[by.grace]

Hi, I've done a lot of reading on a lot of sites & I can't find information on reducing bpd violence. I need to know how to avoid triggering someone's rages.

I know he doesn't really want to hurt me yet something will upset him & he will lose control in a flash. When he's in that place, he believes God wants him to kill me for my sins & has come close.

When he regains control, he's appalled by his actions & wants to kill himself & has come close.

I can never predict exactly what's going to set him off, however we have developed some coping skills.

"Don't believe everything you think!", he trys to remind himself, &
"You don't have to hate as strong as you love!" He wrote each phrase down the first time he heard me say it. They have gotten him past a particular trigger sometimes.

I get so scared when I see his control slipping & then his face & everything about him will change. I'll see that other man loathing me! Then I just pray to stay alive until my friend comes back again.

[Hopeful78]

by.grace, I think maybe you should look into getting a book called Stop Walking On Eggshells. I mentioned it in another post somewhere - it gives steps for the "non-BP" or the person involved with the borderline person. Maybe it would be a good starting point. I've found it to have a lot of valuable information.

It's sounds as if your in a really dangerous situation, but I can understand that you want to help your friend. Just please be careful.

[by.grace]

Thank you, I've been looking for that book.

BTW, he has now been clean & sober for more than a month.
He is in a residential treatment program & loving it.
His meds are balancing out now that he gets them regularly.

He looks so much younger & happier when I visit.

He is very grateful & so am I. For the first time in years, I feel safe.

im bpd...and i never assume what god wants me to do nor am i violent...im moody...and i withdraw....these are concious choices hes making...hes abusive and knows he can get away with it....and sounds like there is some psychosis involved....bpd is not a break in reality....you may be in danger

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by by.grace

Hi, I've done a lot of reading on a lot of sites & I can't find information on reducing bpd violence. I need to know how to avoid triggering someone's rages.

I know he doesn't really want to hurt me yet something will upset him & he will lose control in a flash. When he's in that place, he believes God wants him to kill me for my sins & has come close.

When he regains control, he's appalled by his actions & wants to kill himself & has come close.

I can never predict exactly what's going to set him off, however we have developed some coping skills.

"Don't believe everything you think!", he trys to remind himself, &
"You don't have to hate as strong as you love!" He wrote each phrase down the first time he heard me say it. They have gotten him past a particular trigger sometimes.

I get so scared when I see his control slipping & then his face & everything about him will change. I'll see that other man loathing me! Then I just pray to stay alive until my friend comes back again.

My dear, his rage is about him only. It is for him to watch and control, not you. It takes work with a professional, it isn't something you and he can work on by yourselves. Rage comes from within and needs to be examined and explored every time it happens, so it can be understood, so the fears can be understood.

I'm glad he is getting help and his meds are helping too.

Another book I liked is: "get me out of here" by Rachel Reiland. Her own account of her BPD and treatment.