[kkkeeelllllyyy]

So here's the deal. I've recently been on a huge downward spiral the past week. I've seriously broken my 7 months without cutting (and it's been really bad), I'm not sleeping, sometimes staying up for 2-3 days at a time, crying all the time and once again I find myself obsessing over death in all it's forms. I feel like I've been sucked into a black pit, and not even against my will.

Anyways, since my last severe OD that landed me quite injured and practically dead and subsequently in the hospital, my Pdoc is very strict with what and how much he rx's me. Before this I have taken almost every sleeping aid (Valium, Restoril, Ambien etc.) since I was 18 (5 years ago) and now I'm left to my own devices to attempt to sleep since he has not given me anything else, despite my pleas about not sleeping!

I was given xanax by a friend once a month ago or so, and it was the best sleep of my life. I actually was somewhat normally functioning the next day. Thing is, I'm just hesitant to suggest taking this to my Pdoc in fear he will see me as some sort of junkie, which I am not. I don't know how to bring it up in conversation, but I just think I should be allowed to try it since I've tried every other benzo to no avail.

Right now I'm taking 20mg Abilify & 1200 mg Lithobid, but it's just not doing the trick and I'm gaining so much weight!

Not sleeping throws everything off in my fragile psyche, as I'm sure some of you have experienced as well.

Ugh, I just want to sleep. Any advice would be loved.

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{{Kelly}}}}}}}} Trust has to be earned once again since it was broken before. I've had my meds regulated before too, only so many prescribed at a time.

See if your pdoc will give you maybe 10 or so at first and work your way up to more. That's what I had to do.

I didn't know you weren't sleeping. Please get a hold of me if you need to.



Mary Alice