other option. As far as the topamax, it has been a miracle drug for me. I have to take it twice a day but I would take it hourly if I had too.
Thanks again for your encouraging words!

Please keep us posted how things are going.
It is inspiring to hear of others tackling challenges.
I wish you the best of luck.
bizi

Hi,
I don't have any direct experience with what you ask, however I do want to say that anyone as articulate and thoughtful as you will come to the right decision. You sound like just the people to bring a child into the world or care for one that is already here.

Thank you for your kind post. Your words were a warm hug to me!

I have been bipolar all my life. We had 3 children (one is bipolar also). My point is, while pregnant, I felt great. I also believe it is a hormone thing. My bipolar daughter is now pregnant with her first. She has been doing great also.

As far as adoption, if you feel it is better for you, go for it. I have no idea what the legalise is for it. You need to check it out, though.

Hope everything turns out OK for you.

fharper6

Thank you fharper6. Congratulations to your daughter, too!

I will keep everyone posted on our progress. I think we will explore every option possible.

Smiles,

Me

It is my children's father who has bipolar. As an observer of him he is an excellent Dad and even at his worst they are the last for him to break down with(he keeps up a pretty good face with them much longer than with me). If you are stable and commited to a treatment program. If your husband has plans of action to make sure that happens and if not what he would do in that situation then I (with no professional backing only my humble opinion) would allow you to adopt with no problem.
As far as the being pregnant yourself I'd go with the doctors opinion and avoid that. One of the first major occurences of bipolar cycle for my children's father happened just after I had our last child. It was a difficult pregnacy and had me stressed and him stressed dealing with everything. He then left shortly after the baby was born which sent me in to post partum depression. We got back together and I am not dealing with pregnancy hormones this time around when he's doing the same thing. I'm stressed but I'm holding up. The point being that pregnacy messes with you enough to not add another instability to it.

i have 2 beautiful girls and i dont regret it for a minute. my olderst daughters father is bp as well. 1st pregnancy was ok second pregnancy was HORRIBLE but i wouldnt give up my girls for the world. i brought the second one into this world knowing my dx but i know there is a higher power guiding that. if i wasnt meant to have her it wouldnt have happened. i was protected but she was meant to be here.
good luck

I cannot get my mom to see she has something wrong- she has been dx by 3 dr's- but refuses to believe- thinks it is me or husband with problem- company is failing...please help

i was in a similar situation. the didnt dx my mom until after i spoke to her pdoc. my step father was at his wits end. if your mom has a pdoc or GP step up and make the phone call or visit and let them know the situation and the "mom" you know. it might help
PM me if need be we can try to work it out together

Thank you for letting me into your life and sharing that knowledge. We have made a few decisions and I think that we are on the right track. I think we are scheduled to see every OB in the tri-state area though, we just want to have no regrets on the decision we make.

I think you are very brave and your children are very lucky to have you.

Smiles,
Me

keep us posted, am so excited for you guys!
bizi

I have been bipolar since I was 18, but was treated for anorexia and depression and the bipolar remained undiagnosed until 2 yrs ago. I went through two pregnancies that were stable, only my depression was a problem at times. Afterwards I amazingly had no postpartum, but I think I was actually slightly manic. My sons are now 13 & 15 and my 15 yr old is also bipolar. I am now married to a new man and he wants a baby but understands that I am terrified of going off my meds or of having another child with bipolar, my younger son is fine. But I think if you work very closely with your doctors, remain in therapy and are very in tune to your emotions, you can have a baby.
Worse case scenario is you have a manic episode or become depressed - you will be being monitored. It is temporary - 9 months - and then you go right back on your meds. Just my opinion - good luck.

I was also thinking about adoption at one point because I don't do pregnancy well. I get hyperemesis gravidarum so going through a pregnancy is like going through my own mini hell. I decided to go through with my second pregnancy because I was afraid that I would get denied because I have a mental illness. The friends I have that have adopted, US adoptions, had to go through a mental wellness evaluation. I'm not sure if that was what it was called exactly, but basically their mental states were evaluated.

Pregnancy wasn't easy, but then again my point of view is skewed because of other factors. It was suggested if I ever got to severely depressed that I do ECT because it is safe for the baby, but I refused due to the possibility of memory loss. I went with no bp meds during the pregnancy and after the birth went back on them and felt just fine. Remember, while making your decision, that pregnancy is only 40 weeks so whether it goes good or bad it won't last forever and that helped kept me going.

Thank you piscesmom. It sounds like you and I have VERY similar beginning chapters. I have an update that I am getting ready to post and after reading your post, I am even more confident on our decision.

Smiles,
Me

Thank you Schatje for your kind words and guidance. I am so grateful that I have this pool of knowledge to go to in this time of need. You all are so very special and have helped me more than you will ever now. Please look for my updated post shortly.

Warmest,

Me