-sighs- so many thoughts/things/feelings going on

Through my mind, i have so much going on. I think I just need to rant to get it out, maybe then I will feel better. Also any thoughts or ideas from others could help also. Some of this could possibly be triggering.

First off, the one thing that's been circling my mind for the longest time is, my pdoc wont diagnose me right. Determined I have everything BUT bpd. And I try every which way I know possible to tell my pdoc that I've had all those other diagnosis's before, none of them quite fit me. I was hospitalized then moved to a state hospital for borderline personality disorder. That's where I learned about it. Finding it quite accurate. But my pdoc now refuses to keep that diagnosis even though it's the most fitting. The pdoc has changed my diagnosis like i used to change shirts! (lol, i used to change my clothes a lot throughout the day on my summer breaks). Venturing back into diagnosis's I was given before bpd. Bipolar to MDD to SAD to PTSD to a few others. And I have underlying issues which I think my pdoc refuses to take note of. But it doesn't really bother me as much as the misdiagnosing being done. And the two questions i'm asked are about if I have sib'ed in the last week, or tried to end myself, (when I retell what i feel is the accurate diagnosis) and when I say no, it's dismissed. I'm fed up.. but I hate going to someone new, so I don't wish to even look into somewhere else that could take me.
And then i think, most of me is kept inside me, so how would a ten minute visit really give much of an insight on me.

Next.. I was wondering (and finally got around to finding a list on symptoms; because i once knew them by heart, but have forgotten) if the self injurious behaviors were a must to still have the diagnosis. And I began reading ECHOES sticky'd post on here.
I didn't even do that when I had the bpd diagnosis. But I have came acrossed that exact question in my mind so much in the past month. I also have other questions like "why" and "Who am i?" and such. That I can't find an answer to. So the thought only keeps getting stronger because i can't find the answer.
And it's like.. okay.. lets say i'm not bpd.. what other diagnosis is there that would be accurate? Because I am as 98% of the description states on bpd. the only two symptoms I don't DO is trying to hurt myself or end it all. (though there are sometimes I feel like it. I still don't DO it.). I could quote (which i was gonna do. lol) every thing that is accurate on the descriptions, but then I would be with one VERY long post.
Such as the doing great (or the "perfect patient" so to speak), and all is good, and suddenly isolation is wanted, and i feel as if everything I do is not good enough, and just a failed attempt at something that could of been great. And i've always had unstable emotions. Changing within the seconds, but not to where it is like mood swings. Because every change isn't a drastic change, it's changed by whatever is going on. Or how I view something going on.

I was gonna write more, but i'm getting to tired to focus, so sleep is next on my list. lol

Lexi232. The best advice I could give you is to find a new pdoc even though that is not what you want to do. You have to be able to trust what your pdoc is saying and you have to trust they have your best interest at heart, yours doesn't sound like he does. Also get a good T for therapy, if you don't already have one. The two of them can work together to get a proper diagnosis.

Thanks, I guess i'm just gonna have to work myself up to changing pdocs, It's not like he knows things that's hard for me to tell people, so it wouldn't be a big loss(i mean the last time i saw him, he didn't even remember me, and asked "have I seen you before?" me: "O.o yeah........ why?...... i mean.... i think... so..." him: "you've seen me before?" ... me: "O_o ... *eyes him better* yeah... ... *quieter* ...haven't i?" he did't respond) ... i guess it's just meeting new people and unsure about things.. and change...