[musikcrazy]

I always try to stay positive, but this BP thing is kicking my behind today! I am so ANGRY and it is so hard to figure out how much of it is just screwed up me and how much is really BP. I am so sick and tired of this that I just want to rest, but I CAN"T! I feel like the only time I am calm is if I take Ativan, and I am trying to kick it. I feel like my husband is over me. He is just in horrible denial and doesn't want to deal with it anymore.
The desire to cut is overwhelming, but I am trying so hard not to give in. I hate that I get like this and can't seem to control it.
I feel like no one understands (at least the people that are in my life) and everyone just kind of whispers and smiles. Sure, maybe I'm paranoid, but you guys know how it is. I just feel like telling people to go screw themselves or something b/c I don't want to be vulnerable anymore. I am tired of people leaving and dying.
And the side effects from the meds....well, I am afraid to say anything to my pdoc for fear that they'll try yet again something new. You know how they tell you to 'let your system get used to it', well, I'm tired of it. Yeah, I know I'm on my own little pity party wagon with plenty to share, but I just don't feel like talking about it anymore and it's easy to vent here.
I am on 120 mg of Geodon and 100 mg of Lamictal (which the pdoc plans to keep moving me to 200). I have blurry vision and it feels like my jaw needs some WD40!!!! Should I stick it out? I hate calling the pdoc with complaints about meds, but of course my all knowing husband thinks I should call. Easy for him!
I have these ideas that the medicine is just making me worse, so I should just stop, but I've been down that road MANY times and I know the result is always the same. It's just so hard to stick it out! I KNOW I have to, but it sucks. Sorry for the long vent.

[Phoenix1985]

Hi musikcrazy, sorry you're having such a rough time with BP

Originally Posted by musikcrazy

The desire to cut is overwhelming, but I am trying so hard not to give in. I hate that I get like this and can't seem to control it.

Hang in there, if you have the urge to cut and are managing to not give into it, that's a good thing. Hang in there.
((((musikcrazy))))

As for your meds, I honestly don't know what to say, other than you should do what it best for you. But I'm not in much of a position to really offer advice, I'm sorry.

Lots of big s and hope you are hanging in there

[conigogo]

I'm sorry to read that things are going so poorly for you right now. You talk about being told to let the meds get into your system--how long have you been taking those two meds? I take Lithium, Klonapin, & Welbutrin SR. When I went into the hospital, the doc there changed my Welbrutrin to XL, instead of SR. She said it would stay in my body longer and work more effectively. After 6 weeks, though, I practically begged my psychiatrist to change it back to SR. The hot flashes and other side effects just became too much. He quickly changed it back to the SR.

It sounds like you have been down this road before, so I don't know if any of this helps.

[musikcrazy]

Thanks for replying. It just helps to know that someone cares.

Originally Posted by conigogo

I'm sorry to read that things are going so poorly for you right now. You talk about being told to let the meds get into your system--how long have you been taking those two meds? I take Lithium, Klonapin, & Welbutrin SR. When I went into the hospital, the doc there changed my Welbrutrin to XL, instead of SR. She said it would stay in my body longer and work more effectively. After 6 weeks, though, I practically begged my psychiatrist to change it back to SR. The hot flashes and other side effects just became too much. He quickly changed it back to the SR.

It sounds like you have been down this road before, so I don't know if any of this helps.

[conigogo]

How are things going for you today? Sometimes, weekends are the worst for me because I am with my family more on those days, and it can become overwhelming.

[bizi]

The geodon will help with obcessive thoughts....
then geodon is a good medication to get you away from a crisis.
you can safely go up to 160mg a day of theis medication.
lamictal needs to be slowly increased to 200mg.
YOu start off really slowly but eventually you will work up to 200mg which is usually the theraputic dose.
I have seen folks take up to 400mg safely so you have a lot of leeway there.
the geodon will be decreased as you stabilize. It has sedative effects.
I take both of these meds and I am bipolar 1
I take 200mg of lamictal and geodon 40mg at night...as a mainteneance dose if you will.
I also take .5mg of klonipin to sleep at night.
This is when we have to trust our doctors.
They are the professionals...tell them of the side effects that you are experiencing. often they will subside as your body adjusts to the new medications. if not then tell your pdoc. there are many different meds to try...thus the medication merry go round.
I wish you wellness....how are you sleeping?
bizi

[agony007]

so sorry you are going through this rough time. just wanna send you some hugs ((musikcrazy))

[Miracle1986]

Just stopping by to send some (((hugs))) to musik.

[GeneticlyBipolar1]

Hi, please read my story on FEELING CRAZED, and respond here. Hearing you mention side effects when the MEDS just seem like a Knight in Shining Armor that I am waiting for, I feel scared now. And even though I haven't begun any , I accept that I can't live with out. I think that anyway.

But that passes usually right ?

[bizi]

genetically bipolar 1:
when do you see your doctor?
bizi