[kalisha36]

I knew it had to come to this...My heart is racing my brain full of intruding thought's my eye's red ready to burst with tears, however I feel that my stomach could burst with rage? OMG....It hurts, yet it dose not...It's pain, yet it's freedom..It's understanding but it's confusion...Back to my own prison that lives with in me, my own mind!!!!!!!
How do you get rid of the irritant when your the one who is your own freaking problem? I feel sick

Allot of memory work is disturbing me, however having to push it all down to give my family my support and play with my kids and luv them like I do cuz they deserve it is actually starting to short circuit my brain....Spinning.........

[cluelessgluten]

I wish I knew. It hurts going back and revisiting old wounds. You seem so frantic. We all offer compassion but it still hurts. My horoscope said to llook to the future and tell the past be history. I thought it made sense. But some one should tell what ever controls the stuff going on inside my head. Hang in there and keep going to T.

[kalisha36]

Thanks,

I know you understand.....I just feel so empty, upset, aggravated, irritated...after not seeing T for a couple of weeks, seems that dunno I was relieved but then cuz there's comfort with her I am upset. I had to tell her that I don't trust her...Just to let her know I can't trust her She tried to tell me how she won't leave me...How she's going to be there for me in the long hall and we have a long way to go!....I started to cry I don't like crying it's against my head and eyes lol!!! ARG....I hate counting on people....HATE IT!! I know she's good, however I know as soon, soon as I count on her she will be gone....My own mother left me when I was just over two...I begged her to take me and my brother...She just said she would be back for us...Just couldn't until damage was done...BLAH

[cluelessgluten]

Why do they do that. Mine left and dumped us off at my dads to run around the country with her new man. I swear she was trying to be Liz Taylor. He didn't want kids cause he already raised his own. Then after we were put thru hell my the step monster she comes in and "saves the day". Really now

[kalisha36]

(((((((((((Clueless))))))))))))

I am so sorry....I dunno why they do it, but they sure as hell deny it...Okay well my mom tried as hard as hell to reprogram me over and over to believe what she wanted me to believe as truth...UGH...It's what has taken so long cuz I had such a bond for my family and my family did no wrong!!! My mother professional manipulator arg...

However I know your stepmother did anything but save the dayI am glad that your still here!!! I am glad that your fighting to be better parents then they were!

My mother justified it as the fact that if she didn't leave my dad would have killed her in the morning? Okay so leave your almost 2 year old boy who just lost his eye to cancer and your almost 3 year old daughter with that man is that reasonable? Sigh....

Hugs my friend

[cluelessgluten]

It was a mistype my mother came in and so called saved us from the step monster.

[cluelessgluten]

Your mother makes as much sense as mine. She tried to make us believe she intended to come back to us a along.

[kalisha36]

oh, oh k....SRY

[cluelessgluten]

I didn't see eye to eye with my step father either, but that was mostly me being a teen ager. So I ended going back to my dads because I got into it with step dad so much. My mom wouldnt let me bring my rifle with me because she thought I might use it on step monster.

[cluelessgluten]

Sorry I didn't mean to steal your tread. That is just one of those sore spots for me.

[bpd2]

When emotions are this high...this is when "why" doesn't get me anywhere. THIS is where DBT came in and "saved the day" for me.

DBT definitely doesn't have all the answers, but if you don't already have habitual soothing and mindfulness techniques that you do, I think you should ask your therapist to help you work with that. In my opinion, if therapists are asking us to do trauma work, they had better have done a lot of coping skills with us first.

So.....when you are this way--sad, worried, mad, regretful, victimized, overwhelmed....then: what is it that your therapist would want you to do to help yourself?

Mine would tell me:
1) do mindful breathing.
2) after I have my breath under control, do a chain analysis
3) do mindful breathing--cause I'll be breathing as fast as a rabbit's heartbeat after working on the chain analysis
4) remember that it only lasts a short while, maybe only a couple of hours, usually gone by morning
5) get ice cubes and wrap them in a thin towel and wrap them around my hands (I twist my hands when I am anxious, and this cools me down and makes me want to move my hands more slowly....doesn't feed the bad energy)
6) if that makes me shiver, get a warm wash cloth and lay it across my eyes or hold it there.
7) breathe......lots of breathing, less thinking
8) tell myself the bipolar joke--"You don't like being bipolar? Just wait!"

Hang in there! Breathe!

[kalisha36]

By all means you NOT at all stealing this thread....I appreciate your being here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cluelessgluten]

Thank you I just feel pathetic Sometimes. You have real problems and here I am whining cause mom left me. So what someone said some thing that hurt my feelings I just need to be a man and get over myself. I am so pathetic

[kalisha36]

YOUR not pathetic....I so appreciate hearing you express yourself!!! I mean it's harder for MEN I think to express themselves and knowing a little bit about yourself because you have shared somethings, it's been very hard for YOU!!! Please don't compare yourself...Our emotions our physical stability and make-up and what we allow others to know about us are all so different!!!! Your amazing, compassionate and HONEST here with what imperfections you have and what your trying to work on!!! Please know your pain, your healing, frusturation is just as important as anyone elses....You know a mother's love is unreplacable....There is something so special about a mother and child's BOND!!!! Just like a daughter looking up to her father, there is something to a son and mom relationship too...GEEZ kids should just be happy and luved....SIGH.....