What should I do?

I have a boyfriend with bipolar. He is on Depakote, recently stopped anti-depressants by his doctor's advice and went straight to depressive episode since then. It started two weeks ago, he came to me and said that he doesn't know what he is feeling, he feels guilty. He started rationalizing his feelings by saying that it's impossible not to love me because I'm beautiful etc. etc.... Now he went for holidays and hardly replies to any of my sms, even though they are not intrusive, I am just being supportive, warm, not asking for anything. I am starting being depressed myself, have problems eating and sleeping... What should I do? How should I communicate with him now?

It's hard to tell why someone isn't communicating at a distance. He might be too down to feel like getting back to you, or maybe he is uncertain about the relationship.

I'm bipolar and have been in relationships that I had mixed feelings about. It was very hard for me to separate my "legitimate" feelings from the emotional distortions caused by bipolar. He could be going through the same thing. Maybe he has been losing interest in the relationship, but he can't tell whether it's because of the depressive episode or some other reason.

I wish he'd go back to the doctor and discuss what happened when he stopped the antidepressants, but that may be beyond your control.

First and foremost, take care of yourself. Try not to let his issues become your issues. I think Psych Central is a good place to talk about your concerns and hopefully get some comfort.

It is normal to go through emotional pain when a relationship is in crisis, so I won't tell you to run and see a therapist right away. But professional help (if it is available to you) is an option if the situation really starts messing up your life.

Thank you for reply and support! Since late yesterday he actually started replying normally. I have impression he has mixed feelings about everything. In addition, he's in the process of job search which is not going well. And has many other problems. I read somewhere on other forums that it is better to back off a bit in such situations and see what happens. Because every move towards him will be considered intrusive. From your personal experience, would you advise the same?

Yeah, I suppose I'd go along with that. "Give him some space" seems a bit of a cliche, but there's something to it... It is a good way to gauge how much interaction he is looking for right now.

The job search may be hard on his self-esteem, and he might rather not talk about it. Just speculating.

Lara....I too am bipolar....as Slothrop said we all go through periods when it is hard to tell the "legitimate feelins from the emotional distortions". Just prior to my diagnosis, I now know that I was rapid cycling for months and months and during this periiod, I convinced myself that my 32 yr long marriage was unhappy, unfulfilling and empty...I had an affair and my husband found out about it....while I might add, I was in the "hospital". He told me then and there that I had betrayed his trust and was seeking divorce. He couldn't see that the behavior was totally out of character for me...that in a "normal" situation that I would never have done that....no second chances in other words. After a month in the hospital, I saw my feelings and actions prior to the hospital and diagnosis for what they really were but it was too late.

I guess I'm just trying to say....it's a hard row you tole and I hope you can continue to be this understanding and I hope you have forgiveness in your heart...it will take both.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It sucks doesn't it. Not something we signed up for when the relationship began. 1st I think YOU need to call his Dr and explain what is going on and suggest they call him in for a check up. 2nd you need to decide how invested you are in this relationship. Is this something you can deal with long term. I don't know how long you've been dating but you seriously need to think about it because be the other half of a bp is hard. I love my husband madly and I will stand by him until the day I die but we've been together for 18 years. married 13. if I had known and seen before hand I would have had to make tough decisions about if I could deal with it.
Meds help but they aren't foolproof. Many BP's stop their meds when they feel better and the cycle begins again. Until he is comfortable with his diagnosis and willing to lsiten when you see him slipping into an episode it is going to be horribly hard. it isn't uncommon for a person in your position to starting having issues. You MUST take care of you, you can not allow the bp's demons to destroy you. There are support groups and therapist to help you not let him become codependent on you or you on he.
Blessings to you