This evening was horrible.

I didn't even seem to have a trigger, and I just suddenly felt super depressed, wanted to self-harm & also felt suicidal. However, in my room in the hospital there isn't anything to hurt myself with. So I've been biting myself, and scratching. I was crying too. Just wanted to die, but couldn't.

I talked to my nurse about how I was feeling, which helped a bit. Now I'm just starting to level off...still feeling down though.

I just feel hopeless. My doc says it will take MONTHS before I notice any changes in my Borderline behaviours. It's very discouraging. :/

How do you guys deal with your feelings of depression, suicidal urges, or urges to self-harm?

[always ignored]

*sobs
i am no place to respond, just know you are NOT alone and i am so sorry
*hugs

[El-ahrairah]

I don't know how i get by... I guess I just cry and punch things and abuse alcohol

[sanityseeker]

I cry a lot sometimes. I talk to myself about how I am a survivor and that this will pass and I will be okay and that this isn't me talking but the depression or the anxiety or whatever else I can credit for my downer thinking. Then I find a distractions. I might write about how I am feeling but not if it just prolongs the suffering. I might surf some youtube for some comedy clips. I just keep trying anything that comes to mind until I start to feel better.

I don't validate any of the downer thoughts or temptations. I affirm my right to feel better and my power to get me there one step forward at a time.

I am glad you are feeling a bit better. It is going to take time for you to get back on your feet but you will get there. You are one day closer today then you were yesterday. Be patient and kind to yourself. Let the healing come. Invite it everyday.

We are all pulling for you. Be kind to yourelf hun.

[ECHOES]

My doc says it will take MONTHS before I notice any changes in my Borderline behaviours. It's very discouraging.

At this time this seems too long of a wait. You want so much to feel better now.
But it is also ENcouraging, because it says that you will feel better. Focus on that instead, "I am going to feel better." I love what sanityseeker says about feeling better: "Invite it every day." That's a real thing to do, to stop and think about feeling better and that you welcome it.

Diversions can help. They can turn your focus from one thing to another.
Do you have activities that you can do?
Listening to calm music or ocean sounds while you rest can help ease tension.

Acknowledge to yourself that you have tension that feels uncomfortable.
It feels uncomfortable, it feels unbearable, it feels frightening.
It doesn't require action. You don't have to do anything.
They are uncomfortable feelings that are difficult--but not impossible. They aren't always there, but they have come....and they will go away. You don't have to do anything and they will still go away because all feelings pass.
When they are there, acknowledge them and go on. "Hello fear. While you are here, stay out of my way, I have things to do."

Thank you everyone for your honest responses. BPD is definitely a tough journey...and since I'm finally starting to try to overcome it, it's SO HARD. Sometimes it seems like it was a lot easier when I just gave in to the unhealthy lifestyle. Trying to change it is so difficult! :/

I have been asking my doctor for outside walking passes, which I lost a couple of weeks ago when I ran away. He tells me he can't trust me because if I feel bad like I did yesterday, I would just do something impulsive like go to a drug store and OD, or jump in front of traffic. (He is right). I told him though, that outside walking passes would make me feel better, and if I'm feeling good then I should be able to go outside. But he can't take the risk yet.

We are going to work on how I respond to these thoughts. If I can respond without hurting myself (biting, scratching, etc) and stop being so impulsive, then we will talk about outside walking passes.

It's just so difficult to wait sometimes. I haven't been outside in almost 2 weeks.

Keep on working it, Melissa. You will get there.

[sanityseeker]

Like Byz says Melissa.... you will get there. We are all pulling for you.

[sugahorse1]

Hey there Mel - feeling any better this morning? One thing I'm HAVING to learn is patience - it sucks, it's painful. But there has to be a greater purpose why we are going thro this.

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Hey there Mel - feeling any better this morning? One thing I'm HAVING to learn is patience - it sucks, it's painful. But there has to be a greater purpose why we are going thro this.

Thanks Sugahorse, I am feeling better this morning. Just a bit tired. I suppose the key is taking it day by day, and when these urges DO come up...I must either talk with somebody about how I'm feeling or do things in order to distract myself. I successfully did this yesterday, which was pretty cool.

[sanityseeker]

Awesome Melissa. One day at a time. One overcoming moment at a time. You are getting the taste of victory. It takes good hey! Happy day. Will it forward.