chronic emptiness

i always feel like something is missing. also im afraid people are going to leave.then there is the self harm. ive been in therapy for years, been on countless meds and many hospitalizations. im going through another med change so all my symptoms are flaring up. big time. but i always feel like something is missing. things are nver just right. i havent found anyone or thing to fill it. i need to feel better soon. how long does it take before you start to feel better?

Chrise-
I can't specifically answer your question, as I am in a similar place myself. In fact, I was just diagnosed with BPD yesterday....I just wanted to say that I know what that chronic emptiness felt like for me: always doubting myself, seeking intensity in order to feel alive, changing my values and friends depending on who I was dating at this time....and then I would blame them for stifling me. I wish you well.

That is a tough question to answer. What I'm beginning to realize is that I need to be the one to fill the emptiness. No, I haven't figured out how to do that yet. But no one can do it for me.

I think making little changes here and there help. Just want you to know you are not alone.

When I feel that way, and come out of it, I realize it is because I adopted a defense mechanism in childhood of "not-thinking" what I really did think, because expressing my real thoughts was highly dangerous. So, in fear that I would say something for which I would get severely punished, I "forgot" my real thoughts about things. If you cannot think what you really think, how can you not feel something is missing?