[ECHOES]

Separateness is something I struggle with and I wondered if others here can relate. This is from an article here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-t...mindful-living

My issue is not aggressive communication, but passive communication. I do this in therapy. I am trying to un-learn this but it is hard.
Old dog/New tricks. hard!
Detour, road closed. hard!
But I am beginning to see the payoff of feeling calmer, feeling I have the power and ability and skill to deal with what may come up. These things mean that what does come up doesn't seem to be as threatening as it once would have felt. It means there isn't a sense of needing to "do" something (aggression, lashing out, avoiding/isolating, running away).
There is much freedom in learning that I have some control, not over what comes my way that comes from outside of me, but in my response to it that comes from within.
So the new trick reaps reward, and the new path around the detour gets me to where I wanted to get to in the first place .

I wonder if the 'quiet borderline' (there have been some articles and posts here about this, might really be those who engage in passive communication while still suffering the intensity of the emotional responses that are associated with BPD.

So, separateness is something that my T helps me understand and helps me see when difficulty with separateness is affecting me in my relationships.

Do you talk about this in your therapy?

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Separateness is something I struggle with and I wondered if others here can relate. This is from an article here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-t...mindful-living

My issue is not aggressive communication, but passive communication. I do this in therapy. I am trying to un-learn this but it is hard.
Old dog/New tricks. hard!
Detour, road closed. hard!
But I am beginning to see the payoff of feeling calmer, feeling I have the power and ability and skill to deal with what may come up. These things mean that what does come up doesn't seem to be as threatening as it once would have felt. It means there isn't a sense of needing to "do" something (aggression, lashing out, avoiding/isolating, running away).
There is much freedom in learning that I have some control, not over what comes my way that comes from outside of me, but in my response to it that comes from within.
So the new trick reaps reward, and the new path around the detour gets me to where I wanted to get to in the first place .

I wonder if the 'quiet borderline' (there have been some articles and posts here about this, might really be those who engage in passive communication while still suffering the intensity of the emotional responses that are associated with BPD.

So, separateness is something that my T helps me understand and helps me see when difficulty with separateness is affecting me in my relationships.

Do you talk about this in your therapy?

passive therapy behaviour?

ECHOES...I am pleased you brought this up!!

some people tell me I cannot be borderline because I am in-fact so very gentle!

( I hang onto my diagnosis for dear life because it explains much of me but I also embrace the mystery of life when I can)...and yet I am challenged anyway...why??

anyway...passive and gentle and caring bpd is the real thing as far as I know mate....
I have a very refined version of the illness after many years of very intense ****...and I am soft as a puppy. but mad as a cut snake if needed.
more inclined to be gentle.

I was very very angry for years and years and I keep repeating myself....
myself...myself!
It has worn off with me...I was really bad and angry and volatile and got punished for it.
I am tired of that kind of thing...I am soft now...always was beneath the tough guy...but when confronted with borderline in a borderline world....it's no wonder we can lose it.


J

[Forgive77]

Loved that article. I am the passive one....but when I've had enugh....I go bizerk, and bring up every offence in one sitting...ooops! I've been working on that in therapy, and almost have it down..but that artcle was really direct and to the point, and made it even clearer because it brings up how the other person might or must feel when I tell like a crazy person, and don't tell and get walked on...tricky stuff these boundry things are...they should teach them in school I THINK!!

[Rosie23]

I do the same thing. All passive, never say anything about anything and then one day some little tiny insignificant thing happens and Boom! the dam breaks and it all comes out.
Everyone runs for cover. It is a double edged sword though. I feel better emotionally but feel bad that it all came out that way.