[Rachie]

I had a fight with my boyfriend earlier and he was fully blowing up at me saying things like "you're a lazy f*cken c--- who doesnt do *****" "im going to pack my **** and ***** off" but while he was saying these things that would normally bring me instantly to tears i just sat there and quite clamly i responded to him, all i said was good pack your ***** and p*ss off i don't care and carried on with what i was doing and acting as if nothing was said to me at all...ive done this a few times when we have argued..so my question is, is this normal? does this happen to anyone else? Im still not really that upset either...why is it that sometimes when he tells me he wants to leave me because im such a ****** i cry and other times i couldnt give two f*cks what he did...i dunno

[AlteredState01]

I was just contemplating my situation which is similar to what you are going through.

I, too, have noticed that I am feeling absolutely nothing, which is extremely odd because I am a consistent and rapid cycler of moods. I have been in your situation (w/ bf) many times.

I just read about something called "splitting" that occurs with Borderlines, and I was wondering if we were kinda stuck between the two preceptions we often have about the ones we love. It's like being stuck in an emotional-less limbo until we ascertain which way we will choose to respond to the trigger event.

I am not sure how to interpret this non-emotional state. It's kinda freaky to me.

I hope by adding my "2 cents," we can find out more about this weirdness, if you don't mind.

[Rachie]

Your 2 cents is very welcome I might go google splitting and see what i can come up with too. I'm still yet to feel anything about what he said last night and he sounded very serious about wanting to leave me and he hasnt spoken to me since so hmmm...ill go do some research and let you know what i find. Thanks for replying and sorry you are feeling the same

[AlteredState01]

I found the term "splitting" when reading about BPD on PCentral's Conditions & Disorders site (I believe it was one of the links that led me to a Wiki site(?) explaining what "splitting" means). I had never heard of this term before used in connection with BPD.

I, too, will do a little more research and will post what I find.

A for you too!

AS

[AlteredState01]

Splitting is just another word for black & white thinking associated w/ BPD. Read Wiki "BPD" or "Splitting."

Ya know, maybe it's just our bodies on shut-down. I know my body/mind seems to shut down when it's been on overdrive for too long a time, and after a disasterous emotional "moment."

Come to think of it, these emotional voids may be the only complete solace I get. But, as is with everything else that comes along with this disorder, they come at the most inappropriate times. *sigh*

Originally Posted by Rachie

I had a fight with my boyfriend earlier and he was fully blowing up at me saying things like "you're a lazy f*cken c--- who doesnt do *****" "im going to pack my **** and ***** off" but while he was saying these things that would normally bring me instantly to tears i just sat there and quite clamly i responded to him, all i said was good pack your ***** and p*ss off i don't care and carried on with what i was doing and acting as if nothing was said to me at all...ive done this a few times when we have argued..so my question is, is this normal? does this happen to anyone else? Im still not really that upset either...why is it that sometimes when he tells me he wants to leave me because im such a ****** i cry and other times i couldnt give two f*cks what he did...i dunno

Hi Rachie

It sounds like it could be a healthy response to your boy friend who could be spliting you..

Since your strugging right now with adhd the things he said to you could be frustrations centered around some of your inabilites .I would guess.
our inabilities are Not our inner essence . they are our brains not working well and our emotions arising out of those difficulties.

Your not lazy and you do work and are. Correct? yes.
Its gonna take some time to change .

It sounds like hes not happy Rachie , And you may have to be willing to let him go.

You do not need to have somene who is disatisfied with you cuses at you and then threatenes to leave you and you beg him to stay.



You deserve better . I know having ADHD its VERY difficult to feel and think we would make great partners so we cling to what ever comes our way.

I find living alone better than putting up with the complaints,

If he ever treats you like that . just respond I have ADHD Im not lazey and Im working very hard on this . Its going to take some time.

If he cared about you hed start reading about adhd.


His treatment of you is Abusive Rachie. It woud be beter if he left you. Im sorry to say this but no one deserves to be called a lazey *****.


Splitting from my understanding is when you momenrairily see a person or place or a situation in terms of all or nothing . great or catestrophic . safe or threatening. Evil or angelic and respond in kind, to which view you hold, forgeting the other side or seeing a middle ground.

So those who in the 1930's saw thier investment crash and jumped to thier death were splitting. They were not able to see a light in the middle . They were to attached to living the good life and could not fathom, walking the streets bumbing socks form someone who froze to death one night . So they lept.

Keep that quiet inner strenth your building. If he leaves you'll get through it .
And hopefully no one will ever threaten to leave you again.

Good . Let him walk , MEAN it...... And KNOW you have a great future though it wil takesome work . It will get better.

You''ll be wiser in your choise of "maties" as well.

Now back I go.. out into the world of overtimulation......



Patricia

[ECHOES]

My therapist suggests it is defensive or resistant. Defensively taking myself 'away' to a safer place is one idea. Resisting exploring what is causing the intense emotions that precede the 'nothingness' is another idea. I suppose there are more, depending on the person. And I think it could be more than one thing.
Sometimes this feeling of 'nothingness' feels like a relief. Sometimes it feels like depression. Sometimes it feels like the flip side of anxiety.
Much to explore.

[Rachie]

sorry i took so long to respond everyone. Things are ok now, its just every now and then he flips out! he doesnt understand that im just one person i cant be expected to do the work of ten people! i know i could do more but at the moment im doing my best and doin what i can! i wish he would read up about my problems but he likes to think i just use it as an excuse, but never have i once said i have BPD its not my fault i get angry or i dont say i have ADHD its not my fault im lazy. and he provokes me alot of the times, its easier for him to just keep his mouth shut than it is me. and also if he wants the house to be "cleaner" than he should learn how to pick up after himself and not be a slob! ill just stop now because im starting to annoy myself...

[shezbut]

Hugs to you Rachie!

Your boyfriend was more than pissy, really, he was verbally abusive. I sincerely hope that he gets help with anger management. It would be much easier for you both. Rather than either of you blaming one another (or yourselves), you both can accept that you both need to work through things together...in order for your relationship to be happy & pleasing for you both.

I wish you the best. Take care!
Shez