Sqrl as Multi Tasker

I almost can't remember what in the hell it ever was I thought i could do about this, all this energy and surging emotion. No wonder I used to wreck the walls down to get out. It goes up and up. I used to think I was just suddenly realising the truth about my self, and would react right away, changing virtually everything around me to suit the new super me. Maybe the progressive nature of the disorder has to do with the more deleterious aspects of the energy. I mean, my attention span is crap, where i used to single focus more.

Anyway, so I've got my guitar plugged in, and do that for a bit, need a smoke, end up here for a bit, get all contemplative and soft inside and set off for any of a few more distractions out in the open. My goal is to change nothing. And to sleep. I'm doing some writing, singing real well, there's some good in it alright. But I practically have to leave notes to myself reminding me not to go walkabout. The sense of mind as gleaming diamond is so compelling, are not all things possible? It sounds dorky i suppose, but the allure to me of anything unknown can undo me in this state. Note to self: you already have a soul mate fercrisakes. lol So by not hitchhiking across country to be united with the one (again) I'm hoping to rob the cycle of its backlash. If I can get thru it without being it, then maybe I won't be so depressed afterward.

Should have called this one Sqrl as Chatterbox.

Interesting... very. The feelings of superiority over the rest of the mundane world are quite euphoric. I can do anything, I am everything. It all starts and ends with me. There's nothing I can't accomplish if I put my mind to it... yet I can't seem to get my mind moving. Or rather I can't slow it down enough to watch the grass grow. So therefore how can I accomplish anything? The answer is I can't accomplish "anything." I can sail along well enough to accomplish the things that must be done, even if with great difficulty. It's definately a work of magic to not feed the "cycle." Yet we somehow find a way into the magician's clothes or we end up crashing even further through the floor. What a wonderful peek into your life sqrl. Thank you.

Ry

Hello, I have watched your posts for a long time. You wrote a song a while ago that I thought was so excellent. I just want to say "Hi"...
I'm glad you are feeling great...spring has a way of elevating the spirit.
Ganesha

If I can get thru it without being it, then maybe I won't be so depressed afterward.

Sqrlman, you've made my year with the above........i'm going to tattoo it on my forehead, the back of one hand and on one knee..perhaps i can also get it right.....thanks, pat

Hi Ganesha, thanks. I love your icon and name, it will be nice to get to know you.

By the time winter ends around here, spring is welcome indeed. lol. I always do feel better in the spring.

Glad you liked that, Pat. It was a pretty manic post I made that day, but at least one good sentence snuck in. lol.

Funny though, I keep trying to find new ways to say that, to get at the idea of not identifying with how I feel. Well, in my group sessions, they have been going over some "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" text called, "Mind Over Mood." In it, they talk about the importance of the statement like, "I'm depressed; and I'm ok." Or whatever other symptom, and "I'm ok." The way they explain the idea sounds a lot like what I'm getting at when I say such borderline uninteligable gibberish as "If I can get through it without being it...." LOL. But I'm glad you could hear it. Nice to hear from you, Pat.

Hi..I'm glad you showed back up. I was beginning to wonder if you had left the country..sounds like the group therapy is going well. I wish we had a group here but nada. As big as this town is, we should have a lot of things that we don't have!!! Pat