[willowtrees10]

Hi
I am new to this thread.
I have been treated for borderline DID and PTSD. Here is the thing. I constantly having suicidal ideation. I am on a new antidepressent startedit in Jan. I want to be alone. I live with a woman who i 30+ yrs older then i am. She has temperment issues which really freak me out. I get scared and have been feling like im walking on egg shells. I told my T i am going to kill myself in may, but i am confilicted because i am afraid that it wont work and the person i live w/ daughter killed herself several yrs ago and it still bothers her my suicidality doesn't help. I am also struggling to stay conscious. When people talk to me i go away inside. i also constantly dig at my head and look for flakes. ( i know it is nasty). I have men issues. everytime i find a bf (which i want) i end up leaving him because i don't want to be around him all the time and the s*x just bores me and i dont get turned on after a while. but yet long for a relationship. i havent SI ed since 2004. I also use to have ED but am recovered. I am going to grad school and am graduating in may. I am terrified because i will need to get my licence (passed) and then find a job. I am afraid i am going to fail and not find a job. I know living w/the person that i live w/isn't healthy but as of right now i do not have a choice. I don't have money and i have a dog 2 cats and a bird. appartments are nto found of animals. What do you think?I need support. Oh. i also told mysupervisor that my T is breakin hippa by talking abot clients and one client is using her name. I told thearpist i told my supervisor and that supervisor is thinking about reporting her. T said that i have a personality disorder because i ratted her out. even though both of us sat (several months ago) and looked at bpd dx and she ssaid i don't have it. Im confused.
anyways. i guess it doesnt matter. but it doesn't help me when she said that i do and then that i don't. TC.
Thanks for reading.

[shezbut]

Hi willowtrees,

You sound pretty stressed out.

Do have other options in where to live? Have you made any friends while at school that you can trust?

Part of you mentioned SI in May, while another part worries that you won't be able to find a job after graduating in May. Btw, what is your degree in? Lots of majors do have companies waiting to hire graduates. Are you open to moving to a different area to find work?

The pet issue is tricky when you're needing to rent (apartment or house). Most places are unwilling to accept pets nowadays. Giving up the bird probably isn't a necessity, but the cats are often off-limits. Some places do accept pets, but it limits options. There *are* options though.

You aren't screwed ~ things will get better. It takes a little time to happen though. Try to get some positives out of your life now, to give you the strength during darker moments. Exercise (SO huge!), read, write, color, paint, dance, listen to favorite music (minus the "dark" stuff!), watch favorite movies, the list goes on and on! There's a link above that lists over 200 positive activities to make life more enjoyable. More can be added to that list. Volunteering can help a lot (a lot of options out there!) too.

Best wishes!

[bpd2]

Hi willowtrees--I'm glad you're posting, glad that you are looking for answers. The best answers fit the conditions you're in............so, that means that the ones you find with people there will be the best. You got ta work with what you have: this may mean giving pets to friends, it may mean living in a dorm until you find a place you want to be in, it may mean looking more closely at opportunities within your field in terms of part-time job availability, it may mean looking for any part-time job you can get while you stretch to make your life work better.....?