Cracks are showing..

So after 2 yrs with my pdoc, the cracks in my walls are beginning to show.

I had a session earlier this week which opened the flood gates so I emailed tdoc an epic account of how life is for me right now.

My next session is in 4 days and I.really.do.want.go and I know this is because of the email and how candid I was in it

Every bloody week is the same at this time. I start to get scared about going and have her stare at me until I say something - which can be half the session :roll eyes:

So now - as the same as every other week - I'm thinking of reasons/excuses for not going.

I'm so scared of myself.

(((Flooded)))

I don't know what to say. But I'm listening.

Thanks. No need to say anything. I'm just trying to sort myself out.

My T would not be able to sit still that long without me talking! He would be jumping out of his skin, and hopping around the room, and throwing dolls at me, and switching chairs, and looking down my throat with a flashlight. He makes really strong coffee, I can't fall asleep at night when I have some. I don't know why, he just feels like a sweet little brother to me. Not that I was ever that close to any real relative.

Flooded I know you see this as a pattern, because you've said that when you post about these times. Can you, for now, accept that this is your pattern right now and that you don't have to act on your feelings? When this happens could you say "Oh yeah, this is what happens with me." and not let it interfere with your being able to go to your appointments? Sometimes I go "in protest" and the first thing I say is, "I didn't want to come today." It's an honest and good place to begin.

Yeah, I've found a few patterns recently.

Anyway, the universe has stepped in and I definitely can't go to appt now

Saved by the cosmic bell?!

p.s. you mentioned a while ago watching rugby with your boys? I happened to see part of a match on TV, so did my T - WHAT FUN! Now THOSE are manly men playing a manly sport! Holy moly! American football looks like the freakin' Swan Lake ballet after that!

In my case, a kid with a head wound who can't go to school for a few days because he never sits down, runs everywhere and it was a mission just to get it glued back together and I really don't need a repeat of that this week!

Oh, hope he's better soon! Sounds like you will have your hands full.

It's like nothing has happened now. I wish he'd sit the f..k down as I'm getting nervous!

Sounds like it's time for some duct tape!!! Can't imagine keeping a kid calm for that long!
Hope things are going ok!

A new wii game sorted him out

That'll do it. New movies (rented at Redbox for $1) Can usually keep mine busy for a couple hours...