[rebnsof]

Hello everyone. It's my first post on the BPD section... I realised a few days ago that it may be what is "wrong" with me. Neither of the other things that i thought i could have were fitting like this, I've been confused for such a long time.. My therapist never said anything about what i could have. I think she's not being the therapist i should have at this moment.. But I like her too much.
Anyways, i learnt about bpd by accident and things were really filling some gaps. I made a research about it and it was me in all the descriptions, and then i found this website: bpdfamily.com
There was this article about how people who have bpd love.. Talking about women, especially. That was my story. I even felt attacked, insulted. I felt like i was some sort of a monster.
I had the stupid idea of showing it to my boyfriend. I am kinda obsessed about telling him everything.. Even if it's really bad. When he read it, he was like ... so surprised, and his face suddenly had a new expression. As if he was really angry. He was seeing me as that monster described and he said that it was written for him.
He's been acting weird now.

I took a look to the BPDFamily Boards in the relationship part. People talking about how they could like survive so well without their bpd "loved one", how they should have left the relationship earlier cause those bpd guys can't love..

I'm in a bad shape. I do love. I know I do. More than most of the people are capable of. Even though I make awful mistakes. Even though I am really really angry sometimes. But I do love. I do love... It is love...
Why do they say that it's not?! Why are they taking it away? That it's some kind of... I don't know. This is hurting me too much..

What do you think about this... love thing?...

Hugs

[lotusflames]

fierst things first, dont try and diagnose yourself! lots of people have BPD traits but it does NOT mean you have bpd. bpd is one of those diagnosis that they give to be people who self harm (generally) and those whoa re difficult to treat. It's not something to wish on yourself.

That said, if you thin it's an issue see your doctor. Lots of dr's and T's don't work on a dx but on symptoms which may be why your t hasn't mentioned it. That and they may not be qualified to dx you as a T.

BPD'ers are not monsters, we're not honestly, it's just we feel things so much more intensley than most people.

[rebnsof]

I'm going to discuss it with her on Thursday... Anyways, it may sound arrogant, but i truly believe that I finally realised what is wrong with me. I have a lot of psychology books (not general books, but the ones that therapists study on college - my father is a therapist) and, besides having studied them some time ago, I re-checked them on BPD.
Everything is making sense now. My boyfriend says the same thing... And i don't have just one or two symptoms, I feel like it's describing me. They also (in the books) report clinical cases and I feel really close to some... I am starting to understand how I work even when I'm not noticing it.

But what about love?... What is happening?...

[Perna]

I don't think there's a whole lot of angst in Love; energy and motivation, support and positive action but I don't know that hurt, pain or fear is in there. One thing I use to get confused was my love and the other person's love for me. My love (for the other) shouldn't hurt me (or them) and I shouldn't be worried about their love, that's their problem.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by rebnsof

There was this article about how people who have bpd love.. Talking about women, especially. That was my story. I even felt attacked, insulted. I felt like i was some sort of a monster.
I had the stupid idea of showing it to my boyfriend. I am kinda obsessed about telling him everything.. Even if it's really bad. When he read it, he was like ... so surprised, and his face suddenly had a new expression. As if he was really angry. He was seeing me as that monster described and he said that it was written for him.
He's been acting weird now.

I took a look to the BPDFamily Boards in the relationship part. People talking about how they could like survive so well without their bpd "loved one", how they should have left the relationship earlier cause those bpd guys can't love..

I'm in a bad shape. I do love.

Hugs

Many bpd's love!

We have difficulty with it, that's all. How dare anyone tell us we can't love?!

I too bear the burden of feeling like a monster and feeling like all I ever do is hurt people.

It is a vicious cycle when I already feel unlovable and unloving and then non bpd's judge me this way.

I am so sorry your bf is acting different.

That must really hurt a lot.

I do understand that bpd is hard on others.

It is hard on both us and on others.

Many "nons" (not all) think that it is all us and not them.

Not true.

That attitude from them only hurts us more.

ty for sharing,

Billi