[justisntright]

So I myself have been in therapy for more than a year...started off as marriage counseling, then a need to see why I choose the women I do. Turns out I have some mommy issues that I try to resolve by picking women that are similar...which are usually selfcentered or don't put my needs on equal terms with their own. Been married three times.....trying to save the third. Obviously there is a lot more to this situation....but what I'm concerned with is I believe my wife suffers from BPD...while I'm no dr. I've been looking at myself and along with my own discoveries...I see my wife as having many symptoms of BPD. It really doesn't even matter what she has. Since I think that she fits the disorder what I need is how do I approach her with this. What do I say. Right now were living apart....we still talk but its strained. She tells me about all her anxiety and depression all of her feelings...she told me she even tried cutting...So I'm really concerned. What do I do...how do I do it? I'd be glad to give more info if asked.

[tryingtobeme]

you are in a tough position. Since she already talked to you about the anxiety, depression, and cutting, maybe try asking her if she would like to see a professional about it. My hope is since she can talk to you, maybe she will open up to therapist. Let her know you are there to support her, go with her to the therapist, do what ever you can to help her. Just getting her to take a step to talk to someone is a step in the right direction. I would make sure you get a therapist that specializes in BPD.

I have BPD and was with the wrong therapist, put on the wrong meds, and doing the wrong therapy. Now, that everything is straightened out, I feel ten times better.

Good luck.

[paddym22]

That is very good advice from Tryingtobeme, support is key. Since you have no official diagnosis it is vital to get one so that the right treatment can be offered. But you are doing a very good thing and she is lucky to have you. If she does have BPD as I have it is quite likely that her relationships with people will be quite strained and it is not necessarily her fault she just learnt how to communicate and share the wrong way. But if you can get her to see a therapist and she is diagnosed with BPD I would then look into DBT therapy and read up on the work of Dr Marsha Linehan she is one of the foremost experts on BPD. DBT is Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and is very supportive and basically helps a person to become less extreme and manage their emotions more effectively because in short it is our regulation of our emotions that is the most common problem. I wish you luck and all the best for a good outcome

Paddy

[jolly]

Been in a relatioship 6 years (recently seperated again for the 5th time) with a person who suffers from BPD.

The cutting is her way of getting your attention, she feels you are not there for her, not giving her the emotional support she needs....possibly!

Does she have an impulsive personality?
Does she have addictions? like alcohol, drugs, sex, spending etc.

Living with someone who has BPD is like living on a roller coaster ride....does this sound about right???