[ChaoticMind80]

I think the one thing that really gets under my skin is when those who are trying to be supportive like my boyfriend, tries to tell me he understands what BPD is, and he knows what Im going to say and how Im going to react to certain things. He says that I repeat myself constantly, when Im trying to explain how Im feeling, or why something offended me, etc. But, does he REALLY get me or does he just understand the "skim-the-surface" crap?

If I wanna bring something to his attention, I feel like he doesnt want to hear it, as Ive probably mentioned it before and Im sure I sound like a broken record. Sometimes I feel like maybe what I have to say really isnt as important as I believe it to be, so @ times when Im speaking, Ill say "aww nevermind, its not important" which really makes him mad, but I just feel that nobody really understands my peeves, the lil things that set me off. Why I REALLY CANT just control some of the mean & vicious things that come out of my mouth, or how paranoid I am @ times. I cant just lay in bed @ times and fall asleep, sometimes I will lay in there and a million things run through my head and Ill want or need to speak on them, even if its 5am. Am I tryin to start an arguement? NOPE. But damn youd think I was. 1-because its 5 am and here I am bs'n like its noon. and 2-because maybe the topic which is brought up has been mentioned before or its something that he has said or done that has got under my skin. Am I placing blame on him for all fights or disagreements? NOPE. But a relationship does have 2 sides to every story. Am I the one who starts the majority of the fights? Yes. I like to think, overanalyze, and speak on things, even @ the most innapropriate times & places. How in the world am I to get things off of my chest, and keep from holding things in, if I cant speak on things, no matter how far-fetched, annoying, ridiculous, offensive or repetative they become. Ugh, how frustrating!!! Im rambling, but Id like some input if yall dont mind. Thanks!!!!

[tattoogirl33]

Have you tried keeping a Journal? I have found that even just writting things down can satisfy my need to "get it all out" until I have someone to actually say it to. It also helps me sort through a lot of the thoughts I'm having so I don't sound "stupid" when talking to others.. IDK this is just what I do...

[ChaoticMind80]

Yes, I do keep a journal. Its so weird to me when I write in my journal I can go on forever, just venting and then a day or 2 or even a week later Ill go back and read what I wrote down and it seems like Im reading a complete strangers journal. Like how could that be ME that wrote that. some things are so strange, off-the-wall, unrealistic, mean & cruel. ugh, I just dont understand myself sometimes.

[khansmom]

My boyfriend once told me that "You always have an excuse". I am afraid a middle aged "normal" male raised with old fashion values in middle America will never understand me.

How long have you been in this relationship?

[Uprwestsdr]

What works the best for me is to keep BPD out of my relationships as much as possible. As a recovering alcoholic I know that the only people who understand my diseased thinking is another alcoholic. The same is true for BPD ...it's pointless to try to explain or work through issues with someone who will never really get it. In the end, I may have these diseases but I'm the one who chooses my words and actions.

[bpd2]

Originally Posted by ChaoticMind80

I think the one thing that really gets under my skin is when those who are trying to be supportive like my boyfriend, tries to tell me he understands what BPD is, and he knows what Im going to say and how Im going to react to certain things. He says that I repeat myself constantly, when Im trying to explain how Im feeling, or why something offended me, etc. But, does he REALLY get me or does he just understand the "skim-the-surface" crap?

If I wanna bring something to his attention, I feel like he doesnt want to hear it, as Ive probably mentioned it before and Im sure I sound like a broken record. Sometimes I feel like maybe what I have to say really isnt as important as I believe it to be, so @ times when Im speaking, Ill say "aww nevermind, its not important" which really makes him mad, but I just feel that nobody really understands my peeves, the lil things that set me off. Why I REALLY CANT just control some of the mean & vicious things that come out of my mouth, or how paranoid I am @ times. I cant just lay in bed @ times and fall asleep, sometimes I will lay in there and a million things run through my head and Ill want or need to speak on them, even if its 5am. Am I tryin to start an arguement? NOPE. But damn youd think I was. 1-because its 5 am and here I am bs'n like its noon. and 2-because maybe the topic which is brought up has been mentioned before or its something that he has said or done that has got under my skin. Am I placing blame on him for all fights or disagreements? NOPE. But a relationship does have 2 sides to every story. Am I the one who starts the majority of the fights? Yes. I like to think, overanalyze, and speak on things, even @ the most innapropriate times & places. How in the world am I to get things off of my chest, and keep from holding things in, if I cant speak on things, no matter how far-fetched, annoying, ridiculous, offensive or repetative they become. Ugh, how frustrating!!! Im rambling, but Id like some input if yall dont mind. Thanks!!!!

There's a book I want you to look for "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. It has helped me enormously with just this problem. It is, however, extremely difficult for a borderline to do, and I spent months on it with a therapist.

[ChaoticMind80]

Originally Posted by khansmom

My boyfriend once told me that "You always have an excuse". I am afraid a middle aged "normal" male raised with old fashion values in middle America will never understand me.

How long have you been in this relationship?

Ive been in this relationship almost a year. Id say about 10 months now. Ive known him forever though, like 5 years, lost touch though and back in touch. He is a good man, one that would never abuse me, or treat me with disrespect. He works hard, and is caring. But in my mind, hes a man, one that has options. So of course, Im always saying to myself "what if"...big no-no but I have trouble not doing it.

[ChaoticMind80]

Originally Posted by bpd2

There's a book I want you to look for "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. It has helped me enormously with just this problem. It is, however, extremely difficult for a borderline to do, and I spent months on it with a therapist.

Thank you, I wrote that down, and Ill look into that book, and if I dont, my sister will for me, shes always on the lookout for good books for me to read. Ill have to mention it to her.

[bpd2]

Originally Posted by ChaoticMind80

Thank you, I wrote that down, and Ill look into that book, and if I dont, my sister will for me, shes always on the lookout for good books for me to read. Ill have to mention it to her.

It's very short--More encouragement to get it! And there is a workbook, if you decide you like it.