[musikcrazy]

Sometimes I get these crazy ideas that I don't really need the meds because the drs just THINK I have bipolar disorder. This really makes me feel crazy because I know the pdocs have had extensive training in their field, but I am again at the point where I am questioning it all. There are just so many side affects that I start thinking...ummm, maybe I can live with a few manic episodes and a few depressive episodes..... Even though I've stopped taking my meds numerous times with the same results, I am just over it. It is difficult just to go on sometimes like this.

[tracy33]

Oh, you are thinking just like me! I've been feeling quite "normal" lately that I question my diagnosis. I am even on disability for it and I feel like I am taking advantage of the benefits that I don't deserve. I feel like I've really pulled it off, to win disability.
And I enjoy my manias and they don't usually cause me trouble, so like you say, why not go off meds? I'll deal with the depressions after the mania.

But then my hubby knocks some sense into me and says he KNOWS I need meds. He'll tell me that I was just depressed 2 weeks ago for 3 days. Really?? I don't remember. But after reading my journal, he was right.

Do you keep a journal or a mood chart? It's a good way to track moods.
I like to look back at my journals from previos years to see how I was a year ago and I often get a kick out of it.

So, you are not the only one who feels this way about the drugs.

[Slothrop]

Sometimes I feel like such a burden to "the system"...it feels like I can't possibly need to take all these drugs that cost my insurance pool thousands of dollars a year!

I have to keep reminding myself that I DO need them, or I am going to have one miserable life.

(It also would be a lot more expensive to others if I did not take meds, as I wouldn't be able to hold down a job and someone else would end up paying for me. But I try not to focus on those economic "justifications" for taking care of myself...)

If side effects are really getting you down, ask your psychiatrist if there are other meds that might work for you.

[agony007]

oh yeah i know that feeling, i posted a similar response to someone else who had a similar question. i have gone as far as to get off my meds. but then comes the really terrible part, the reality of my situation, and the difference between when i am on meds and when i am not is clearly evident to those who know me, and to myself of course. the last time i tried that i got very sick from withdrawl and was quickly plummeting into a state of despair. my hubby who at first against meds, now understands that i need them. he went as far as to drive to my father's house to get me some meds (he takes the same meds), since my doc was on vacation. my dad laughed because when he gave my hub the meds my hub's response was "that's it?" as if i really needed alot more, lol. well anyway, sorry to steer off into my own chatter, i totally understand what you are feeling. but before you get off any meds you should definitely consult with your p-doc.