are we that difficult

to deal with? i mean really? i know we probably are but it bothers me today...

I know I am! But that's just me..

:-( i just want someone to understand me and be able to come over and hang out and not judge me for borderline or how i parent my son. i want to be able to talk about borderline, understand it, heal from it.
i feel so helpless

i understand, between crying at random commercials and having no patience for my son today.. (who is currently climbing inside his shopping cart and standing up in it, clapping and squealing mommy... he is so delighted with his unsafe behavior)

i think i am difficult, but i am also aware of how conscious of other peoples feelings i am, so i go out of my way to make sure other people are happy. i can't be that difficult, right? (minus the constant mood swings) lol.

in high school people would tell me they ahve to walk on egg-shells around me.. now i walk on egg-shells so they don't have to... it's tiresome

this is the thing: you are probably so much less difficult because of this.

most people dont give a second thought as to how difficult or not they are, they think that they have their wants and needs and a right to them. do borderlines think that way? not usually.

in my mind i think i need to put other people first but i get angry because what about MY needs? its an endless cycle, at least for me

just as a disclaimer ive not had an official diagnosis of bpd, but i see many of the traits of borderlines in myself. still not sure tho.

to all

I have been told for most of my life and quite often that I am difficult.

I too feel like I have to walk on eggshells and hide my condition from people.

I was diagnosed in 2001 or 2002 and went thru some discrimination in the medical and psychiatric field and this really discouraged me for a long time from getting any help.

I have been forced to help myself because I was virtually thrown out of the system because I was "too difficult to treat".

I have read about bpd and am doing some self-help.

sorry I am rambling.

Just feel for you and want so badly to give you hope and to let you know you are not alone!

Billi

i dont think so people who think so should read more about us and be supportive or walk away for a while, when i got diagnosed almost a year ago, but my t just told me recently because she knows i worry over every thing, i printed out the symptoms for him all he said was oh yea thats u alright i dont need to read anymore and dont use that as an excuse to be *****y, bummer

yes....but it aint so bad.....!

have a guess what I will say?...

after years of this...after years of fear.....
after years of not lookin' people in the eye
after years of lookin people in the eye.....

it only causes more emptiness....

it's not their fault

we somehow know a little bit more

we haf to..otherwise it would all be a waste of time

all those and these and feelings....

so they cannot keep up!.

it's not our fault!

*hugs*

I am feeling very much like this today, lots of questions.

I will reply again when I can think of something supportive and useful to say!

x

i understand

:-( i don't want to be so difficult. i hate splitting.

...I kinda don't mean to be amusing here...I have had a terribly distorted and uncomfortable week or year....

the bridges I have burned...?

I believe I don't burn them...I plant explosives and run for my life...

then I have a peek....with one eye..(cos I don't want to really see do I?)

...is there anything left...is even the river annihilated?

oh my god?

surely I must suck in the worst way...

to rebuild exploded bridges and the surrounding lanscape makes me wish I was in amongst it...

but somehow I know it wasn't my fault and maybe that bridge weren't so good for me...at least now I can't go there any more..

I just miss what might have been before the c4

hehe

and tears

sigh

I am VERY difficult. I hate it too. My friends/family nvr know what to expect from me with my moods.

Now that I'm diagnosed I'm much more conscious of it. I always used to blame the situation or other ppl. Now I know it's mostly me. It sucks.

i guess maybe self-awareness helps us NOT be SO difficult to deal with? perhaps? *sigh* i can only dream i suppose

I am just the same ...so please don't think I am better with a response..like this one...
cos I am still learning...

I call it the 'back foot'

I was already trying to catch up!...

before I even made half of 1 mistake..

nobody seen this happen cos they were busy...

it's like the world around me is a bad movie and no-one give me no lines damn it!

I keep calling out from my tiny room...."all the actors are crap!"
even though they know their lines..

I don't understand the plot mate?...I tell them

I'm gonna sit in make-up until it all makes sense!

but there is a plan...oh dear the BIG plan..

there is nothing....NOTHING wrong with being borderline...

It's just we are outnumbered....

everytime

We probably are difficult to non-BPDs, particularly those who don't understand it or know what it is. Being a BPD I don't know what it's like to be "non" interacting with us, but I imagine it is more difficult to be us than them. We are the ones that live the pain of the past, present and future 24/7 and don't get any let up. They at least can walk away. We can't.

I'm also a parent with BPD. Before I had kids, I was SO unwilling to take meds, get real help, do the hard work. But now that I'm a mom, I'd do anything at all to be a good mother, to not be the mom I had (who also has BPD). Meds help even me out so much now, so that I don't have the mood swings in front of my kids, so that I don't rage or fall into depression and anxiety as much.

DBT really, really, really, really helps, I've found. There's a couple DBT support groups through Yahoo, and one is a DBT class that's really structured. Don't know what I would do or how I would be without it.

We are at least blessed with being extraordinarily sensitive and compassionate souls ... for what it's worth.

Hey Morningcalm,

I can definitely post links (below). DBT has been so helpful ... as helpful as, if not more than, meds. Seriously amazing stuff in helping me to learn to work with my brain. (Yeah, I know I'm splitting and totally putting DBT on a pedastal like it's some kind of god - HA (with a bit of a sigh)!) So here are three links to the yahoo groups:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/dbtclass/

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...KILLS_SUPPORT/

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/bordertown_dbt/

I think that was very mean for them to say that!

I mean, have a flippin heart, ppl! That we're b*tchy and make up excuses. ARE NOT! We have real struggles.

It's hard enough when ppl criticise or observe, even, that we have problems, like worrying.

Billi

I know I can be difficult. But knowing it helps me realize I can do something about it.

I'm in DBT and it seems to be helping. I take Lamictal for the mood swings, major improvement!

There are times when I don't even want to be around me, so I try even harder to stay away from others. B/c lets face it if I can't stand being around me, who will be able to.

But we have each other here to lean on and help us deal with things.

I feel the same way. Like if I can't stand myself, who can? But feelings aren't facts.

Billi

If I'm not that difficult...

Then why am I me?

I hear where your coming from. I feel so isolated all the time. I reach out to talk to people one the phone or to come hang but so few people can wrap their heads around my struggled. Not only am I borderline but severly anorexic and sometimes I just need to vent. Opening up can be very difficult for me but if the mood comes I resolutely someone there! I don't want to be catergorgorized orjudged for having disorders, I want to be seen as a whole person not defects that make me up like a jig saw puzzle . You are not alone!

Okay I'm in a giggly mood today, and I'm able to step back and remember all this. This was me a year ago. Therapy and meds help...those who stayed with me through it, are my closest family and friends. The rest are either "unsafe" or good riddens. They can go do things to themselves. Seriously. You have to move to a who cares position. Yes. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells for other people...but those are the people in my family that didn't want to have anything to do with me. So.....I'm done tying to "apologize or please them." I still catch myself doing it, but you gotta wonder about people who wont stay around when you're doing everything your supposed to do. If you're doing everything your supposed to do....then screw them, and stop walking all over yourself...it is now a them problem, and not a you problem anymore....it takes time to get here, and I still slip up...with worry. But I've done everything I can do, and if they aren't with me, and didn't help me through it....then....what the heck was I thinking in the first place? Ya know? You're doing the changing, not them, and....GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK!! Change is freaking HARD!!!