BPD feelings and Behaviours

I have issues. Only since I started therapy with this past therapist did significant acting out borderline behaviors from almost the very beginning. Some of which are insecure attachment behaviours like push pull, quitting therapy in usually in a I am defective and need to leave only to crawl back in a day or two and ask for forgiveness stuff started. Paranoid feelings about what she thinks of be because of the sexual stuff. Watching her body language often for signs. Applying self disclosures one specific about not putting up with a boyfriend due to his porn acting out behaviors.

I told my T that this does not go on in my other relationships. Her response was a sarcastic thanks.

My compartmental walls are high and thick. Does not stop the trapped emotions from taking control emotionally. Freeze Flight etc..

I would shake every time I left a session for over a year.

I have talked about being SA abused, Self Harm, Sexual issues in 12 step meeting for Sexual Addiction for over 10 years. It became nothing to talk about it. Never and emotion since the first time or two telling my story.

My first session with her I basically did a 5th step. I had done it so many times before. I did come across Aggressive. She spoke about aggression a lot.

I digress. Is it possibe to be BPD with only your therapist. If not BPD does CPTSD explain why it happened only to her. I have one other very close relationship plus a wife and two children though the relationship there is in its only set of compartments. There are issues to varying degrees but nothing like what the book says BPD is like in relationships. I keep everyone as a varying distance. T gets too close and I pushed her away and then I try to cling to her if she gets too far away.

I am not sure if it is possible to show symptoms of BPD only with your therapist, but maybe because it is therapy, it is more likely that certain buttons will be pressed and therefore more likely that these behaviours will be there. Or maybe we are more aware that out T's can dig deep and we try to defend ourselves.

I am good at putting up false fronts in most areas of my life, sometimes in T it is safer to let the guard down a bit and again maybe this is why certain behaviours are more likely to show themselves.