Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Jan 01, 2012, 02:47 PM
B1_NRecovery B1_NRecovery is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: Out West
Posts: 31
This is probably the only place I can be honest about this struggle and people won't raise an eyebrow or think, "What a crazy!"

Due to finances, I see my therapist only once a month. She is definitely my secure attachment (I've been seeing her 4 yrs). She is having me journal about what feels good about my attachment to her and how it helps me, etc. But then she also has me on an "Emergencies Only" contract, as in I must use all my other support systems before I call or email her for support in between sessions.

I ended up calling her on Friday and left a voicemail. I did 2 really big pieces of work on my borderline thinking last week (see my Borderline Friday post) and I wanted to connect with her so I knew I was dealing in the right way and to just connect with her after doing some pretty scary new (but good) behaviors.

It's a holiday weekend, so I know I should not expect a call back now. But I'm still mulling over thoughts of "Well, f-her. I guess I am too much for her now. She's trying to distance for me. She's not going to be able to help me anymore so I should just be done." I'm also letting myself feel the disappointment and pain of not connecting with her. My inner child knows she is safe and wants to connect with her on these really intimate and difficult things. It's like a toddler who is exploring the world and needs to come back to home base--"mom"--to check in.

My T has given me so much support over the last 4 years both in phone and email. I DO know I matter. It just amazes me even after all of this major work on my BPD, I still struggle with abandonment.

advertisement
  #2  
Old Jan 01, 2012, 02:54 PM
SoupDragon's Avatar
SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: in a cave
Posts: 6,977
Hi B1 NRecovery - I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. It sounds like you have developed a really good insight and self awareness of your difficulties. But I think it is one thing knowing this, but another really feeling it, so it is bound to feel difficult when you are waiting for a response from your T - when are you due to see your therapist next?

Take care -Soup
__________________
Soup
Thanks for this!
B1_NRecovery
  #3  
Old Jan 01, 2012, 03:49 PM
B1_NRecovery B1_NRecovery is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: Out West
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoupDragon View Post
Hi B1 NRecovery - I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. It sounds like you have developed a really good insight and self awareness of your difficulties. But I think it is one thing knowing this, but another really feeling it, so it is bound to feel difficult when you are waiting for a response from your T - when are you due to see your therapist next?

Take care -Soup
Thanks Soup. I don't see her for 3 more weeks. I have some other good support systems so I am using them. Thanks for understanding.

B1
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #4  
Old Jan 02, 2012, 11:34 PM
B1_NRecovery B1_NRecovery is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: Out West
Posts: 31
Just an update--my therapist did call me back today. I was able to update her on a couple things and connect for about 20 minutes. This in and of itself shows she cares for me. I'm taking that in and absorbing it.

One thing I noticed was that connecting with her actually made me miss her more. I've been working so hard on coping well in the middle of being triggered by several key things in my life. I just want to crawl into my secure attachment (my therapist) and rest there. Sometimes I feel shame that I need her so much, but another therapist friend I know says, "Of course you feel that way, she is your secure attachment. You didn't have that with your mother or father."

Thanks for the support from everyone. Does anyone else struggle with their attachment to your therapist?

B1
Reply
Views: 1160

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:20 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.