[SpookyDoll]

Hey all,

Newbie here. Some borderline traits mixed with Scizoid/Avoidant.

Have a lot of trouble managing relationships with people. I have become totally avoidant and deliberately socially isolate myself. Its easier. I have always modified my external behaviour to be accepted by others but no matter how much personal modification I do its never enough for people so I am done with them.

One thing that angers me terribly is when people dont realise how much I hate being who I am and want to remove myself from being the way I am. I dont mean making suicide threats because I dont do that. What kills me is the way people imagine we enjoy being like this and want attention

If they could walk in our shoes for a day and se how exhausting it is and how much self conrol we need to employ just to contain our offensive personalities they would die of sock. It really grinds my gears how people misjudge us so that is why I have withdrawn from the world but they will not leave me in peace.

Yesterday someone wanted to call to my house (sibling duty call) I cant stand being just entertained out of duty so I managed to put off the person. THEN someone else that I had put off earlier (boyfriends friend whon wanted to call over when my boyfriend was at work to which i declined) came over anyway. He monopolosed the whole evening and stayed the night. My boyfriend got off work early and was there when the friend arrived unannounced. I contained my intense irritation. The friend was all dressed to impress. And I caught him taking some sneaky looks where he should not have been looking.

After a teeth gritting evening he then stayed the night. My BF had to be in work early and I drove him. The FRIEND was still in the house when I got home.

I want him out so I can have my house to myself. I am so angry.

[ECHOES]

It is so hard to have someone in our orbit when we want to be alone.
Are you seeing a therapist to help you learn to be you and to be able to tell others 'no'?

[SpookyDoll]

Thank you for your reply.

Not seeing a therapist, hoping to get that organised in the new year.

This person nearly sent me into a meltdown. I said no to his visit but he came anyway. Then he had car problems when he went to go, had to bring him to store to buy tools to fix car. I was psychotically angry inside but managed to conceal it I think. Got back he fixed the car. Then came back inside and dawdled for a couple more hours. He ignored EVERY cue and boundary to go home. I was raging inside and felt extremely violated. My boyfriend was at work after all.

I felt he knew how much I wanted him to go I got up and started to do housework and take calls but he still stayed and tried to help me.

Then he feigned phone problems. I thought I would go mad. Weather was snowing and I think he was hoping to be snowed in with us another day or two.

I badly needed my space. Do you know what I mean...For every forced social encounter I would need at least a few hours alone to mentally recover.

I was assertive to him but he deliberately ignored it all. I was determined not to explode for my boyfriends sake and I managed not to thankfully.

I cant stand my privacy boundaries being violated.

[ECHOES]

I would have felt extremely uncomfortable with someone ignoring my 'no' and having suspicious sounding issues afterward.
He has legs, he could have walked somewhere. Just because his car wasn't working didn't mean he gets to stay.
A therapist can help you learn to repeat yourself without exploding. Assertiveness means that your 'no' means 'no' whether the other accepts it or not. "I'm sorry your car isn't working, your phone isn't working, and it's snowing. I'm not up to company so you will have to leave now." Repeated until he leaves or you have to report him for tresspassing.

[SpookyDoll]

Thank you for your kind reply.