[athena2011]

I woke up last night with the words "the music stopped" going through my head. Over and over and over again - like a broken record.

Then it hit me. We moved to a smaller house. My Mom's grand piano wouldn't fit in the new place. She was a concert pianist. Before we moved, I used to listen to her for hours playing - Brahms, Beethoven, Mozart, Rachmaninoff and others. I'd sit beside her, I'd put my hands on hers. I'd lie under the piano and take it all in. It was our special time. Something we shared - just the two of us. I was 9. After that, there was no piano, nothing we shared. No connection whatsoever. I don't know who she is, after 49 years. We hardly ever spoke. She didn't 'get' me. I was the only one in her life that she completely ignored. Something went wrong somewhere along the line. She went dead to me. I alone experienced this. My siblings got to experience her in all her splendour. Perhaps it is as my T said - I didn't give her what she needed. She craved something too. I was the only one who couldn't provide. The music stopped...

[cboxpalace]

Athena - What you write is subjective.... and I would disagree..

You're 9... I would argue she didn't provide you with what you needed, and therefore you had nothing to return, whatever that is.. How would a 9 year old know what to give her mom or what she needed???

As you got older it seems like maybe there was a lack of communication between the two of you....

My arguement still holds true though..

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by athena2011

I was 9. After that, there was no piano, nothing we shared. No connection whatsoever.

She's the adult, and parent. Ultimately, it's her responsibilityto nurture the child.

I don't know who she is, after 49 years. We hardly ever spoke. She didn't 'get' me.

Lack of communication...

I was the only one in her life that she completely ignored. Something went wrong somewhere along the line. She went dead to me. I alone experienced this.

You wrote SHE ignored you.. Not you ignored her.. SHE's the parent, I'm confused what a 9 year old is suppose to do when they don't have the emotional development. She went dead because of her failure in parenting. Something did happen, but ultimately her lack of parenting.. The adult is the parent, not the child..

Perhaps it is as my T said - I didn't give her what she needed. She craved something too. I was the only one who couldn't provide. The music stopped...

Your therapist needs to find a new job.. Have him explain why a 9 year old is suppose parent and how a child is suppose to take care of an adult..

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

You're 9... I would argue she didn't provide you with what you needed, and therefore you had nothing to return, whatever that is.. How would a 9 year old know what to give her mom or what she needed???

That's correct, she didn't provide me with what I needed...because I didn't provide her with what she needed. Which I agree - is absolutely NOT the way it's supposed to work - and that was my point. But it wasn't something my Mom did consciously. To this day, I still don't know why such a seemingly happy person drank so much. I'm beginning to think she had her own issues. This past year I found out she went to AA when I was a kid. Anyway, this is just one thing. I can see her life was pretty tough around the time I was born. The last thing she needed was another kid.

[ECHOES]

Music was your connection and your play.
Those pieces must have been the most beautiful sounds you ever heard.
To have that stop suddenly would be a huge loss. And would be something a 9 year old could not comprehend - you must have wondered how could Mom not possibly bring the piano that brought both of you so much joy?! You must have wondered if she missed playing as much as you missed hearing her play, and if she missed the connection too.

Like a metaphor for play and joy in one's life.
It sounds like things were pretty serious and not so joyful after that move where the piano was left behind.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Music was your connection and your play.
Those pieces must have been the most beautiful sounds you ever heard.
To have that stop suddenly would be a huge loss. And would be something a 9 year old could not comprehend - you must have wondered how could Mom not possibly bring the piano that brought both of you so much joy?! You must have wondered if she missed playing as much as you missed hearing her play, and if she missed the connection too.

Like a metaphor for play and joy in one's life.
It sounds like things were pretty serious and not so joyful after that move where the piano was left behind.

Yes - a metaphor for play, joy, love, connectedness, communication. I had been struggling before that time, this was just another loss.

it is now sitting in my sister's livingroom. Ouch. She doesn't even play it.

[Rosie23]

Originally Posted by cboxpalace

Athena - What you write is subjective.... and I would disagree..

You're 9... I would argue she didn't provide you with what you needed, and therefore you had nothing to return, whatever that is.. How would a 9 year old know what to give her mom or what she needed???

As you got older it seems like maybe there was a lack of communication between the two of you....

My arguement still holds true though..

Hear! Hear! Well said CBox! I agree completely. Grandma didn't give you what you needed so you had nothing to return.

Even though the relationship didn't grow the way you might have liked it to, you still have a beautiful memory to carry with you.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by Rosie23

Hear! Hear! Well said CBox! I agree completely. Grandma didn't give you what you needed so you had nothing to return.

Even though the relationship didn't grow the way you might have liked it to, you still have a beautiful memory to carry with you.

Actually, it was my Mom Rosie. I suppose it will be a beautiful memory once I can work through what I need to work through. For now it is tainted with too many bad memories.

[Rosie23]

Originally Posted by athena2011

Actually, it was my Mom Rosie. I suppose it will be a beautiful memory once I can work through what I need to work through. For now it is tainted with too many bad memories.

Sorry Athena.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by Rosie23

Sorry Athena.

No need to be sorry Rosie. Pointing out a positive in an experience is always welcome. I have to learn how to think like this.

[shipping]

Originally Posted by athena2011

I woke up last night with the words "the music stopped" going through my head. Over and over and over again - like a broken record.

Then it hit me. We moved to a smaller house. My Mom's grand piano wouldn't fit in the new place. She was a concert pianist. Before we moved, I used to listen to her for hours playing - Brahms, Beethoven, Mozart, Rachmaninoff and others. I'd sit beside her, I'd put my hands on hers. I'd lie under the piano and take it all in. It was our special time. Something we shared - just the two of us. I was 9. After that, there was no piano, nothing we shared. No connection whatsoever. I don't know who she is, after 49 years. We hardly ever spoke. She didn't 'get' me. I was the only one in her life that she completely ignored. Something went wrong somewhere along the line. She went dead to me. I alone experienced this. My siblings got to experience her in all her splendour. Perhaps it is as my T said - I didn't give her what she needed. She craved something too. I was the only one who couldn't provide. The music stopped...

This would make a really great story, in the genre of creative nonfiction. Do you like to write?

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by shipping

This would make a really great story, in the genre of creative nonfiction. Do you like to write?

Yes - I write songs. Seems the only way I can get the words down. The music makes it 10x more powerful still. The only criteria for starting one is that I be massively moved. Thanks for the idea - this would be a very good one for me to write.