how do you feel

when you are ignored (or feel ignored)

a) by someone you feel close to, who you talk to a lot (or used to talk to a lot)

b) by someone who you feel betrayed by

how do you deal with these feelings

(ps this is not about anyone on pc)

Good question, if you’d asked me that six months I’d said very annoyed peed off and angry to the point I’d wanted to cut them off and treat them as they treat me... now I’m different.

For instance the other week was my birthday and my best friend of 10 years forgot... my initial reaction was one of simple shock because of the year I’ve had I found hard to comprehend that she could forget my birthday because

(a) we’d only talked about two weeks previously

and

(b) she knew that this year was going to be extremely hard for me under the circumstances.

She didn’t call and when she eventually called me three days later it was still apparent that she’d forgot, it was only when I’d mentioned I was calling my godmother to thank her that she asked “what for” and I said “for the money she’d sent me “what money” I replied “for my birthday” the penny then dropped...

It’s not the first time I’d had problems with this friend and normally I’ve reacted by allowing myself to get upset but this time I didn’t bother, I figured no doubt she’d have some excuse as always (she did) and I’d just smile to myself about whatever it was...

I have the same problem with another old friend who I’ve known for around 8 years, we use to be close but now despite me always making the effort she never does. I sent her a birthday card this year as I do every year – her birthday is four days before mine, she didn’t thank me for it and neither did she send one back, she never does... I simple won’t bother anymore... I got to stage in life that friends like that one day will what favours and I’ll be too busy to be bothered to help them!

Life’s too short to keep worrying about them!

((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))

A) For this I think there are no words to explain the pain and suffering I go through... it is like if someone I care about more then anything in the world just dies... I cannot handle it at all... it is to painful for me and I just want to escape.

B) For this I have bad feelings but not as bad as "A"... the only reason being is I will always wonder why they betrayed me... but this is easier to deal with by not trying to think about it.

How do I feel? Usually, I want to hit ( by this I mean myself) I want to self harm; often through a rage. I feel Not validated when someone ignores me, it doesn't matter if it's a family member or not. It's like a knee jerk reaction; I'm getting better with my skills and the reactions are less. My anger is often turned at myself; at times I have such contempt for myself and I don't know why. I'm in therapy and on meds for bpd. JG+

Thank you for this post and thank you everyone for the replies.
I am dealing with the same thing!
I am aware that people go thru stuff, too.
It doesn't mean I hurt any less, but it feels better for me to know that it isnt' always about me.
Billi

Both of those situations make me hate myself more and:
-make me want to punish myself
-make me feel like I deserved it
-makes me feel invisible

I don't have any idea how to deal with it all yet.......

you reading my mind Fuzzybear?

((((((((((( notz ))))))))))))

Thanks everyone for your replies and for sharing

(((((((Fuzzy))))))))

Well, I won't break it up into two sections as most people did. I will speak in general.

I loved my ex to death. More than anything. However, one of her main issues, was that she would ignore me. Even when we were together, sometimes I would send her an Email or something just to let her know I still care and love her. She would ignore it and not respond. Plus, when she had female problems or was dealing with other issues she would shut me out. Like she did quite frequently.

I feel terrible. I get PISSED at times even. I will hit things, I will scream, it just irritates the hell out of me.. Being ignored by someone you love or care about is one of the worst feelings in the world.. Some of the many scars on my wrist are from my ex ignoring me.. It just hurts.. People wonder why we can get so angry or sad because of it, but yet they continue to ignore us.. If they felt the pain we did, they wouldn't do that.

I'm often ignored by those close to me. I figure they "shut down" on certain subjects - like my health - because they just can't deal with knowing the pain I endure. Or they are too wrapped up in their issues to recall mine. Also with family, I have to bear in mind the psyche issues we all have (but not all of us are addressing).

When strangers ignore me, it reinforces my feeling of 'invisibility'. Maybe because I'm only 5'1" or because my voice is deep and soft? Or is it that I'm not really here? It's creepy when automatic doors won't open for me, but they do for others. I feel like a shadow. Powerless.

To deal, I try to focus on service to others. I try to forget my SELF.