[Melpomene]

I didn't know where to post this, but I thought this section would be the best place.

Basically: I suffer from depression. Since CBT I have been feeling a lot better. Not totally better, but better. (No longer suicidal). But I know there’s still something wrong because on Friday I was on a school trip to London. I was with friends, I had a tour of Shakespeare’s Globe! Our guide was funny, I laughed. But just down the street we went to Pizza express. After about 10 minutes I went to the toilets and cried. I hadn’t brilliantly enjoyed the day. So, on Tuesday I’m going to the doctors to ask about medication – I feel I’ve hit a chemical wall in my recovery. But the thing is, sometimes I think I am Bipolar. Type 2 I think. Because since starting therapy I’ve had to pay attention to my emotions, and there was twice that I felt amazingly good for about 2 weeks before being depressed again. I thought this was just me recovering, but the more I think about it, the more I remember other periods like this, before therapy. Being dead happy last February, being irritable a few months later. And then my friend wanted to know the symptoms of Bipolar, so I looked them up. I switch between hyposomnia and insomnia when I’m depressed, I can laugh and joke even when I’m depressed. When I’m happy (I think its more hypomania than hyper), I have good self-esteem. When I’m not, it’s questionable – though since therapy even my worst self-esteem is much better, though now it’s threatening to decline. There are times I talk so fast that people don’t understand what I’m saying – though I think I’m speaking normally, sometimes I think so fast I can’t even keep up with myself – especially when working. I find it hard to concentrate, when I’m happy it’s easier, unless I get distracted, when I’m not, it’s because my mind goes blank. Also, sometimes, especially when i'm nervous, or not even then, there's something Like unreality. I think therefore I am. But everyone else? I can stare at them and wonder why and if they exist. If I could hurt them - do they feel pain? I mean, I don't do it because I know my emotions are real and I'd feel guilty if they existed or not.

And the depression part, you can guess.

The thing is, I’m a bit of a hypochondriac – though that calmed down a LOT since I figured out my depression. Yes again, from the internet out of curiosity. And I just knew. I broke down and cried. With this I don’t know. It is because I can’t stand the thought of being ‘well’. I can’t cope with blaming things on something? I know that there’s no ‘cure’ for bipolar, so maybe that’s why?

The way I write it here, it makes it sound like I do, but it just doesn’t seem that simple in real life.

Anyway, I want to know, should I tell the doctor I think this? Of should I just keep quiet and go for the anti-depressants?

I don’t want to seem foolish. I know you can say there’s no harm in asking, putting my mind to rest, but…I dunno.

Thanks for reading.

[jbug]

I would mention it to your doctor. It seems to be affecting your life and being bipolar isn't a death sentence. With the proper medications you can lead a decent life.

Jan

[Berries]

I would definitely mention anything and everything that distresses you or impacts your functioning to your doctor.

Don't hold back.

They can't help you if they don't know the full story.

Try not to flip out on labels, though, ok?

Just let the doctors know what's going on and let them help you manage your symptoms. They are not gods so don't trust them blindly. But trust them.
If you have any concerns, post them on PC, it is a good place for feedback about doctors, Ts and pdocs.
Good luck. Please let us know, if you do decide to tell the docs about these symptoms and what they say back.
I’ve been “in the system”-lots of pdocs, meds, treatments…for 25 years. If you ever want to PM me, I’d be happy to share my experience.

[Melpomene]

Thankyou guys

I think I will bring it up, even just for closure.

I dont even fully know what I'm scared about.

and I'd be happy to PM you if I need too

Thank you again!

[Melpomene]

I spoke to my doctor. I'm on Prozac now (I can't remember the real name - flourentine?). He said that he had to be careful when diagnosing people my age with bipolar and thathe mostly jsut thought my 'ups' were more lack of depression than anythign else.

I'm not 100% convinced - it was only on the bus that I remembered that I HAD been on shopping sprees then (Though I think that was more because I was with friends than anything).

Then again, I'm not as sure that I am either, so it balances out.

Either way I'm happy to take the meds ^^

[Berries]

I'm glad that you doctor is being careful in diagnosing you. Bipolar is a serious & chronic diagnosis. And although onset could be as early as late teens, it's hard to tell that's what was going on until later on in your life, usually.

Plus, you may not have it and you might be damaged by a diagnosis of it. You and your family might make a lot of life decisions based on an illness you don't even have.

I hope that you don't have it, but keep being honest with yourself and your doctors, so that whatever is going on can be treated.

Thanks for letting us know what happened. Good luck.

[Melpomene]

*Hugs* Thankyou

I hope that I don't have it too, and you're right. You can't undo it if he wrongly diagnosed me .

[Berries]

hugs back!!!!

But, honey, you could have and can "undo" words.

I'm still glad he is being careful. I am still glad he didn't diagnose you.

But, if anyone ever does diagnose you, get a second or even a third opinion.

And even when you are satisfied with the diagnoses, don't let in define you or even define your "diagnoses”

You are you!! There are many parts of you, not just diagnosis, not just bipolar or major depression or whatever it is... You have a unique personality and soul different from all other bipolar...

And even within diagnoses, people are way, way different.
Two people can have bipolar, and still have a lot of different symptoms and those symptoms can manifest in different ways and in different severities.

So, don't let a diagnoses be "all powerful". It really just is a word. A label. It's important, yes. But only in that it will help the doctors help you live a less symptomatic and therefore happier life.
And it really, really is only useful for the doctors in communicating between themselves and insurance companies (so they can get paid and stay in business to keep helping you).

[Melpomene]

I'm glad he didn't diagnose me too. I think a part of me probably wanted him to, and that was the part I paid attention to, but the more I think about it, the more i realise that I didn't and that since I'd came up with the idea of perhaps having BPD I'd been more anxious. I think I wanted it because it was a label to hide behind - something to blame things on. Not that I realise that, it's easier to accept. I'd practically convinced myself I was based on self-diagnosis, dangerous XD, so when I posted earlier that was still there, and now I've had more time to think, I agree with the doctor. This is the best course of action. The chances aren't eliminated that I have Bipolar, but I don't feel that they are very high anymore.

Thankyou, yet again

[Michah]

Originally Posted by Melpomene

I'm glad he didn't diagnose me too. I think a part of me probably wanted him to, and that was the part I paid attention to, but the more I think about it, the more i realise that I didn't and that since I'd came up with the idea of perhaps having BPD I'd been more anxious. I think I wanted it because it was a label to hide behind - something to blame things on. Not that I realise that, it's easier to accept. I'd practically convinced myself I was based on self-diagnosis, dangerous XD, so when I posted earlier that was still there, and now I've had more time to think, I agree with the doctor. This is the best course of action. The chances aren't eliminated that I have Bipolar, but I don't feel that they are very high anymore.
\
Thankyou, yet again

Hi there, I was dx BPD at 21 and dx Bipolar II 2007. I was 34.

The point is I don't really care.......I take my lithium and see my shrinks and it helps. Dx can be good from a treatment perspective......but not the be all, end all. Mentally ill is mentally ill, no matter what you have been dx with.....its the correct healing that counts.

I was on Prozac when I was 18 and I found it to be good.......be honest with yourself and your doctors at all times. If it gets worse or you don't understand your symptoms......tell someone. It is the only way to stillness.

Good luck babe.........we are here with you

[amz5a]

It is important to get a professional opinion for a number of reasons. Especially if you're thinking of taking antidepressants. In people with bipolar disorder, taking antidepressants without other drugs to stabilize your mood can trigger manic episodes, which can be really dangerous. Talk to your doctor about your concerns. If you don't have the disorder, at least you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. If you do, you can start effective treatments to get a better handle on your symptoms, which is the first step to living well.