[vacantangel]

I need to swear sooooo badly. I'm so f@*$!&# mad right now. How can someone feel so incredibly sad and just as incredibly angry at the same time. Sorry, dealing with 2 different situations at the same time. My emotions are being tugged in 2 directions. F him!!!! Hope that was ok. God, let me find some self-disciple and self-control. I don't do either of those very well and yet I'm soooo sad at the same time. Which emotion is going to over-rule the other. It better be the sad one, even though I hate being sad.

Gotta go get my Xanax now. Gotta be sad instead of angry. Please let the sad win out. Angry won't be pretty.

[vacantangel]

9 freaking letters, how hard would that've been for him. I HATE him!!!

Why is this anger replacing my sad feelings, Give me the sad back, think sad, think sad, think sad.

[vacantangel]

Cat, come and calm me down. PLEASE!!!

[vacantangel]

Cat, please come and help me. I NEED YOU!!!

[vacantangel]

What a cruel, cruel man who plays with the emotions of the mentally ill. How can he do this to me.

[TheCheshireCat]

OK, luv, OK. I'm here. You know how I feel about that situation. You know how hard I fought to change it. I took it right to the limit and ended up pulling a Thelma and Louise off the cliff. What do you need most right now? What can I do to give you a hand up out of the abyss? Just let me know, Angel, and I'll give it a go. The Cheshire Cat, at your service

[vacantangel]

I don't really know what you can do, I want a real hug. Why dos that man have to continue to torment me even when I'm not there. Is he supposed to be a pdoc? I just don't get it at all, I really don't. It was obviously personal, what other excuse could there be. Cruel, cruel, cruel. My Xanax is kicking in. My anger is starting to be replaced by even more hurt at what that evil man can actually do without even caring what effect it has on people.

I won't go there, I'm going to be good but it's hard to let him get away with the injustice in it all. It's a wound that will never go away, he keeps at it and at it. I just don't get how anybody with a heart could be like this and then call that place a support site. HA!!! Where is the support from him? He does just the opposite. I need a real hug. I need to be held and I know both of those are just not possible. They never will be. But at least I will be good and stay away from it. I don't even want to go look at it. 9 freaking letters, that's all that I ever asked for but that was just too d@#$ impossible for the all mighty Bobby. He knows nothing about the mentally ill and the effect that he has on them. I just want to crumble in a heap on the floor and cry. Geez, Sarah McLachlan's 'Surfacing' is going to wear out on my stereo. It's been playing non-stop for days now without even being turned off. Thank God for repeat buttons. Sarah is my depression companion. She expresses how I feel in her music.

Cat, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't let my constant mood swings affect your mental and emotional health. I couldn't bear that. Promise me you won't k? If it's possible, just pls don't leave me alone like this, unless it's too much for you. I need you but I don't want to be a negative effect on you either. Can we accomplish that? Xanax is working. I just wish you could hold me. That would make me feel better and safe again. Now, I feel almost numb.

[TheCheshireCat]

Would a phone call help? Cheshire Cat

[vacantangel]

Phone calls are so expensive. I'm not even in the US.

[vacantangel]

It's your decision what you want to do.

[nothemama8]

Angel Girl we are here too if you need us let us help please
Angie

[vacantangel]

Thanks nothemama

I need all the help I can get sometimes. Some things seem too hard for me to handle, especially when something angers me. It's hard not to react but at the same time, I want to be good and leave it all behind but the good ole doc, Bobby, makes that so hard with what he does sometimes. I just don't understand how he makes his decisions sometimes and the inconsistent application of his rules.

How are you doing now? Have you risen from the abyss yet, I'm sorry if you've said before, my memory often fails me, it seems short-term memory is almost non-existant these days yet I can remember my carefree teenage years and the lyrics of songs from back then. Of course, though there are periods of my life that I've totally blocked out and right now I think that's a good thing.

Anyway, as usual, I digressed, so how are you doing sweetie?

[vacantangel]

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Would a phone call help? Cheshire Cat

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Oh cat, thank you so much for phoning me last night. Seems we are making a habit of watching the sun come up together. I just wish we were closer to each other. The geographical distance is too much but your voice on the phone is always so soothing to me. You've always been able to lift me up from the bottom by holding out your hand for me to grab onto. You'll never know how much that *really* means to me. I'm never going to let you go, so you better get used to me.