[widgets]

I would describe myself as manic or depressed right now.
But i'm not in a good place.
My best friend in the world, we're practically brother and sister, we lived and worked together for 2 and half years and even now we dont we see each other more than most married couples. Has just begun kinda seeing this guy and i am PETRIFIED of losing him.
Not losing him in a way of never seeing him again.
But even if he is with this 'Adam,' for a few hours while i am lonely and could be at his house, it will tear me apart.
I've felt like this before, and i tried to pretend i didnt to the point where i could explode, but i'm going to be honest now.
SO MANY things are going through my head, scary things, every option that i cant think of to make sure he doesnt start a relationship with Adam. I've tried persuading him that Adam is a **** but he disagrees, which is fair enough, Adam is actually quite a nice bloke, and Robert goes on about how important it is that his friends like Adam especially me and that if we didnt get on he couldnt see him, but i dont want robert to resent me, so i need to do something so they split up without robert thinking it was down to me.
BUT NO what i actually need to do is get over it, i love robert to bits and here i am trying to do everything i can to make sure he ISNT HAPPY, that not right, i am being so horrible and can only think of myself.
I dont think this is anything to do with Bipolar, i think this is just the fact i am an insecure ***** who is so scared of being alone that i'll go to any lengths, thus hurting my best friends. I've always been like this, which is why i cling on to the friends i do have for dear life cause no one else likes me and vice versa, I hate people until they make a specific effort for me not to hate them!! Not many people do that cause they realise i'm not worth knowing!

[bpd2]

Dear Widgets...I am worn out at the moment, but I want to let you know that I am very sorry you are suffering with this right now. It's what we do, and there are skills we can learn to help us cope with it. Hang in there!

[kalisha36]

Widgets

I totally understand. Ugh what a crap hole to be in. However if you and Robert are and have been close just talk to him...Tell him hey I just don't want to lose you, however this is the way I am feeling...I know it may NOT be logical or right whatever, however your my best friend I care for you whatever your feelings are for him be HONEST....I mean he's some one you care for deeply use the truth....Do your best to just tell him the best what's going on, the madness in your brain can be stopped and I betcha that this can become a more reasonable situation for you to handle? Just try if you can? I may be completely off here but if your as close as you think you are he's going to be completely concerned about wanting to make sure that you all can be honest and not making you be hurt over this relationship that he's involved in

[Uprwestsdr]

This is my experience. The best friend I've ever had was a man named Jim who stuck by me through two decades. The relationship is over and he won't answer an email and it's all my fault.

I also suffer from depression and for a few years, the depression got worse and worse. During this time I became an angry, needy person who became very difficult to be around. For years Jim had gone every weekend halfway across the country to see a women he was involved with. Of course I didn't want him to see her and mostly I just accepted it, although sometimes I'd say something catty about her.
As my depression got worse, I did too. Jim decided to move to live with his girlfriend and at the end, we had a huge fight. He never spoke to me again.

After he left my wonderful psychiatrist found the perfect cocktail that restored me to sanity. I literally woke up one morning another person. I viewed the world differently, if I felt anger I no longer had a need to express it.

But it was too late and what I learned is that I'm always responsible for what I say and do. I don't blame him for reaching the point that he couldn't stand it any longer.
I didn't know about bpd. If I had I would have sat down and gone over my reactions. And knowing I had this problem, I could have chosen to respond differently.

We may have a disease but we're also responsible for getting treatment for it as a way of handling it. I ended up alone and miserable because I didn't know what was wrong. I hope you don't too.