Don't know if I'm bipolar??

I was recently diagnosed as bipolar after a lifetime of counseling for depression, anxiety, and ptsd. My new doctor has added Topimax to my Effexor XR and Xanax and I don't feel anything yet. I never thought of myself as manic but she said my "anger" could be the mania. I am normally not an angry person and I don't drink much but when I drink (in past year) I have been violent and I never used to be. I have been trying to research bipolar disorder because if I do have it, I am more than willing to get treatment, but if she is wrong, I don't want to waste my time! I do believe I have all the other problems but could I suddenly develop bipolar disorder at age 40??? I've pretty much been emotionally dead and just now back in counseling after year and half of avoiding it.

welcome to pc! i'm glad you found us.
you didn't say how long you have been on topamax. most meds take about 21-28 days to kick in. perhaps that is why you haven't felt any change yet.
i'm bipolar. my hypomania exhibits itself in a most agitated state. at times before stability, very angry, too.
your feeling emotionally dead is what i call my "flat effect". it's usually when i am most depresssed. almost numb of feelings.
as for a dx i wouldn't want to say. do you have confidence in your doctor? is he a pdoc? you could discuss this dx with him next visit to better understand why the dx was added. it may give you better insight on why/how the diagnosis was made.
glad you're back in therapy. i find it helps me and i hope it will help you.

Welcome to the boards... Personally, if I were you I wouldnt get so caught up in the "label" of bipolar that she is imposing on you... I was diagnosed bipolar 8 years ago...and I personally have trouble buying into that... I think my hormones have a great deal to do with my ups and down, not necessarily bipolar.

The fact that you are drinking has a great deal to do with your ups and downs...that is roller coaster ride within itself. I think you need to focus on the drinking, why you're doing it, and mechanisms to help you to not do it! Labels are dangerous because some people, like me begin to live their life based on the "label" and that isn't healthy IMHO....

TJ

If the main symptom you are looking at is anger, then I would personally be hesitant with the bipolar diagnosis. I'm not sure if you've looked at the symptoms for mania, or hypo-mania. Irritability and anger can certainly be symptoms of mania. What generally goes along with mania, or can go along with mania is hyper sexuality (a way increased desire to have sex), increased energy, flight of thoughts leading to a difficulty concentrating, euphoria or just feeling real good for no particular reason (being high on life to an nth degree), grandiose thinking (thinking you are basically the best thing since since sliced bread and a real high opinion of yourself), and it can go on and on. If you have experienced any of those things in conjunction with the irritability then you might have some bipolar going on. I'm less familiar personally with hypo-mania than I am with mania, because I have bipolar type I. But as I understand it, hypomania is a milder form of mania. But also, it is important to note that if your periods of anger are being caused by, say, the alcohol like you mentioned, that isn't valid for bipolar. It can't be caused by a substance. There really needs to be a combination of things going on, and for a few days or more, for it to be something diagnosable.

Also, I don't think age 40 is a typical age of onset for bipolar. I did a quick search just now and I think mid to late twenties is what may be considered typical, but taht doesn't mean you can't have a late onset. So I hope that stuff helps out. Feel free to post any more info and questions.

I'd advise that you don't drink alcohol at all until you have your diagnosis confirmed&have your meds in your system long enough to really get a "feel" for them. I used to drink when I tool Zoloft&I'd black out&get into violent rages&fights with guys-I'm a girl. All they had to do was grab me sexually&I'd sock 'em up side the head. I don't know how I managed to not get arrested! I finally quit drinking 18 years ago after a guy waited for me outside of a club after I kicked his *** for grabbing me&put a gun to my head& I told him to pull the trigger. (This all comes from an account from a former girlfriend who was there too.) Hope you can stick to the meds, I know it's hard to not get instant results, but hang in there-they may help.

I went to therapy today and talked of how I have been emotionally numb. After I left, I had a complete breakdown and cried for the first time in about a year in front of a total stranger! I normally do not lie because I hate the feeling that comes along with it (guilt, etc), but over the holidays I was extremely depressed and went on a web site and used my debit cards from three banks which didn't have enough money and used them for "entry fees" for playing games on a legal site. I felt so guilty, I didn't even tell my therapist and I think I actually blocked it out and believed my own story that the cards were stolen (although I knew inside they were not), and reported them stolen and went as far as making a police report. It was not large amounts of money, but the one lady at the bank kept pressuring me and called me on it and I broke down and cried after about 45 minutes of denying it. I was so ashamed and I apologized and spilled my guts about my new diagnosis and meds and my life and I actually thanked her for making me cry!!!! Thank goodness she was extremely understanding and offered to set up a payment plan but said I needed to face the other banks and she would help me, but I am so scared! I don't do things like this! She said she believed it was an escape for me because of my situation and was very understanding and told me that I should come to church.........I'm losing it, and don't understand what is happening to me! I really appreciate all the responses because I need all the help I can get at this time. If not for my kids, I believe I would not care right now if I lived or died. I want to believe I will make it out of this darkness and get back to normal. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm so scared and ashamed!

I may have left this out in my description, but compulsive spending, or basically doing exactly what you did, can be a symptom of mania. Were you gambling? Or what kind of games. I did that during a manic episode and ran up a pretty big debt. I might advise you to let your psychiatrist know what's going on. Call and tell him/her about what just happened. You don't want things to get worse. Give your credit cards/debit cards to someone you trust. I'm just speaking from experience, I did a lot of damage to my credit rating all because I got manic.

You may be in a crucial stage of a manic episode, so please don't be afraid of trying to get some help for it.

I cut up all of my cards and I'm closing my accounts. I can't believe I did something like this!!!! It's just not me! I did tell the doc and she says she believes it does sound like hypomania.........I am soooo scared!

my husband is also in his forties and it took a serious manic episode this past summer to come to the conclusion that he is bipolar. we now believe that he has always had a mild form of it called cyclothmia (hope I spelled that right) that was just part of who he was and we lived with his ups and downs, never thinking it was a condition. but after a severe amount of stress in our lives he he became hopelessly depressed which in turn became a full blown manic episode. We are still in the beginning stages of all of this so a lot is speculation and following the clues like a mystery. Left on his own my husband would never have figured this out as he wasn't recognizing what was going on...do you have someone close to you who can point out your behavior that you might not even be aware of? Sometimes it really takes someone you trust to tell you the obvious.

I don't really have anyone. My husband is not very supportive. He never wanted me to go to any type counseling or therapy even though I did before I ever met him and my major in college was Psychology, so I did a lot of volunteer work counseling people (too bad I can't counsel myself!). I'm trying really hard to look back at my behavior but it's difficult to look at yourself and see what others see.

In that case would a diary be useful? something that if you wrote in it everyday, you could look back and see things from a different perspective. Just maybe a daily log of your thoughts and feelings... Something that seemed like a great idea one day might be completely odd the next....reading it in a different state on mind could alert you to times when you weren't yourself.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Keep trying. Keep seeking help. Things will get better. Give the meds some time to help. Then if they don't tell your pdoc to try something else. Keep posting. It helps. Listen to the people here. They are very good at advising and supporting. And we all care very much about each other. Good luck.