Manipulation Love & Hate

Sometimes I feel like manipulating peple is a gift and a curse. It has kept me out of some very negative consequences in the past (yet its "saving" me from things that my other BPD symptons caused), but day to day, its killing my marriage. I ask my husbnand to do a lot of things for me, and I tell him he can always say no. He usually ends up doing it, and just complaining about it. I just repeat over and over "You COULD have said NO if you really didn't want to do it!" Then he thinks its all his fault for saying yes in the first place. No, he shouldn't be saying the mean things he says to me sometimes, but am I telling the truth?? can he really say no? In theory - yes. He can. However, that won't stop me from begging and pleading and making him feel guilty until he changes his mind. One part of me says, well, you have a right to defend your case! The other part sees the reality that I'm not really giving him an option to say no. So in the end he just does what I want.
Yet, I can't stop myself from asking in the first place all the time.

Manipulation does nothing to help my relationships (most of the time).

How do others with BPD feel about the manipulation "skills" they have (if you have that symptom)

i've been called a master manipulator on numerous occasions, including by my social worker who i loved. i think it's something a lot of people with bpd do.

some of the stuff i've done / said to stop people from leaving are horrific but i did them anyway. it's ok for me to sit here now and say it but at the time i dont see it. it's so black and white

I know what you mean! Its interesting that later on I can go back and see what I did wrong. Yet, during the moment I just don't see it. Its also hard for me not to think in black and white. I don't understand shades of grey. I swear sometimes I need an ipod app to let me punch in an analysis of good and bad things to see if I should really be angry with someone...
but I probably wouldn't listen to it anyway. *sigh*

I have BPD....but,I don't do that.I don't yell at people.Sometimes I don't state my needs.Then I feel a little resentful,because my needs weren't met.I may sulk a bit...since ...in my head...I expect a person knows my needs?....In reality...they don't.It sucks for people.I call it 'mind-reading.I expect others can read my mind and know my feelings...and I assume I can read theirs.I am always wrong about both.It sucks for them....it sucks for me.It isn't any fair.But the more I recognize it...the more opportunity I will have to change.Meantime...I will have to apologize ...ALOT.