I'm not so sure

After reading all these symptoms I have pretty much all of them with the exception of having the same job for 9yrs. I also like being independent doing things alone instead of hanging out with friend. I like to observe a situation before I join it. I don't know whats wrong with me when I was married I didn't really feel like I was my own person. I did everything for my ex even when he worked only 6-7 yrs in the 10yrs he lived with me. I say that because I always had a job I always took care of myself I was independent, but emotionally I wasn't. I always needed approval from someone I always felt guilt and loneliness. Now my emotions are just going crazy I'm just trying to stay happy but I feel sad, obsessed, guilty, angry, lonely, and just plain confused. I don't know what to do or how to feel anymore.

#1: do you have a psychiatrist? REALLY a good idea for meds, especially if there is bipolar mixed with the bpd.
#2: can you prioritize your needs? When I read "I don't know what to do", I know it would help to sort out what to do about what?
#3: You feel what you feel, don't you? Maybe the question is more about how to change how you feel to be more in control of it?
Glad you're here, and tell us more!

1. You seem to be feeling a huge majority of thoughts at once, does that sound correct? Like thousands of thoughts are rushing through your mind but you can't seem to hold onto one?

2. You need approval from others to feel happy? Its not like you go about saying "I feel fat" or "I am a loser" but if you do say it, you would feel distressed if someone didn't tell you otherwise? even if it was a lie?

3. Do you feel that while your with others, particularily when you used to be with your ex, you became a kind of chameleon? Where you just felt what you were almost suppost too, or what he was, and then when you were alone you felt like that was the real you? Even if you couldn't understand the real you?

4. You mentioned that you like being independant, over chilling with friends. Do you ever feel when you are with friends, that you just want to be by yourself?

5. Do you find that once a sad, angry or powerful emotion is stimulated you find it hard to clot it? For example, you feel sad for a moment, then you think about it more deeply and other factors of your life that upset you and then you feel worsened?

These are the kind of things i feel as a borderline,
and we can support you here,
in many ways